Old Age Day by Day October 31, 2012

Today is Halloween, and I think of my granddaughters and the fun they'll have at four and seven.  One is being a fairy and the other a veterarian.  Yesterday, my husband said he couldn't really remember Halloween and what he did.  I realized I couldn't remember what I dressed up as, but remember running around our town and throwing toilet paper on bushes and trees.  I was a little mini vandal, but so were all the kids in the tiny towns I grew up in.  We had complete physical freedom, and aimless, exuberant energy.  There were often parties and kids' houses.  I think I've forgotten my costuming because those memories have been superceded by my kids' costumes, which I mostly remember.  And by the time my kids were born, the world was a scarier place, and we were more closely supervising them out of necessity.  I had one rule:  no trick or treating after age 12.  My parents had that rule also, and luckily, there were parties or sleepovers to celebrate, without the kids becoming thugs instead of little kids having fun.  Being 12 to 18 is so hard in so many ways.  You don't want to give up the perks of being a little kid, you have all this wild energy, and you have no adult priviledges either.  I think most teenagers envy trick or treaters, the innocence, being really scared by silly things, the joy.  It can feel like all the fun is sucked out of life.  What a rough time of life!

Today is also the Giants parade for the world series.  I won't go, but it has some similarities with Halloween.  Grown people will try to celebrate like children, and some will become angry children, because baseball is a fantasy of childhood, and these are adult times.  Some of the fans yearn a bit to hard for a long ago time, when life was simple and winning was doable, a myth, but allluring.  And their disappointment at adulthood may rise to the surface.   We'll see.

Old Age Day by Day October 30, 2012

I've been emailing friends to see if they are affected by Sandy.  The news makes it look pretty bad.  I believe the storm is heading our way after cutting a swath through Canada.  I keep wondering if this is a message about the election.  Or even the world series.  Of course, the message is climate change, but evidently we're all going to keep our heads firmly stuck in the sand about that issue.  I got a call early this morning about money for the election, but I've donated all I think appropriate.  Anything else will be to shelters or research or something tangible for the benefit of all beings.  I get so sick when I think of what this election money could have done to help poor women and children, to feed the hungry, to build housing.  How can anything good come out of such a perversion of what our government should be about.  Ads and hate.  Bad karma!

It drizzled last night and the dogs were restless and we went down and let them out, then lectured, but they succeeded in keeping us up.  I know there are squirrels and cats and all manner of disturbing creatures in the night, but the most disturbing is them, being, well, being DOGS.

Old Age Day by Day October 29, 2012

I'm feeling a bit worse than yesterday, but much better than when I had a fever.  Nasty flu!  I went out and bought some magazines, a couple of mysteries, and three DVD's, in case I keep feeling fatigued.  I don't want to have a reoccurance.  The weather is gorgeous, and everybody is happy about the Giants, and there is a big parade Wednesday, which I will not attend, but appreciate.  In the meantime I'm dealing with our garden and how to keep the little green critters happy.  My roses aren't getting enough sun, and the holly tree offshoots are trying to take over the yard, and the ivy is sneaking up all over.  A plan of attack has been instigated, and I'm hoping we don't end up engulfed in greenery, with no way to get out of the house.  The little bit of rain we had encouraged a lot of bad green behavior. 

Then there is the canine problem.  Some plants have been moved, and the other planter has been eaten.  I wish they would cease having aspirations to be landscape designers, because their taste is a little to minimal for me.

Old Age Day by Day October 2,8 2012

I'm just barely coming out of a viral induced fog of fever and headache.  Last night I had no fever for the first time in two days.  What a flu!  I'm going to have to continue to take it easy, as I have a runny nose and feel pretty fragile after doing battle with one of those frost things from Thor.  I am going to attempt to go to see my daughter-in-law's choral performance this afternoon.  My husband's against it, and he has done a good job of nursing me, but if that's the only thing I do today, and if I have lots of cough drops and kleenex, I believe I'll not harm my recovery.  I'm feeling very grateful for getting out from under a brutal headache.  The fever was constant, no matter I took tylenol every four hours, so this was a bad one.  I hadn't even had a chance yet to get the flu shot this year, though I doubt this is THE flu.  I've been blaise in the past, because I seldom get a cold.  Now I'm a believer.

Another beautiful day that I will not be out in.  Sigh.  The highlight of yesterday was watching a world series game.  I've become quite the admirer of Pablo Sandoval.  He's pretty irresistible.  And just generally, I adore baseball.  I'm now certain that pitchers need helmets, though, and hope they come up with something that works real soon.  What happened to Brandon McCarthy was horrible, and I was upset to see Fister continue pitching after he was hit and not be forced to leave to check out his injury.  Not right.  The manager was wrong on that call.  I'll miss the game tonight, and it could be the last.  Oh, dear.  Anything to avoid thinking of the coming election and hearing more about polls and gender gaps and fact checking and basically, people running off at the mouth.

Old Age Day by Day October 26, 2012

I began feeling sick yesterday afternoon and by nightfall I had to take Tylenol.  I woke up in the middle of the night with a crushing headache and this morning I've got a cough and runny nose.  There was a lady behind us on the airplane who was coughing.  I believe I have been gifted with her cold.  I'm going to have to rest and baby myself a bit.  I had to cancel a plan to see a movie with a friend.  The weather is gorgeous and I will not be able to be out in it, I fear.  Darn!  I hardly ever get colds, but this is a doozy.  I'll have to read and doze today. 

Last night we watched the world series, and it was quite a game.  I like both teams, but favor my local team because the other beat my beloved A's, but really they are both likeable teams.  But who can resist Panda Pablo Sandoval? 

Old Age Day by Day October 25, 2012

We had a nice dinner with our friend, and are excited that she found a place to buy two streets away, if the numbers work and she wins the bid.  I've got my fingers crossed.  We always have a good time talking and it would be so lovely to have her close again.  I'm going to check with my friends and see if any of them have a connection to the sellers.  But basically I'm powerless.  I wanted so badly to help our son with the place he bid on, but someone out-monied him.  We live in an area that never took much of a dip and is fast rising again.  Real estate is a strange, even absurd concept to me.  The house could be gone in an instant, and owning land is bizarre.  At least with our cabin, we don't own the land, and are at the whim of the forest service for the cabin.  You can't get too possessive in that situation.  People do crazy things because someone has trees blocking their view, or they don't like the color of a neighbor's house, or don't want anyone parking in front of their house - on the street, no less.  And generally, I'd say cooperation is way down about neighborliness and a sense of community.  Nowadays, it's a sense of entitlement.  Scary.  Very Halloween.

Old Age Day by Day October 24, 2012

I had the bright idea yesterday of washing the curtains upstairs, but when I went to take the curtains out of the dryer, one set was in sheds.  I don't know if the fabric was too old or cheap, but now I have to find material to replace them.  I'll look for something fun.  And the blue curtains in the little guest bedroom were never hemmed, so I'm going to sew them up this time.  It's a lot of material to hem, but I'll get it done in the next couple of days.  Of course I ought to wash the windows before I put the curtains back, but I won't, and taking the curtains down made me notice better the cracks in paint that need fixing.  Home repair is one giant headachey snowball!

I'm cooking barley soup, because a dear friend is coming for dinner.  And I am compromising with the fall weather by making soup.  I have in my head to prepare grilled chicken mango Chinese salad, but the soup will keep us warm, as well as garlic bread.  I'm thinking chocolate eclairs from a nearby French bakery. 

I'm fighting off some kind of virus I picked up probably on the airplane.  There was this woman behind us coughing her head off the whole trip.  Talk about captive audience.  So I took Airbourne this morning, and throat coat tea and will hope for the best.  So far I just have this little tickle in my throat.  I slept fine, and have gone to bed at a ridiculous nine and nine thirty both nights since I returned, so I'm getting my rest.  Lots of vitamin C!  Fluids!  Positive thinking!

Old Age Day by Day October 23, 2012

I had a lovely walk and breakfast with a friend, despite threatening weather.  Last night we watched the Giants vs the Cardinals on TV, and the downpour of the last two innings was something else!  It's very exciting!  I'd rather it was the A's, but this is the next best thing.  And actually, I like Detroit as well, so the World Series will be fun.  Baseball's last hurrah for this year.

As I was waiting for my friend at the cafe, my younger daughter and her boyfriend showed up.  We discretely sat around the corner from them and then they came over as they left.  I'm sure they were thinking they could not think of anything less romantic than ending up by mom.  Oh well, small world and all that.

Now to wash the upstairs curtains! 

Old Age Day by Day October 22, 2012

I just returned last night from a three day trip with my granddaughter to see my daughter and granddaughter, and the visit was delightful.  The little girls played and played, and they have a new cat who was a source of infinite amusement.  We had a birthday party for my daughter, we went to a pumpkin patch, the girls had a kung fu class, we went to a children's museum, and all was a happy whirlwind.  I was exhausted last night and went to bed at nine pm.  Last night I could hear the rain, and that makes me happy, as the earth here so badly needs it.  Today is sunny then cloudy, but no more rain since nine am.  I managed to squeeze in a dog walk without it raining on us.

I'm looking forward to seeing an old friend who lives in another state now, and having lunch with another friend I haven't seen in a while.  It looks like a good week, a very good week.

Old Age Day by Day October 17, 2012

Another beautiful and day and I began it with a walk with a friend and coffee.  This Indian summer that we get here feels like such a blessing.  I kept my determination not to see the debates and I did not read anything much in the paper except to see generally Obama seemed to come to life and fight for his Presidency.  I hate the whole debate thing.  If citizens are too lazy read anything substantive, and need an "entertainment" to make up their minds, well, I don't want to watch "Survivor" or "Dancing with the Stars" or reality TV, so I'll pass.  What people say and what they do are often two completely different kettles of fish.  I have made up my mind about the actions taken by both men up until now, and I'll vote according to what I can predict each will actually do next.

And then there is the surprise of events, and who can handle rapid change and make measured decisions.  I really, really don't care about their "acting" on TV.

The world is changing, and I accept that information if changing as well.  But I don't have to choose to take my information in sound bites.  I read books, whole books about events and decisions and the background and results.  I'm beginning reading Goodwin's "A Team of Rivals" about Lincoln's cabinet and how he made the decision to sign the Emancipation Proclamation.  That will tell me how consensus can be achieved and how all the vast complicated actions of our government are balanced by urgent need, vision for the future, and representing the best interests of the majority of its citizens.  That will be time well spent before I vote.  Not TV watching.

Old Age Day by Day October 16, 2012

Did I mention I'm sick of being locked upstairs like Rochester's crazy wife?  No?  Well I can't wait to put the furniture back and COOK something in my kitchen and not look at a garage sale inside my abode.  It's beautiful outside, real Indian summer, and I've already taken a walk and will again before the day is out.  Hopefully, tomorrow evening my husband and dogs will be back and the place will be habitable.  I read a People magazine yesterday that I bought with my OWN money, that's how low I've sunk.  It was just as bad as I had remembered, but now I know what Anne Hathaway's bridal gown looked like.  I'm enriched.

I saw a good movie last night, British, made in 2011, with a great cast:  Rachel Weiz, Bill Nighy, Michael Gambon, Alice Krige, Judy Davis and more.  It was a political thriller where the Prime Minister, played by Ralph Finnes, is the bad guy.  Judy Davis has aged a whole lot, and I always wished she had gotten better parts.  She's a brilliant actress.  And she was beautiful, in her prime, but she never played the beauty, she was always a character actress.  I love her deep voice and ability to unravel before your eyes.  Anyway, it's titled "Page Eight", and it's nail biting fun.

Old Age Day by Day October 15, 2012

The last coat on the floor is going on.  I may make it through this process.  I'm thinking of my trip Friday to see my granddaughter and celebrate my daughter's birthday, and letting that positive excitement outweigh the chaos in the house.  Yesterday I managed to be out all day with two friends, and even saw another movie, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", which my friend and I thought was terrific.  It sure made me think of my high school years, and all the pain and suffering and confusion and hope and dread they contained.  It's a beautiful screenplay, and super well acted.  Today I have invented some errands for myself and will take myself out to lunch. 

Yesterday I really had a lot of fun shopping for salwar kamizes in Indian shops.  My friend is going to work in a clinic in Mysore for a couple of weeks, so she needs cool, loose clothes.  We found two good choices at one shop and another one in the second shop, so she's set.  In the process we saw gorgeous saris and scarves and jewelry.  I resisted all temptation and didn't buy anything, especially since I wouldn't wear them for a long time if ever.  I already have several lovely outfits.  But it was like entering fairyland, with sparkles, sequins and bright colors.  I may go again, just for therapy.

Old Age Day by Day October 14, 2012

I am pretty sick of the stink in the house, being confined to two rooms upstairs, and eating fruit and V8.  I got away a good bit yesterday, first to my study group, then to a movie by myself.  "Argo" lives up to the hype.  It really is funny, tense and surprising.  Today I'm going out to breakfast with my friend and then shopping, and this afternoon a movie with another friend and then dinner.  Tomorrow morning is the last coat on the floor, and hopefully, in the forseeable future I'll see my banished husband and dogs.  It seems to be raining right now, though both newspapers said it would not.  No chance, no percentage. 

I watched "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" last night with Charles Laughton and Maureen O'Hara.  It's a pretty gorgeous movie and interesting in terms of ideas.  As a kid, I adored Victor Hugo and Alexandre Dumas.  I read abridged versions of "Hunchback", "Les Miserables", "The Count of Monte Christo" and "The Man in the Iron Mask".  I was destined to take French in high school, and my love for very dramatic French literature is equaled only by my love of Dickens.  I love the political mixed in with romance and told from the point of view of the underclasses.  I'm a revoluntionary by impulse, though tempered now with a huge dose of reality and cynicism.  It's not that simple.  Yesterday, in study group, we talked a bit about dualism, and I outgrew that world view quite a long time ago.  Yet many are trapped in it.  Read the political news.  Okay, I admit I'm grumpy.

Old Age Day by Day October 12, 2012

My team lost.  I'm a little blue.  But proud of them and they lost against the best pitcher in baseball.  I avoided the VP debate, just so I wouldn't get too down.  Not because I thought Biden would do badly, but because the discourse and the way the media view it is upsetting to me.  Instead I read magazines, after I had dinner with my younger daughter, and calmed down after a maddening day with the refrigerator.  I'm about to go back to big blocks of ice in an ice chest in the basement.  So now everything with the floors is off a day and we won't get back on them until Wednesday.  Big headache, but we'll survive.  My husband is banished with the dogs at the cabin.  I'm holding the fort here, even though I'm the Indian. 

Today I can at least get out, and am having dinner with a friend up the street, so that's good.  Today also, our younger son is making an offer on a sweet little house, and I have my fingers crossed for him.  I have maturely moved on from the baseball season.  Almost.

Old Age Day by Day October 11, 2012

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  We moved a bunch of stuff out of two rooms and when the people came to fix our kitchen and dining room floors the refrigerator was STILL leaking after us supposedly fixing it a year ago.  So I have to get the guy here again, pray he can fix it today and everything is moved back.  This refrigerator has driven me crazy.  It's only 14 years old.  Is that how long they are supposed to last? 

On the laughing end, the A's are even with Detroit after an amazing ninth inning save, so tonight is the clincher.  Whoever wins goes on.  I think I'm almost as nervous about the game as the catastrophe in the kitchen!  Oh, well, deep breaths and maybe some prayers.

Old Age Day by Day October 10, 2012

I'm not exactly sure what to do with my granddaughter this afternoon.  It's overcast and we have done the Halloween thing already, chosen our pumpkins, bought decorations.  No movies are out that are remotely suitable for a seven year old.  We could walk to the pet store, and mosey around the toy store, and get her a cookie at the bakery.  Well, she may have an idea.  Her mom since a two minute video of my granddaughter reading to her four month old sister, and the sister is staring at her own hands, fascinated and cross eyed.  It's pretty funny.  My granddaughter tries to put her hands down, but up they pop again.  Baby is wondering what those things are?!  Getting your sister to pay attention is always a challenge, I imagine.  I had a younger brother, and he was always frustrating me.  He wouldn't play dolls and was into destroying my toys and sawing on furniture and finding snakes in the back yard.  You can't control your siblings worth a hoot. 

I wanted a sister, when I was a kid.  I inevitably bonded with other girls with only a brother.  My best friend in childhood had a much older brother.  My best friend now has three sisters, and I'm ever curious about how that works.  I can see there is competition and conflict, but still...and aunt for my kids would have been nice.  Someone who understands being a mother and wife.  But I'm romantising, I know.  My brother was an ally with me as a child, but as adults, our different genders made us approach life differently, and only estranged us more.  When our parents died, something unraveled.  Because as adults, we have differing views of the world, values, politics.  It could have been no different if he'd been a sister, but sometimes, I do wonder what I missed.

Old Age Day by Day October 9, 2012

Yesterday we had lunch with our younger son and looked at a couple of houses  he might consider putting an offer on.  It's a big, scary step, but exciting, too, and it's fun to imagine him living in each and how it would be different in each case.  He's been careful and cautious, and at some point there will be the pull that gets him making an offer.  I wish I had a crystal ball so I could advise him, but I was always in the dark when we bought each of the four homes we've owned.  Three turned out better than worse, and one was a mistake.  There are always surprises, like the fireplace which doesn't work and can't be fixed, the road you thought was bucolic and turns out a death trap, the difficult neighbor, the kindly older couple who vote the opposite of you but have hearts of gold.  It's a learning experience in flexibility and patience.  I HAVE learned:  never live with a septic tank, a rural spot with beautiful farms also has airplanes spraying pesticides at certain times of year, sidewalks matter, I don't want to live anywhere that I must get in a car to get to a store or civilization, never plant a garden too big and have ducks to eat the grasshoppers before they eat your garden.  That's the extent of my accumulated wisdom.  Buying a house is a RISK, a crap shoot, and yet, and yet, it feels great and it's fun dreaming of when you'll paint the kitchen or add a front porch. 

Old Age Day by Day October 8, 2012

We're shopping for a cheap rug for the kitchen today, as the floor is getting redone later in the week, and our old rug has been through a fire, floods and two dogs wallowing on it.  Then we're having lunch with our younger son and looking at houses.  He's seen a couple he likes, and I love his caution and carefulness.  He's been looking on and off for several years, and not rushing into anything.  It's a pretty fall day, and tomorrow it is supposed to rain (I'll believe it when I see it).  So today is a good day to see a house with the sun shining on it.  It makes a difference.

I'm reading a really terrific book after reading a really terrific book.  I finished Sherman Alexie's "Blasphemy" which is a collection of short stories, most of which took my breath away.  There is one about donkeys near the end that broke my heart.  Then I began Louise Erdrich's "The Round House" and it is mesmerizing.  It's narrator is a 13 year old boy, and his story is so gripping and effortless, and the bigger issues just slide on past his adolescent obsessions to make the whole story gripping and profound.  I can hardly put it down to do my chores.  They are two of my favorite Indian writers, and they are both clearly at the top of their game.

Old Age Day by Day October 7, 2012

I listened to a beautiful dharma talk this morning, one that made me cry.  It was about Shantideva's teaching "Live as if you were already dead", which sounds weird, but it means to live without hopes or fears.  I feel in my body the truth of that teaching - that we distract ourselves by dreaming up all kinds of "wantings", which we could truly enjoy each moment if we didn't freight it with so much pushing and pulling, attraction and aversion.

So when I returned home and discovered the A's had lost again, I was okay with it.  I'm happy they won the Division, I'm happy the two games have been close and could have gone either way.  I'm just happy they are the A's.  They have the best heart on that team in baseball.  And as my husband said, Detroit, like Oakland has a rough time of it as a city, so if they do win, they could use the boost.

We watched two oldies but goodies last night:  "Holiday" with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn, and "Talk of the Town" with Cary Grant, Jean Arthur and Ronald Coleman.  The former is a terrific movie with a something interesting to say, and the latter is a debate about what the law is and isn't.  Both are funny, touching, well-acted and directed.  I'm quite doting on the subject of Grant, and his heyday was the early forties.  He just eats up the screen.  I love Jean Arthur as well, and I've adored Ronald Coleman since I saw him in "Tale of Two Cities" as a child.  Not only that, I made steak for dinner, and although I forgot to turn on the oven, so we did not have baked potatoes with it, my husband liked dinner well enough.  He ate all of his rib eye and half of mine!

Old Age Day by Day October 6, 2012

My friend and I did a little antique shopping yesterday, and enjoyed looking.  She bought nothing and I settled on a small, cheap table that had a painted bird on it.  I'm fascinated with birds lately.  But we oohed and aahed over jewelry, coins, teapots, plates and lamps.  My friend was looking at a pendant set in rose gold with butterscotch jade.  And truly, it looked like you could eat it; a really yummy color.  I drooled over a Native American cuff bracelet with inset that depicted a pueblo village.  I've never seen anything like it.  We found a small walnut table, just beautiful wood, that we both loved.  She fell for a lazy susan for Chinese new year, but we couldn't find out if the hand painted dishes would hold food without being ruined, so she decided not to risk it.  We managed to spend a couple of hours in this one store, just having fun dreaming.  Neither of us needs a thing.  But we are admirers.  We did the same thing in an outlet complex.  Lots of looking, but nothing we needed.  Then we had a lunch by the river and each ordered the same meal:  fish sandwich, cold slaw, and fries.  I hope we walked it off afterward! 

Old Age Day by Day October 4, 2012

Oh, boy.  The A's won the Division, and my granddaughter and I heard the 9th inning on the radio and screamed, along with my husband.  She and I had been to our favorite plant nursery and she had found A's pumpkins, and we were completely prepared for victory.  I've just finished hovering over the sports sections of the newspapers - so gratifying.  Yesterday I called my kids, except for the one who lives in another state, and they were just as excited.  It turned out our younger son had seen the two night games before yesterday's clincher. 

It was especially soothing, because I did not like the debate last night, and thought Romney's aggressive stance would be taken for being presidential, and from the papers, it seems it has.  I thought he insulted Jim Lehrer, and that he trampled all over the format and the moderator.  The public wants to see a fight, and dualism personified, and I wish we could get the discourse beyond black and white, rhetoric and sound bites.  I don't think we did, because the form of TV commands drama and pugilism and simplifying ideas.  I hate watching these things.  I feel diminished just sitting there like a sap.

Oh, well.  Back to the A's.  Ain't they grand?!

Old Age Day by Day October 3, 2012

Well, the A's won again, and gee, they might even cinch the Division today.  It's very happy late summer news, and it certainly takes the edge of the Fall doldrums.  I have my granddaughter this afternoon, and she and her family are rabid A's fans, so we'll probably be discussing the team.  At seven she's seen a lot more games her her years on earth than I have in those seven years.  We also will do a little Halloween decorating and stop for an ice cream for her and probably play games.  She's a lot of fun at this age, and she also likes to have heart to heart talks, which are endearing.

In the meantime we are getting estimates today for having our kitchen floor redone yet again.  It's not that old, about fourteen years, but there has been a fire, and two floods from the refrigerator, and this will be the fourth repair.  Of course, the heavy, claw footed dogs don't help either, or the chairs scraping back and forth from the table.  I should have gone with concrete.  It must be done.  We've reached the tipping point of standing the eyesore of it.  Then, onto painting, which I dread, but it must be done.  These old houses just nag at you until they get fixed.  I hear it loud and clear.

Old Age Day by Day October 2, 2012

Well, my beloved baseball team is in the playoffs!  I am thrilled!  I'd like to see them take the Division outright, but we'll see.  They're young, they're crazy, they are in love with baseball, as they should be.  May the force be with them.  I was so excited last night I couldn't get to sleep right away, and neither could my husband.  Okay, maybe it's not important in the larger scheme of things, but it's fun.

Now I've got to decide if I'm going to the game tonight, or if I'd be bad luck.  There is a whole lot of magical thinking in my baseball attitude.  I admit it.  I don't want to jinx the team.  They did win the last time I went, but the times before, well, it wasn't a pretty picture.  If I had a palm reader handy. 

Old Age Day by Day October 1, 2012

Well, howdy do.  It's October.  I don't know where September got off to.  So here comes Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I went in a craft store a couple of days ago and there was the whole season assaulting my eyes.  I was buying scrapbooks for my granddaughter's pictures, and it took a firm grip on my mind to not veer in the holiday isles.  And I don't even WANT to buy that stuff.  It's hypnotic. 

What I do want to do today is get an LED lantern and more flashlights and a battery radio, because on Saturday we lost power for one hour two separate times, and it made me realize all my emergency stuff has migrated to the cabin, which is good, the power often goes out up there, but I am ill prepared here for an earthquake.  Sitting in a dark room my flashlight was NOT a romantic way to have our dinner.  And my husband had to drive out to get our meal in an area with electricity, or otherwise we would have had cold sandwiches. 

My lack of preparation reminds me that I think like the herds.  We borrow with no ability to repay if things go south, we don't plan sensibly, then get angry at officials for not having the water and food and things we need to survive.  We're like helpless babies.  I like to think of myself as sensible, but I do not have tucked away cash in the house, or extra toliet paper etc.  I used to, then got blaise.  No more.  I'm going to stock up today, not out of negativity, but knowing I'm not helpless and should not act that way, and because it is so easy, and I will not think well of myself if something happens and I have not at least done these few preparations that are wise.  Mother nature does not promise us the unalienable right to electricity and clean water and food and shelter.  She's got other things on her mind.