Old Age Day by Day February 8, 2011

Well, the movie I saw last night turned out to exceed my expectations. I knew it was going to have a fantastic performance by Xavier Bardem, because he's up for an Oscar, but the film itself is gorgeous and touching and each character is complicated and a complete human being. "Biutiful". What a knockout. It's set in Barcelona, and it's a Barcelona I've never seen. The city of the poor, the illegal immigrants, the lost. There are no Gaudi avenues and picaresque squares. And the peoples' faces are real. Bardem is brilliant, and there is no overacting or melodrama. The suffering is played down - an every day occurrence. See it before it leaves.

Today I have my annual appointment with my doctor, so perhaps seeing a movie about a man dying of cancer wasn't the wisest choice from that point of view. Oh, well. I dread these visits as much as the next guy, and don't want any surprises. At my age, it's seldom a good thing. Now, if only I'd lost the ten pounds I intended to, or at least been on a liquid fast or something. I'll have to think light when I get on the scale - balloons, feathers, soap bubbles. The the blood pressure! It goes up just thinking about the cuff, and I forget to breathe, and I'll be lucky if I don't hyperventilate.

I'm reading a great book that is partially about hypochrondria. "A Spot of Bother" by Mark Haddon, who wrote "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime". He's so funny, and tender and wise. Hopefully, reading will keep me in a good frame of mind until my exam.

Old Age Day by Day February 7, 2011

Well, my quarterback won the Superbowl, and that was satisfying. My husband, our younger daughter and I watched amid cheese puffs, chips and dip, cheese and crackers, with a modest one beer each. It was a nerve wracking game, which means, in retrospect it was exciting, however, if we'd lost it would have been a heartbreaker. Funny how perspective swiftly changes. Then my daughter and I attempted to watch a TV show that we'd heard a lot about, but the deluge of commercials had already wiped us out, and the whole show seemed some kind of cruel product placement. I'll stick to reading, thank you.

Earlier in the day we saw two houses our younger son was considering for purchase, and it's fun to see the places, imagine our son living there, how he would change this and that. I hope he's enjoying the process as much as we are. Of course, I have to get over the fact that nothing is worth remotely near to what the owners are asking, as we do not live in an area of much downturn, so I sort of become indignant at the nerve of the owners or agents or both. A fixer upper means it could fall to the ground in a brisk wind and would cost hundreds of thousands to repair. I know our son, like our older son and daughter, will fix up whatever he buys and it will look adorable, but I pray there are no nasty surprises. The rule of buying a house is you set your upper limit, fall in love with a place just beyond that limit, and have not a penny to put into it for years. They take all your money and run.

Tonight I get to practice my Spanish by seeing "Biutiful" with a friend. I'm quite a fan of Xavier Bardem, and looking forward to it. I was going to see it with another friend, but she came down with Shingles and is in the loving care of her daughter. I'll see it again with her when she's able. Hasta luego!

Old Age Day by Day February 5, 2011

My favorite birds are kingfishers. My very favorite is the Kookaberra. I've been to Australia twice and the last time we were visiting the zoo, and I was searching for one to show my kids and husband, and we found two in a large cage. I stood there a long time admiring them and waiting for them to give their distinctive call. Finally, it came, and as usual I laughed in delight. Then the volume got louder and we looked up in the trees to see dozens of free Kookaberras laughing away with us. They'd been around us the whole time, but I was focused on the cage.

I try to remember the absurdity of that moment, when I looked up and saw the whole wide world I was missing. I get myself in a narrow box, but usually of my own making - because I have expectations and am not enough in the moment to see the day freshly. Today I have no plans, so I want to look around me and see what is there that I've not been aware of. It's a beautiful day, and all I have to do is move around in the earth's atmosphere and see what's up.

Old Age Day by Day February 4, 2011

In chorus last night we worked on an African song "Woyaya", which has a great syncopated 6/8 rhythm and lyrics I love:

We are going
Heaven knows how we are going
But we know we will
We will get there
Heaven knows how we will get there
But we know we will
The road may be hard
The way muddy and rough
But we'll get there
Heaven knows how we will get there
But we know we will

I thought of Egypt, Sudan, and other places on that great continent. Our mother home. So much turmoil, but even more endurance. I'm inspired.

I think when you take a path, you don't take it because you have it all planned out and know what will happen along the way, or even at the end, you just trust the path. Surprises, detours, the difficulty are all unknown. But all you really have to do is in this moment, put one foot in front of the other. Walking feels good on the the feet, it means direction, purpose. I think sometimes I forget that planning is really not the essential ingredient. Determination is.

Old Age Day by Day February 3, 2011

Like the rest of the country, I'm reading "Unbroken" by Laura Hillebrand. The book is a fascinating account on one man's life, a guy born in the twenties in California. I'm at the part where he is in a B24 in the Pacific in World War II, and, as my Dad was an Army Air Force pilot, I'm getting a glimpse of what it must have been like for him. I'd always thought, since my Dad was stationed on the border between Texas and Mexico, he wasn't really in danger, but this book has taught me that was not the case. Over 52,000 US airmen were killed in the war, and 3/4 of them were in accidents not combat. I know my Dad was pretty much deaf in one ear because of his service, and now, when I put it together, maybe my Mom's first war sweetheart, who was killed, was one of those. The planes were tin cans with lots of flaws, and the pilots were daredevils. I've heard the stories of how my Dad would buzz Mom's apartment house.

And how did the war change him? His line was that it made him a man, and the relatives said he was a hellion before and the service set him straight. He never, ever talked about it. What did he see? I'll never know now. I regret not asking and being curious. Dad never was one for his past - he was as forward thinking as they come, and now I wonder if he felt he had to be. And my mother never spoke in any detail about her first fiance, just that he died in the war. How did that set the course of her life? They were happy, enthusiastic people, but they were impatient, also. They had no truck with prejudice and petty selfish concerns. They called a spade a spade, as they would have said.

I think I am beginning to see why.

Old Age Day by Day February 2, 2011

I'm going with a friend to see a matinee of "The Illusionist" the French animated film, by the director of "The Triplets of Belleville". I expect it to be delightful. In the meantime, there are groceries to be purchased and Spanish to be studied, and other tasks. It's beautiful again, and with the east coast so snowed in, I feel lucky to be where I am. I am getting excited about my trip to see my granddaughter, and thinking of little things to bring her. My foster granddaughter sent me the sweetest card in the mail yesterday, and I love her writing and spelling. They are both fiery and spunky, and those are qualities I adore.

I'm not sure how much my mother appreciated them in me, but I did feel loved and special. I had a whole army of admirers from my mother's huge family, and my father's one sibling was very attentive as well. He bought me a sapphire ring and as I grew would replace it with one of a bigger size. When I was first married he bought me pearls at Macy's, and then he was done. I wasn't his special niece any more, and I understood. I had someone else to adore.

But my mother's next oldest sister sewed me things, then sewed for my kids. The last thing she made before she died was a bunch of clothes for a barbie doll, which she had no idea I did not allow in the house. The clothes were so exquisite I finally broke down and bought a Snow White doll that the clothes would fit. And then realized another reason to never go near barbies. The clothes are actually impossible for a child to get on - it's up to the poor mother to yank and twist to clothe the little anorexic monsters.

I still have some stuffed animals my grandmother made for my kids when they were toddlers. The kids are not sentimental about them, but I am. Thus the massive clutter in my house. I'm too soft hearted to give them away, though most are stored in the basement or under beds. Objects have power, and handmade things are my weakness.

Old Age Day by Day February 1, 2011

My husband and I and our two younger kids went to Egypt years ago, and I still think of it as my favorite trip. It was right before the Gulf War and I was anxious about flying from Athens to Cairo, so my husband called the embassy there and a woman reassured us she had just played tennis and all was well. While we were there, many Egyptians told us how much they loved Bush (the elder) and we were surprised (we certainly didn't), but there were two million Egyptians working in Kuwait, and they wanted their family members to get safely home. Everyone we met had a brother in San Jose, or an uncle in Chicago. They were friendly, laughed a lot, and adored our kids. The Egyptian Museum in Cairo was a highlight of my life, and the week long trip down the Nile from Luxor to Aswan was magical. The artifacts make Rome and Athens look like rubble. From the water and the narrow strip of green Oasis on either side, one could see the nomadic tribes crossing the Sahara, and the sand seemed to have not one living thing on it. We took every form of transportation, from felukas (a kind of sailboat), horse driven carriages, buses and walking. In Cairo we went to the grand mosque and the largest bazaar in the world, a giant maze where several times we ended up in someone's house, and every time they beckoned us to stay for tea. I've never been so charmed by a place.

So I hope this transition to more democratic governmental structure is peaceful and no one is harmed. I also hope the precious artifacts in the museums are protected. It is all of mankind's history; we all came from Africa, and we need to see who we were and compare it with who we've become.