I watched Double Indemnity by myself last night. That Barbara Stanwick was something else! It's really a gorgeous movie, with a complicated plot, unlikeable characters who are obsessive to the point of self destruction, and a sense of the comedy underneath our human frailty. Fred MacMurray is handsome one minute, but the next you see that weak jaw, and you know he's not going to make it. It makes a grand allegory of Los Angeles and the types who are pulled there and thrive or not. I love Stanwick's smirk. Her mouth turns down no matter what is coming out of it.
Afterward I bettered myself by watching a HBO series on India, and learned a lot about the prehistoric period. I had no idea that the Himalayas were caused when India which was an island, slammed up against the continent a few million years ago. Or that after a climate change, the Indus Valley which was a complex civilization with cities of up to 200,000, became a desert and the people moved down to what is now India. Or that the Aryans came most likely from Turkey, and brought Sanscrit with them. What an amazing, fascinating country.
So that is my night last night - the high and the low. A blend that suits me to a T!
So now I know more about
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Old Age Day by Day May 6, 2011
The death of bin Laden and 9/11 talk this week makes me so aware of what all of us have inside us. We want revenge, we want justice, we want forgiveness, we want to move on. I went from shame to guilt to triumph to sadness and back again many times. When 9/11 happened, two of my kids lived in New York, plus my daughter's new husband and his family, plus my sister-in-law. I had the frantic phone calls and emails trying to locate them. The additional horror that my eighteen year old daughter was at college in Pennsylvania near that crash. And my older two children's half brother was flying in the air from Ireland for our older son's wedding in ten days. His plane was turned around when he was over the Atlantic, and they only knew why when they landed in Dublin. The wedding was not canceled, and everyone was teary eyed not just with joy, but with the stunned realization that our world had changed.
Perhaps there is closure somewhere down the line, but I personally cannot see how. Some events change you and you are altered forever. Certainly my kids' lives are different and will always be so. My parents' lives were changed by World War II, and much of it was not spoken of. Most of us don't speak of 9/11 any more. But my instinct tells me that it must be revisited by each of us periodically, not to work a wound, but to acknowledge that we cannot and do not know what is in store for us, what the future may bring. I heard a man say on NPR that he so grateful the last words he said to his two sons were that he loved them. He lost them both at ground zero. He says he has no regrets. I want to keep that voice in my heart, and live by it.
Perhaps there is closure somewhere down the line, but I personally cannot see how. Some events change you and you are altered forever. Certainly my kids' lives are different and will always be so. My parents' lives were changed by World War II, and much of it was not spoken of. Most of us don't speak of 9/11 any more. But my instinct tells me that it must be revisited by each of us periodically, not to work a wound, but to acknowledge that we cannot and do not know what is in store for us, what the future may bring. I heard a man say on NPR that he so grateful the last words he said to his two sons were that he loved them. He lost them both at ground zero. He says he has no regrets. I want to keep that voice in my heart, and live by it.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Old Age Day by Day May 5, 2011
Cinco de Mayo! And the day is perfect. I am hoping to convince my foster granddaughter to go to the zoo and see the new baby otters. First I have a voice lesson and afterward the chorus. I love the otter exhibit anyway, because there are plexiglass parts of the pond and you can see them underwater. Even a small child can watch. Though she will be six in June and is not the tiny thing I used to stroll around looking at animals. She's part teenager and part small child and part conflicted, strong personality. Her complexity reminds me that we were not simple little beings when we were young. We were full of everything that fills us now, but with less impulse control and overview.
Through watching these two granddaughters, I've remembered and discovered a lot about myself when I was young. All the jealousy, disappointment, feelings of powerlessness come up, as well as the adoration of the mother and curiosity and freshness. We are turbulent little beings. The socialization takes a very long time. In some of us it never happens, in others it's truncated. We are innocent, but we are not simple.
Now, I am not innocent, but I am more simple.
Through watching these two granddaughters, I've remembered and discovered a lot about myself when I was young. All the jealousy, disappointment, feelings of powerlessness come up, as well as the adoration of the mother and curiosity and freshness. We are turbulent little beings. The socialization takes a very long time. In some of us it never happens, in others it's truncated. We are innocent, but we are not simple.
Now, I am not innocent, but I am more simple.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Old Age Day by Day May 4, 2011
Ah, it's summer today! I know it won't last, but how delightful. I'm going for a walk with a friend and then lunch. I'm debating what sandals to wear. Last night our younger son dropped by and we sat on the patio and watched the three dogs run around. Quite relaxing. Of course, the garden is already bone dry and needs rescuing, but it's a small price to pay for sunny, calm mediterranean weather. By next week the fear of fires will erupt, and our normal summer paranoia will be in full bloom. But this week, we're grateful for the warming up and drying out.
The book I was talking about yesterday is "The Geography of Thought", not the title I imaginatively made up. I'm still loving it. I'm reading a murder mystery at the same time and also a Buddhist book by Anjah Chan. That way I'm covered no matter what my mood. So far today my mood is Hawaiian music and a flower in the hair.
The book I was talking about yesterday is "The Geography of Thought", not the title I imaginatively made up. I'm still loving it. I'm reading a murder mystery at the same time and also a Buddhist book by Anjah Chan. That way I'm covered no matter what my mood. So far today my mood is Hawaiian music and a flower in the hair.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Old Age Day by Day May 3, 2011
I'm going to have tea with a friend and see and hear about her trip to Turkey. I've always wanted to see Istanbul and travel in that area. They did a tour, so I want to get her feedback on how that was. I hope that we will travel a bit more when my husband retires, but it depends on how we get along on less money. It's always a toss up whether to fix the old house or old cabin or travel. I think the cabin is our destination this summer. But I love to hear about others' adventures, and armchair travel is in some ways the best. I am a sucker for a book with an exotic locale and characters from another culture.
I am reading the Geography of the Mind, about research attempting to determine if people in the west have different brains than people in the East, or the differences in thinking are environmental. It is fascinating to read about tests done that show dramatic differences. Children in the East begin by learning a majority of verbs, while toddlers in the West learn nouns. This reflects very different ways of raising children. In the West we want them to be independent, in the East, interdependent. I am loving the book.
Interestingly, when I do the tests in the book I often see them with an Eastern bias. Either this has always been with me, or my mind has changed over the years of studying Buddhism. I know for sure my mind is constantly changing and has always done so, and I do not believe in stasis. Everything I've ever experienced has convinced me of my interdependence as well. Some of that may be Native American viewpoint, which seems to mirror the Eastern view more closely. No wonder the culture clash occurred in this country and continues with immigrants, especially Asian people. This is an eye opening book.
I am reading the Geography of the Mind, about research attempting to determine if people in the west have different brains than people in the East, or the differences in thinking are environmental. It is fascinating to read about tests done that show dramatic differences. Children in the East begin by learning a majority of verbs, while toddlers in the West learn nouns. This reflects very different ways of raising children. In the West we want them to be independent, in the East, interdependent. I am loving the book.
Interestingly, when I do the tests in the book I often see them with an Eastern bias. Either this has always been with me, or my mind has changed over the years of studying Buddhism. I know for sure my mind is constantly changing and has always done so, and I do not believe in stasis. Everything I've ever experienced has convinced me of my interdependence as well. Some of that may be Native American viewpoint, which seems to mirror the Eastern view more closely. No wonder the culture clash occurred in this country and continues with immigrants, especially Asian people. This is an eye opening book.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Old Age Day by Day May 2, 2011
It's sitting outside weather right now. I love it! Today we are planting some flowers and turning on the watering system and generally waking up to the dry season. Kind of like my skin regularly. I had normal skin all my life, and have trouble adjusting to the fact that I now need an oil derick attached to me - all moisture is absorbed instantly and no matter how many times I put cream on my skin it can always drink in more. I'm not very girly, and all my life have had an aversion to creams, perfume, foundation and manicures. I came late to the sunscreen dance, and still have to put anything on my face by an act of will. I used soap and water exclusively until my fifties. A salon is my idea of purgatory.
Now shoes are another matter. Like my mother before me, I am drawn to a new pair of shoes like a transformer to a magnet. And yes, I wear earrings, and sometimes even a necklace, and I have skirts and dresses, mostly lost in the recesses of my closet, but I'm not against them, I just never wear them. That is because, if they require tights or pantyhose, I won't put them on. They are a summer only option. I have sworn off hose in all forms. Socks are okay, and I do wear an occasional skirt with shoes and socks. Like once a year.
As a kid I was a tomboy with some girlie flourishes. I remain the same. Destiny is powerful.
Now shoes are another matter. Like my mother before me, I am drawn to a new pair of shoes like a transformer to a magnet. And yes, I wear earrings, and sometimes even a necklace, and I have skirts and dresses, mostly lost in the recesses of my closet, but I'm not against them, I just never wear them. That is because, if they require tights or pantyhose, I won't put them on. They are a summer only option. I have sworn off hose in all forms. Socks are okay, and I do wear an occasional skirt with shoes and socks. Like once a year.
As a kid I was a tomboy with some girlie flourishes. I remain the same. Destiny is powerful.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Old Age Day by Day May 1, 2011
May Day! I grew up in Virginia, where there was a May Pole, huge May Day pomp and festivities at school, a May Queen and the whole nine yards. It was an all out bash for the promise of summer and swimming in the river and long games of gin rummy, Hearts, Monopoly and the like. School was as good as over by May 1. Here there is more Cinco de Mayo than May Day, but I still feel excited and anticipatory when the day comes. I have lots of thoughts of canoeing and sitting out on the deck of our cabin and staring at the lake. I'm sure there is still snow right now, but hopefully soon we'll be dragging out the chairs and putting up the umbrellas and struggling getting the canoe down to the water.
We've had such a wet year it also means mosquitoes galore, and my weaponry needs to be in order not to get bitten out of my mind. I'm actually more leery of spider bites. They last for weeks and really, really itch. But some pain must be born if one is to get this leisure thing down pat. Flopping is an art. And I am a master.
We've had such a wet year it also means mosquitoes galore, and my weaponry needs to be in order not to get bitten out of my mind. I'm actually more leery of spider bites. They last for weeks and really, really itch. But some pain must be born if one is to get this leisure thing down pat. Flopping is an art. And I am a master.
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