Old Age Day by Day September 12, 2011

We saw the movie "Contagion" yesterday for five bucks. It was not as good as "Outbreak", but still interesting. How a movie about something so dire can be entertaining I'm not sure, maybe because it is in the back of our minds anyway, and we get our anxieties front and center, but without any responsibility - more disconnected and thus seemingly safer.

Today I weighed myself after skipping over a month, and I had lost a bit. But not what the doctor said to lose. I guess I'll have to do a sort of diet to get down five pounds. Just a salad for dinner or something like that. As much as I've eaten out recently, it's a miracle I've not gained. I attribute it to running around after a three year old and lots of walking. But now, with the little dynamo back home, I must take it upon myself to keep active. Back to the exercise video, and perhaps more cleaning around the house. I vacuumed yesterday morning at nine am and it felt GOOD.

The sun just came out, so my day just got better. I'll walk the dogs and take it from there.

Old Age Day by Day September 11, 2011

I'm back from being a grandma full time, and I miss my granddaughter, but am happily doing laundry and getting lists going for appointments put off, grocery shopping and reconnecting with friends. We rode many trains, a boat and now it's time for grandma to rest up. What joy a grandchild is, and how invigorated I feel around her! My granddaughter, daughter and I were in the hotel in side by side queen beds, so I overheard my granddaughter telling her mother, very seriously, that she did not want to die. She is 3 years and four months. Her mom told her she wasn't going to die. Then she said was she going to die ever. Her mom told her not for a long, long time. She said she didn't want to get old, was she going to get old? Same answer. She didn't want to get old because she didn't want red hands. Her mother said she was so young and she had many many years to live.

Next day I said to my daughter. I'm with her. This growing old business is disgusting! We laughed. But it was the essential question, and at three, she gets it. I pray she loves her life and it is very, very long. I don't believe I was as precocious as my granddaughter, but I remember worrying about the universe and life on other planets, and god and death and the atomic bomb. And I was pretty young. It's like Gerald Manley Hopkins' "Spring and Fall to a Young Child". "Margaret, are you grieving, over golden groves' unleaving".

It's hard to imagine not being in the world, and, without understanding our interconnectedness, terrifying. Our world is ourselves, but we sense, even when very young, that it is not the true world. My granddaughter seemed comforted by her mother's reassurances, but us older people do represent something disturbing - we're on our way to somewhere else, but where?

Old Age Day by Day August 30, 2011

I watched two Antique Roadshows last night, appropriate, I know, given my own age. I was antsy. I didn't want to read my book, I had called everyone already, my husband was at his old lab finishing up something. The beauty of it is, no commercials. Thus the dogs and I were able to prevail. As usual, stuff that looked like junk was valuable, gorgeous vases were practically worthless, there was a Confederate Flag and a Winchester rifle. I guess there will never be an end to war memorabilia, but I fail to see the allure. Rugs and furniture seem to not be valuable, no matter how old. I think that's the category I'm in. However, often Native American crafts are super valuable. The guy with the Winchester rifle which he had been told was in a battle with Custer, was not the right kind of rifle, but a beaded pony bag, was the real treasure, more than thirty times so. It was soft deerskin, with beaded plants in black, white and pumpkin colors, not all over beaded, just enough to be elegant and evocative of the plains. I was rooting for art over artillery, and for once, it prevailed.

A couple of more hours before my granddaughter arrives. I'm excited. I slept very poorly last night. I have her dress up box all set: firefighter, fairy, chef, doctor, scarves, pearls, picture hats. Let the games begin!

Old Age Day by Day August 29, 2011

Last day before El Tornado arrives. I've gotten down the little table and chairs, play food, playmobil, dolls, books and dress up clothes. A couple of stops for items and I'm set. She's arriving in an RV, so I bet she will want to stay with mom instead of our old boring house. She asked me on the phone yesterday what we were going to do, and I listed a bunch of things to which she said, we already did that. Oh, well. I'm sure we're going to keep her busy. My friend emailed that I'd better take my vitamins. True enough!

In the meantime, I'll enjoy the weather, the anticipation, the ways to get her on a train ride. Though to judge by last time, fairy bandaids are as dazzling as any trip. And walking the dogs and seeing my foster granddaughter are high up on the list as well. She's happy bungling in our back yard, and making the deck into a boat and the tiny bridge into an adventure. And I am delighted just watching.

Old Age Day by Day August 28, 2011

You know the expression, "my eyes are bigger than my stomach"? I feel full, real full, overeating type full. I had two Belgian ales Friday night and way too much food at a Spanish restaurant, then ate too much at Study Group, then had fried chicken last night. So what did I do this morning? Made scrambled eggs, sausage (veggie, but still) and biscuits. At least I stopped after one biscuit, but that was to eat a bunch of cherries. Now I don't feel so good, again! This, I know, is called gluttony, but I'm sure I can calm down, and get back to moderation. Well, I'm almost sure.

It's a beautiful day, so hopefully I'll move my body enough to work off a very overendulgent weekend. But first, Target and a grocery store, and then maybe I'll be exhausted from shopping, and who knows, I may need a nap, and after all, our granddaughter is coming tomorrow and we should rest up for the little tornado.

As you can see, my will power is in short supply.

Old Age Day by Day August 27, 2011

I have had a busy twenty four hours. We were spending our last time with our Irish "son" for this visit, and then I had a study group and meeting after which lasted five hours. I got little sleep last night so I'm going to snuggle down with a book in a minute and doze. I'm an excellent dozer. I get my sleeping abilities from my Dad, who could sleep anywhere, any time. And I'm a believer in naps. It's how I made it through college, and small children and now old age. I love my pillow, my bed, the chaise lounge in the sunroom, and my many cosy spots. I'm catlike in that way. Of course, my dogs sleep about 23 out of 24 hours, so I could say doglike. And they love to nap with me on the bed. Excuse me, I feel a rest time coming on.

Old Age Day by Day August 26, 2011

I finished "Room" yesterday. It was very disturbing and hard to read, but super well written. And the subject couldn't be more important. Because women are held like this all over the world. But more than a book about captivity, it is a book about motherhood and how tenacious our love can be. We won't give up, we don't, and we do so much more than survive. That love is absolute. I don't want to give away any plot, because I think everyone should read it. It's not a perfect book, but it gets hold of you and tugs.

Today I'm having lunch and dinner out. Lunch with our older son and his half brother, whom we adore, dinner with them and also our younger daughter and son. Tomorrow our Irish son leaves. I will miss him. It is so rare we're all together, but for a brief moment, at the cabin, we were. It makes for great memories.

My husband and I walked over to see "Cave of Forgotten Dreams" at our local theater. I'd already seen it, but was happy to see it again. The cave drawings are so beautiful, and the world it reveals so mesmerizing. My husband liked it as well. It feels so weird to be able to see a movie in the middle of the day. This retirement thing is strange.