Old Age Day by Day October 10, 2011

I walked the dogs in the rain this morning.  It wasn't unpleasant.  It's a very gentle rain, and we had the dog traipsing paths to ourselves.  I think I've adjusted to fall now.  I love the Halloween decorations, and the children's enthusiasm for costumes.  I used to love the candy, too, especially candy corn and bite size 3 Muscateers and Snickers.  Sigh.  No more candy for me.  One daughter's birthday is a week away, and the other's is in December (as is my son-in-law's) and there is Thanksgiving.  I tore out a bunch of receipes from a magazine, and am contemplating green beans with dates and a new cranberry relish with many strange surprises in it.  I'm definitely getting in the mood.

Today I'm sewing hair on a cloth doll I bought for my granddaughter, then mailing packages and doing other errands.  We've gotten to the last disc on WWII, and may watch it tonight.  Our older son is coming for dinner, so I'm going to take more care than usual with dinner.  This diet has so far made me focus more intently on food, and that is not helpful.  I'm trying to see the thrill in broccoli, which I had with an egg for breakfast, but it ain't doin it!  The struggle goes on!

Old Age Day by Day October 9, 2011

We had a nice day yesterday, and old friends came for dinner.  I love the history we have with each other.  I think of the birth of their daughter, another daughter's chatter when we walked back from kindergarden together, canoeing on the lake, Thanksgivings and Christmases spent together.  These are people who have got our back, and have been there for us when we needed support.  And we live within walking distance of each other.  I have several really close friends who are right in my neighborhood.  On Friday another friend, who has moved farther away, and I walked towards campus, and browsed the Anthropology gift shop and the art museum.  We saw a baby show that we found interesting, and discovered that the bookstore was having a big sale, so we came out with about 5 or 6 books each.  It was fun, and we ate a late lunch with my husband joining us, and the leisurelyness of it was so delightful. 

Today we take a walk with our younger daughter, and then I plan to sew the yarn hair on a doll I found for my granddaughter, and we will probably resume World War II.  We just finished the battle of Saipan.  The reality of my life and the horror of war juxtaposed in the strange way that video allows nowadays. 

Old Age Day by Day October 7, 2011

After some torrential rain this week, today and the weekend are supposed to be warm.  Now they tell us, after we broke down and turned on the heat.  I intend to take full advantage of the warming, by going on a walk with a friend today, and a hike on Sunday.  Now that I can't eat, I'm focusing on nature.  I will have to feed my soul in other ways.  Actually, maybe eating a tuna melt was not feeding my soul anyway.

Chorus last night was that mixture of panic, when I can't get the notes, to pleasure, when I got through respectably.  I liked the songs we are singing better this time than two weeks ago, and the people are friendly.  I've not fallen in love with any of the songs, but it's early days.  Finding the space inside my mouth, and relaxing my throat are helping with my sound.  It feels healthy, almost like physical therapy. 

Certainly, eating to much was not physical therapy, and I knew it at the time.  Why do it?  Because like most folks, my instincts are way out ahead of my rational brain.  And why can I take better care now?  Because two friends are successfully losing weight, and I can talk about it with them, and I have a doctor who cares enough to keep encouraging me.  I'm pretty lucky.

Old Age Day by Day October 5, 2011

I have ordered and sent my granddaughter a witch hat and accoutrements for Halloween.  This is the second year she has wanted to be a witch.  Well, she is going to be a combination of Cinderella and a witch, whereas last year she was a fairy/witch.  I believe she must like pointy hats.  When I was last with her I asked if she was a good witch or bad witch, and she said there were no good witches.  I pointed out the good witch in Wizard of Oz.  She dismissed my argument.  I wonder if this witch/princess thing is a reconciliation of her good and bad sides.  If so, she's saving thousands of dollars in therapy later.  I myself have only recently allowed that I might have a dark side.  I like to think of myself as sitting beside Jesus in a baby blue dress, looking up adoringly.  In Sunday School, a picture in the room evidently imprinted on my brain in a permanent marker fashion.

My foster granddaughter's mom is having a baby, and we are all excited about that coming event.  We've begun thinking of names, even though the parents probably believe they are in charge.  My granddaughter is old enough not to feel threatened, she'll be almost seven when the baby arrives, and she's in school, on a soccer team, and has her peers.  I'm not saying there won't be adjustments, but she's not going to envy the baby being a baby.  She's had her mom to herself for a very long time.  Well, okay, maybe I'm naive, but at least I'm positive.

Old Age Day by Day October 4, 2011

I saw "Moneyball" last night and really enjoyed it.  Like "Social Network", also written by Adam Sorkin, it focuses on a complex individual and what drives him.  The fact that it is about my beloved Oakland A's also helps, though it is not your typical baseball movie.  I think it shows the mystery of the game and the heartache really well.  I went with my daughter and her boyfriend, and it was set in a time she remembers, though she's in her twenties.  Her boyfriend is from Philadelphia, so it perhaps was not as interesting to him, but he loves the game, and now he's based here, so it may be excellent background material.


My friend just called about seeing another movie, about Sarah Palin, but I don't have the detachment to see it.  None of what's going on the the Republican camp is amusing to me, just totally depressing.  We're going to look in the paper and see if we can find something else to go to.  Maybe seeing Ken Burns' "War" is taking its toll.  I feel like I'm learning so much about WWII and that era, but having myths dispelled is painful.  And the ugliness of war is unfathomable, no matter how much you learn.  The numbers alone stun me into confusion.  The deliberate cruelty and stupidity makes it hard to feel the value in being human.

Yep, I'm definitely not in the mood for anything other than a musical.  And I bet there are none in the theaters.  I'm going to go back to reading Bill Bryson's "The Thunderbolt Kid".  Very funny and light.

Old Age Day by Day October 3, 2011

I had decided to reread some Grahame Greene.  I'd devoured his books in my early twenties, and wondered how they'd hold up now.  I picked "Stamboul Train" to begin with, as I barely remembered it.  Wow!  Talk about noir!  The language is so dense and insidious, and the many points of view of the chararcters make it anxious and claustrophobic as the train itself.  The anti-Semitism is blatant, and  objectification of women rampant.  No one ends up looking innocent, and the use the characters make of each other is like a preview of the atmosphere before World War II in Europe.  Class and ethnicity and arbitrary power show the reader why another conflagration occurred.  Then my husband and I watched Part II of Ken Burns' The War, about World War II and I felt I had read the lead up to the ugliness and inhumanity of that conflict.  I believe I'll hunt out another of Greene's books.  He was a master of language and the complexity of human motivation.  He never makes it simple for us. 

One of the joys of growing older is this rereading of books.  Jump ahead a few decades, and my take on the same book is transformed.  It's almost magic!

Old Age Day by Day October 2, 2011

We had a lovely visit with our friends.  Smooth driving each way, and very relaxed.  We stay at the same motel each time, and it's comfortable and easy walking around the town from it.  Today is our opera, in which Renee Fleming supposedly flames out.  Well - the dying of the summer, the shift to fall, it all works.  I'm adjusting.  I'm also on a diet, and doing pretty good, but the lack of carbs is a toughie for me.  First the sugar, now no carbs, it doesn't leave much, but I guess that's the idea.  I'm afraid it's my husband who will lose the weight and I won't.  But I have lost some already, which is encouraging, and more importantly, I have two friends who are doing this as well, and I can talk to them and get some support.  I can see that I'm going to have to get into coffees and teas, and exotic greens and maybe just smelling things a lot.  I could be a bakery bum, staring through the window at those lucky people who get to BUY brioche.  I could rub fresh bread on my body, and sleep with raisin bagels under my pillow. 

In the meantime, while I'm whittling away to nothing, or at least a person with a waist, I can concentrate on my intellectual development.  More Rosetta Stone, less stoneground wheat.  And there is sewing, and walking, and singing, and all the other things I love, that I can look forward to instead of lunch.  I hope.