Old Age Day by Day December 7, 2012

My husband and I saw "Life of Pi" yesterday, and it is knock out.  So beautiful to see and so profound, but in a gentle, funny way.  Irrfan Khan is wonderful, and the whole movie is magic.  I can't recommend it enough.  It's about our "stories" of ourselves, and how we have choice about how we see the world. 

I had a lovely time perusing two stores for little gifts - stocking stuffers and a baby gift and ornaments, plus a couple of surprises for our younger daughter, who's birthday is Sunday.  I love finding things for other people, it gives me real pleasure.  That and having a party are my two favorite activities this time of year.  Today I'm searching at Ikea for some goodies.  Wish me luck.

Old Age Day by Day December 6, 2012

I was happy today to see an article in the newspaper about Obama meeting with the Conference of Tribal Elders again.  He's kept his promise and met with them every single year.  He's been adopted into the Crow Nation and is Barack Black Eagle.  The respect he is showing for our Native American history in this country thrills me.  And the same newspaper also had an article about a large percentage of Californians feeling happier since Obama won the election.  Of course, that could be just relief the whole election morass is over.  But I am happy. 

And grateful.  The claims adjuster came out, did not look behind the refrigerator, so what the heck were we waiting for?  But anyway, they will pay part and we will pay part, and we can now attempt to get someone to come out and fix the eyesore.  Lots of luck getting anyone until January.  Of course they were very late, then called and said someone else was coming out, then he was very, very late, and we sat around waiting and waiting.  I wish it had been for Godot. 

Today I aim to do one frivolous thing, and not just take care of Christmas business. 

Old Age Day by Day December 5, 2012

Today I'm going with my granddaughter ornament looking, and we will also pick out a couple for our trees.  The nursery has umpteen trees with a theme for each:  ballet, pets, skiing, elves, zoo, you name it.  I'm also looking for little snow globes, for the children and grandchildren of friends.  It's raining and dreary, so that outing ought to cheer us right up.  My friend might join us and share in the fun.

The claims adjuster is coming out this morning, so maybe we can get an okay to fix the mess in the kitchen.  Or not.  What will be will be, as my mother used to say.  It wasn't illuminating then and it isn't now.

I've been working hard on Christmas cards, and I'm getting there.  As usual, I picked the wrong number of photos to reproduce, and have ended up with extras of some and wishing I had more of others.  I can't quite figure out an intelligent plan for the process.  But I get my cards out and promptly, so I'm not going to beat myself up.  In fact, I'm grateful for the process I have developed, which gets the job done with minimal back pain.  Today in the newspaper there was an article on researching gratitude's effects on people, and I know from my practice the efficacy of thinking of stuff I'm grateful for.  I'm happier for it.  Evidently it also soothes the heart, the body and soul.  Well, yeah!

Old Age Day by Day December 4, 2012

We picked up our younger daughter and her boyfriend from the airport last night and I was struck by how clear the night was and how far the visibility.  Part of this probably is because of the recent rains cleaning the air, but part I think is the fact that I rarely go out at night now, so I have this abstract notion of what the night looks like.  I also lack confidence in my vision, especially at night, but last night I would have had no trouble driving.  It's too easy to be scared off of activities at night, or just not being shut in the house at night, which comes so early this time of year.  Unfortunately, walking at night is not an option in my high crime rate area.  Then I could really look up and see the stars.  Our house is surrounded by huge trees, so the back or front yard don't afford a view.  I'm missing something.  I realized that.

Today is a big push to wrap a big present for our granddaughter and get it mailed.  Ugh!  Then I have a meeting in the afternoon.  I don't like meetings.  Oh, well, there are lovely moments no doubt in this gray day.  I just have to find them.

Old Age Day by Day December 3, 2012

We're having a dry day today, so my husband is rushing out to take the dogs to the reservoir, and I am going to do a bunch of errands.  The sun is shining and the waters have receded.  We had a nice lunch with our younger son yesterday, walking there and back and getting fruit on the way.  Then I read my amazing book, and called a friend and generally snuggled in for the dark wet evening.  I am so interested in the summary of information in Solomon's book, and riveted to the stories of families coping or not with horrendous surprises of children sick and disabled and difficult, without often the support they need and deserve.  I read about schizophrenia last night, and the suffering of its victims leaves no silver lining.  Parents literally lose the child they loved to a stranger.  But their courage, and that of the victims, in the face of such a cruel, relentless disease, is humbling.  These victims need halfway houses and constant care all their lives, but our culture seems to believe we aren't responsible for them and should leave it to the families.  What a tragedy.

How we face what we have to bear depends on circumstances as much as character.  Those with resources succeed in getting help, those without are lost, to fend for themselves.  I believe if we had universal health care, there would soon be facilities and halfway houses to give families relief and a sense of safety.  I hope our country takes the compassionate stance on people with disabilities.  I don't think it has fully embraced our interconnectedness and need to take care of our communities, not just ourselves.  I hope everyone reads this book.

Old Age Day by Day December 2, 2012

There are flood warnings and such a deluge I did not go to meditation this morning.  It's supposed to clear this afternoon.  In the meantime I am reading my terrific book by Solomon, "Far From the Tree".  It is so thought provoking and informational.  I have read the chapters on deaf children and dwarves.  Nest is down syndrome.  He is exploring what makes parents accept or reject difference in their children, and how being different and more importantly, others' attitudes affects these children.  It is a lesson in capacity and compassion.  It reminds me of my first husband's family, in Fiji, who had no money or resources, but tenderly cared for their severely disabled son in the middle of their one room, so that he was surrounded by his family and great kindness until he died, many years later.  I don't know his life from his perspective, but I know he never new cruelty, abandonment or felt a lack of belonging, whereas many parents would have sent him away to be wearhoused.

So I am learning spiritual lessons from this book.  Solomon's other book, "The Noonday Demon:  an Atlas of Depression" informed me in the same way.  Our attitude towards what our life unfolds as is more important than any details.  After reading that book I had so much more compassion for what the world labels mental illness.  I saw it as complex and also so individual.  The responses are infinite.  The possibilities just as infinite.

Old Age Day by Day December 1, 2012

Today is my friend's birthday, which is gratifying, as she can no longer rib me about being older, as she has for the last three months.  We often celebrate her birthday together, but we didn't this year, and I miss that.  I hope to see her in early February, and it will be here in a blink of an eye, I know, but still.  Birthdays are hard, and I appreciate my friends and family's thoughtfulness to ease me through.  Basically, we don't know how in the hell we got this old, and we know we should feel grateful, but along with that comes some bafflement about how to be.  My parents died decades ago, so I don't have a solid model for how this works, and neither does my best friend.  We're winging it, as they say.

I have been growing my hair out, because I don't care anymore if I'm too old for long hair, or look like a witch (at least a witch has powers).  I just like my hair long, so there!  Otherwise, I think I am basically age appropriate, and semi dignified, but if I want a nest on my head, so what.  There may be other rebellions in the offing, who knows.  And who cares?!  Us invisible elderly, free at last.