I've already walked the dogs. Why not? They got us up a bunch of times last night. They are totally disoriented from not being in their normal places in the kitchen, and last night we tried them in their crates in the living room, then up in the TV room. They hear sounds and bark, they can't tell what time it is and bark, they are scared and bark. Consequently, we are pretty exhausted. Distruption has been the order of every day for over two months. It's hard to imagine the kitchen being back to rights.
All this highlights how lucky we are, how calm are lives are, and how little this all matters, if we take care of our mental states. I have a bunch of tricks up my sleeves to handle stress, including talking to friends, meditation, talking to Buddhist teachers, talking to my therapist, reading, getting out of the house, walking, seeing a movie. I plan to do the latter today. Either "Promised Land" or "The Impossible". And I've been working my way through Alafair Burke's mysteries, having fun with the fact that she gets better each book. I have two more, then I'm going to read Jared Diamond's new book. Then Junot Diaz's book, then "The Marriage Plot". I can outlast the kitchen mess, just see if I don't!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Old Age Day by Day January 6, 2013
Another dreary day, but listening to a dharma talk and meditating helped. Then my husband and I had lunch and I bought new pajamas. Now I'm going to hibernate the rest of the day. It's cold, and I have a good mystery, so why not. I received and email from an old friend in Australia, and from my best bud up north, so that is uplifting. I'm also getting excited about the retreat. I'm ready to get away for a couple of days. I'm trying to do what my teacher says and dance between my thoughts and feelings. The dance metaphor is a good one for me, as I adore dancing, though in my Indian, foot stomping exuberant way. Letting the body take over and move without directing it, that is freedom.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Old Age Day by Day January 5, 2013
We had a nice dinner with our younger son last night at his place. We watched some football, talked and played with his dog. He has one of those lofty places, and it's warm and cosy. I ate too much and had two glasses of wine, so that, and worrying about the kitchen, made for a restless night's sleep. The repairs in the kitchen look pretty bleak and endless at this point. I'm going to try to persuade my husband to go to a movie this afternoon. Tonight we are meeting our younger daughter's boyfriend's parents for dinner. Tomorrow I have meditation, so I hopefully will work on some equanimity. It's hard to have the house invaded again and again with two big dogs to move around like musical chairs. I believe I have now officially lost my sense of humor about it.
It doesn't help that the weather is gray and overcast, and tomorrow it may rain. At least I made the most of yesterday's sunny weather, walking with my friend and her granddaughter in the morning, then going out to lunch and then walking around with another friend in the afternoon. And next weekend I'll be on retreat, so my frame of mind should improve. But right now I'm in a slough, just beaten down a bit by thing after thing going wrong with the repairs.
It doesn't help that the weather is gray and overcast, and tomorrow it may rain. At least I made the most of yesterday's sunny weather, walking with my friend and her granddaughter in the morning, then going out to lunch and then walking around with another friend in the afternoon. And next weekend I'll be on retreat, so my frame of mind should improve. But right now I'm in a slough, just beaten down a bit by thing after thing going wrong with the repairs.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Old Age Day by Day January 4m 2013
My friend and I went to see the film "A Late Quartet" yesterday. It was an interesting look inside the world of musicians, and the insular, hothouse life they lead. Unfortunately, it does not seem attractive or worth the effort. Not enough of the joy of performing or being highly skilled is shown. So one is left with a view of an unraveling that is painful and sad. The acting is superb, with Christoper Walken, Catherine Keener and Philip Seymour Hoffman. It's a showcase for acting, but a bit melodramatic. But it was refreshing to be thinking about such talented individuals, and what hard work it is, and how much is sacrificed to have fame and fortune.
It reminded me of the chapter in Andrew Solomon's "Far From the Tree" on Proteges. It is perhaps as much a curse as a blessing to be so gifted so early, and have the expectations and demands that accompany that gift. In so many ways, an ordinary life is richer and fuller.
It reminded me of the chapter in Andrew Solomon's "Far From the Tree" on Proteges. It is perhaps as much a curse as a blessing to be so gifted so early, and have the expectations and demands that accompany that gift. In so many ways, an ordinary life is richer and fuller.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Old Age Day by Day January 3, 2013
Well, yesterday we kind of lost our minds. We looked at two places for refrigerators, and the ones with better consumer reports were ten thousand dollars. We could buy a good car for that. We got home and sunk into despair. We got on our pajamas and went to bed and talked in the dark, and when I asked my husband what time it was it was 7:15 pm. We started laughing, got up, I made spagetti and meatballs which we ate in our pjs, and then he worked on his puzzle and I read. We are trapped in either getting a crappy new refrigerator or a better one with a life span of ten years. The warranties are for one year. Evidently, if you need a refrig that is inset, you must pay as if it is made out of gold. And they all look exactly alike and cause no thrills. I was hoping refusing to buy another SubZero would lessen the cost, but no, not really. These refrigerators are built to self destruct almost immediately, and there is not a darned thing you can do about it. Welcome to the disposable culture.
I was threatening to put a cooler in the recess all yesterday, and trying to figure out in my mind if I could live without a refrigerator. I was willing to try. But today we will probably order one of these ripoffs, and that will be that. It gets the blood boiling, for sure.
I was threatening to put a cooler in the recess all yesterday, and trying to figure out in my mind if I could live without a refrigerator. I was willing to try. But today we will probably order one of these ripoffs, and that will be that. It gets the blood boiling, for sure.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Old Age Day by Day January 2m 2013
We got the whole Christmas enchilada packed away in the basement. It was hard work, but satisfying. Today the refrigerator shopping commences. Big whoop. It is still crisp and clear and cold. Our houses and wardrobes are not prepared for this weather, but we manage. We're all wimps here.
The local movie critic had an article in the paper this morning about gun violence and his part in not speaking up when he reviews films. He regrets that he didn't say more specifically something about the violence in "Dark Knight Rises" and "Jack Reacher". It was good to see him in print admit that his own taste for violent fare colors his reviews, and to see the connection between what kids see and play and what actions they contemplate. I admire him for admitting we've crossed a line. He loved "Django Unchained", but he says that could be NC17, because it's for an adult audience. I'd already decided it was too violent for me to see, as is "Zero Dark Thirty". I won't see something that glorifies hunting down and killing a man by our government. Hunt him down and put him on trial. That's what I used to believe was the American way.
What changed for me was seeing "Silence of the Lambs" way back when. My husband and friends convinced me the acting was so great, yada yada, and then I had to pay a therapist after to talk about it. There is no justification for anyone under 21 seeing it, and I felt corrupted and dirtied by paying for a ticket to see it. I began seeing buying a ticket as a political act. And when you do see violent films, the audience reaction is sometimes sickening and scary. When I saw "Monster", to catch Charlise Theron's Oscar nominated performance, a very sick individual was overly excited about the subject matter. It was disturbing on so many levels.
So if not censorship, because that never works, at least using the rating system to keep this ugly trash out of the heads of children whose brains haven't even developed fully. And maybe just maybe, monitor your kids about their games, computer time and activities. I thought that is what we were supposed to do as parents. Not buy them whatever gets them out of our hair. Because they are getting into our hair in whole new, horrific ways.
The local movie critic had an article in the paper this morning about gun violence and his part in not speaking up when he reviews films. He regrets that he didn't say more specifically something about the violence in "Dark Knight Rises" and "Jack Reacher". It was good to see him in print admit that his own taste for violent fare colors his reviews, and to see the connection between what kids see and play and what actions they contemplate. I admire him for admitting we've crossed a line. He loved "Django Unchained", but he says that could be NC17, because it's for an adult audience. I'd already decided it was too violent for me to see, as is "Zero Dark Thirty". I won't see something that glorifies hunting down and killing a man by our government. Hunt him down and put him on trial. That's what I used to believe was the American way.
What changed for me was seeing "Silence of the Lambs" way back when. My husband and friends convinced me the acting was so great, yada yada, and then I had to pay a therapist after to talk about it. There is no justification for anyone under 21 seeing it, and I felt corrupted and dirtied by paying for a ticket to see it. I began seeing buying a ticket as a political act. And when you do see violent films, the audience reaction is sometimes sickening and scary. When I saw "Monster", to catch Charlise Theron's Oscar nominated performance, a very sick individual was overly excited about the subject matter. It was disturbing on so many levels.
So if not censorship, because that never works, at least using the rating system to keep this ugly trash out of the heads of children whose brains haven't even developed fully. And maybe just maybe, monitor your kids about their games, computer time and activities. I thought that is what we were supposed to do as parents. Not buy them whatever gets them out of our hair. Because they are getting into our hair in whole new, horrific ways.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Old Age Day by Day January 1, 2013
We watched the Rose Bowl parade for two hours this morning, then had breakfast and tackled the dismantling of the decorations. We're near completion now, and pretty weary. I took the dogs for a walk after the parade, and it's very cold here for us and super windy, so I'm still a little chilled. We didn't stay up until midnight last night, but woke up with the noise and my husband turned on the TV for a minute. Then the dogs woke us up at 4:30 am and we got up at eight am. Not the most restful night, but my mood was calm and happy all evening and today when I awoke. The days are getting longer now, the day is dry, and I'm looking forward to visits, travel and other events this new year. Maybe our kitchen will even be fixed eventually. Tomorrow we will shop for a new refrigerator, the very last thing I wanted. But today, it's good to be in a home I like, with all of my loved ones well and happy.
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