Old Age Day by Day April 15, 2013

Maria Tallchief died.  She was part of a group of Oklahoma ballerinas called the Oklahoma Indian ballerinas.  Her father was Osage and her mother Scottish.  She rose to the highest ranks and danced Stravinsky's Firebird, choreographed for her.  She was even married to Balanchine.  I'd like to read a biography of her sometime.  What a movie her life would make!

It is cold today.  I'm wearing a wool sweater.  The weather makes my knees and toes and other worn out parts ache.  I think it's a good day for a movie, if I can find one I want to see.  In the meantime, I'll continue reading a Bill Bryson book that is quite funny, about Iowa, where he grew up and other small midwest towns. 

Old Age Day by Day April 114, 2013

The dharma talk this morning was on accepting our human limitations.  That includes death.  And after I got back my husband and I went out to lunch with our younger daughter and her boyfriend, and there were human limitations.  Our waitress forgot about us, served us rancid chips, brought our lunch which clearly had been waiting for her to pick up for twenty minutes and tasted awful, and we were forced to acknowledge her limitations as a waitress by tipping less than we would have.  Oh, right, that's not what Anam Thubten meant.  My limitations were reached, too, that's for sure.  Another in an endless lesson on patience. 

Our teacher said that fear is the biggest hindrance to awareness.  And our fear of death is our foremost fear.  If we could embrace life, and not get hung up on the birth and death thing, just understand that life is continuous and we are a part of that beginningless, endless dynamic, then we could live with the world as it is and our lives as they are.  I like the sound of that.  And for very brief moments I can feel it in my heart.

I had a good talk with the man sitting next to me during meditation.  Well, not during, but before.  He's lived in a ashram, and has had many teachers and was fascinating to talk to.  He has the same first name as my dad.  And for some reason I thought of my brother, as if this guy was a stand in for my silent frere.  There was some synchronicity.  I'm open to that right now.  I can't talk to my brother, but I can talk to this man, and listening to him, I saw what he wasn't saying, about addiction and feeling lost and searching for meaning.  I was able to be compassionate and open.  It's a strange, wonderful world.

Old Age Day by Day April 13, 2013

Well, the baseball game was terrific last night.  Close and exciting and the A's won in the bottom of the 12th with a homer.  4-3.  We were thrilled, even though we'd gotten very cold sitting there.  We had great seats which a friend of my friend had given us, so that made last night all the more special.  I'm a bit tired this morning from staying up late, but it was worth it.  Nine in a row.  Nice!

We brought sandwiches from a deli, so we even ate pretty well.  And it was too cold for much beer.  So we're relatively healthy from the experience, as well.  Maybe a few peanuts and a 72% chocolate bar shared.  We agreed we all needed hot butter rum or Irish whiskey. 

Today I may see my granddaughter play softball.  I've got to check where the field is and whether she's going.  That way I'll continue my ballpark experience.

Old Age Day by Day April 12, 2013

We're going to an A's game tonight with friends.  They're on a winning streak, and I hope we don't spoil it.  I have my A's hat, tee shirt, sweatshirt and bag set out.  It's a beautiful day again, and I hope the evening will be balmy, but I can bring my A's blanket to be sure.  I'm looking forward to seeing the new movie about Jackie Robinson.  It got good reviews today.  Malick's film got a bad review in one paper and a good one in the other.  I'll probably see it, but I'm not too excited.  It sounds like it is not as good as "Tree of Life".  I also want to see "Disconnect" based on two great reviews.  But probably I won't tackle any of them until next week.

I finished "Life after Life" and it was so great it knocked the breath out of me.  I was stunned afterward.  It is a great book:  passionate, luscious details and description, characters you care about and a profoundity about this thing we call life.  It becomes a spiritual experience.  I can't recommend it enough.

We saw a DVD last night that was early Daniel Day-Lewis:  "How Many Miles to Babylon".  It was a lovely film.  It was great to see Day-Lewis in his beautiful youth.  It is part of a DVD set of three of his BBC films.  I hope the other two are as good.  Well, I'm done with my reviewing for the day. 

Old Age Day by Day April 11, 2013

My younger son and I went to hear Joyce Carol Oates read from her new book, "The Accursed".  She was quite wonderful.  She's 74, but looks much younger, due to her thinness and beautiful skin.  She was generous as always.  I've seen her before and also done a writing workshop with her twenty years ago.  We both went up to have our books signed after, and I told her I thought she was the American Dickens.  She was pleased.  She asked my son what he did for a living, and he said he moved around art.  It was great she was curious about him.  We felt very happy we'd gone to see her.

This morning I went to the eye doctor, a person I like a lot.  The eyes looked good.  I then picked out new glasses, as my prescription has changed twice without me getting glasses.  I got big red sunglasses and small inconspicuous regular glasses in a thin silver metal frame.  The reverse of what I have now:  turquoise out there glasses and modest green sunglasses.  Glasses are exciting, especially when you have to wear them all the time as I do.  Now I'm set for my daughter's wedding in June. 

Old Age Day by Day April 10, 2013

This is my friend's birthday.  And what a perfectly lovely day for her.  It's warm, sunny and the trees have new green leaves.  It's grand to think of people we love in the world with us, blessing our lives.

I'm reading a great new book by Kate Atkinson, a Scottish novelist.  It's "Life after Life" and it is scary, but scary strange at first.  The writing is so luscious you drift into the world she creates, then things get a bit weird.  It's kind of a time travel book, but subtly, so you think maybe the heroine is deluded or you are missing something as a reader.  And by the middle of the book you care so much for her and really bad things start to happen to her and your sense of her family and others shifts as well.  I couldn't stop thinking about it last night.  It also has a profound philosophical side to it. 

Yesterday I sewed a few things:  baby blankets, a bedspread for one granddaughter, a puppy blanket for the other, a table runner for my friend and one for myself.  I'm almost done with the stack of fabric by the sewing machine.  Once I get going, I feel wonderful sewing.  But I have to get in the mood.  And be motivated.  The baby was born early and my granddaughter's birthday is this month, so those are motivators.  I sent the gifts off yesterday.  Relief. 

Old Age Day by Day April 9, 2013

I saw a house for sale with our younger son last night.  I hope this is the one.  He's going to make an offer, but the market is crazy here, with multiple offers over asking prices.  It's hard emotionally, because you imagine yourself in the house, what you'd change, how your furniture would fit, who would the neighbors be, then it all dissolves and you're back to square one.  I've never had this problem.  We've only owned four houses, and we made an offer on each which was accepted.  End of story.  Now, with the second house, I wish our offer had been refused, as it would have saved us some grief, but anyhow, I didn't have to do that mental adjusting our son is going through.  Well, we'll see.  There is always another house out there, it's just that it takes tremendous energy to make the bid and wait and see. 

Today's weather is beautiful.  I'm going to call the gardener and find out if he's ever coming over.  He avoided us, rightly so, during the roofing, but now he seems to have disappeared for good.  Oh, dear.  We had a wind storm last weekend and a lot has blown down from the trees.  It's a good time to come.