Old Age Day by Day May 18, 2013

We had a lovely birthday dinner last night, with fabulous food and service.  I'm grateful for the weekend now, and my study group and little trip tomorrow to see my daughter-in-law's chorus concert and spend the night with them.  A baby get-away is just the ticket.  Next week I'll be back persuing the jury thing, calling until I can show up and hopefully be excused.  Talk about bad timing.

I read a short little fiction book yesterday, Julian Barnes "A Sense of an Ending" which was old fashioned in a Henry James way.  Just good story where the emphasis is on psychological twists, and the consciousness and guilt of an extremely ordinary man, who through one unguarded act, harms others beyond his imagining.  It was fun, and won the Man Booker Prize.  Now I'm reading "Yellow Birds" about soldiers in Iraq, which won the Pulitzer Prize. 

Old Age Day by Day May 17, 2013

Yesterday was not one I'd want to repeat anytime soon.  I found out I have to keep calling twice a day until I can get in with another group for jury duty, since I'll be away when I'm supposed to show up.  I missed my therapy appointment by showing up late when I thought I was early.  I had something sharp in my scalp in my hair that my husband had to pull out with tweezers.  I walked with a friend who was having a scan yesterday afternoon for bladder cancer.  She also told me of a mutual friend who is dying and in hospice after suffering a major stroke. 

We watched "Dante's Peak" last night, about a volcano that wipes out a town, and it seemed perfect for my mood.

Today I'm hoping to keep calling and hopefully go in early next week for this jury thing.  What bad timing for me. 

But today we are going out for dinner to celebrate our younger daughter's boyfriend's birthday, and I'm looking forward to that event.  They've been together four years now, and he feels like part of the family.  We've grown to love him, and appreciate his good nature, hard work and intelligence.  He makes our daughter happy.  What more could you ask?

Old Age Day by Day May 16, 2013

I received a Jury Summons yesterday for the week we'll be away for the wedding.  I've already postponed once so who knows what will happen.  I'm going to try to change it today.  One month until the wedding, which means a lot to do and people to see and not much impulse to do my civic duty, when I'm supposed to be in another state.

I finished my economics book and am now reading one about how the universe was created out of nothing.  This is not normally a topic of interest for me, but I am curious about the various arguments about this.  I think the world beyond us is also beyond time concepts and especially beyond "Whys".  It just is.  We are owed no explanation, and our job is not to waste time analyzing our situation, but living our brief lives with awareness and gratitude.  Perhaps this book will change my mind.

Old Age Day by Day May 15, 2013

I'm still reading my economics book and finding it so very interesting.  It's not surprising that our first "thinking", intuitive as it is, hardly makes for rational choices, and is so complex and feels so right that our "slow" thinking feels like too much effort.  Our minds are very emotional, and filled with prejudices and old history and delusions we have perpetuated over the years.  Also, the media and much of our culture encourages fast, decisive choices and the look of confidence over substantive, carefully considered information.  Many of us like "The Decider" over the thoughtful person.  He or she is more exciting.

I just love all this brain research, and it seems to reveal a fundamental Buddhist truth:  it takes time and great effort to get past the smoke screen of delusion and propaganda with which we are bombarded.  Seeing cause and effect is crucial.  Not being pressured into an action until we've had a chance to acknowledge our patterns and preconceptions is so important.  We live in a speedy culture which prizes instant tweets and snappy, sitcom comebacks.  Thinking things over and getting back to people later is considered wimpy.  No wonder even our highest leaders trivialize big, complex issues.

"Thinking, Fast and Slow" is a revolutionary book.   If you are thinking of investing or just living more intelligently on this planet, it's a great read.

Old Age Day by Day May 14, 2013

Another beautiful day, and I aim to take advantage of it.  Yesterday I had a nice walk to the post office, where the clerk is friendly and helpful.  I've never seen him unflappable.  In the afternoon I had my teeth cleaned, which is not my favorite activity, but they were also friendly.  What a concept, after the last dentist, who seemed to find his work frustrating and his patients an inconvenience. 

I'm still reading my economics book, and it continues to be fascinating.  I'm learning a huge amount about how we think and make decisions.  And there is so much research, who knew? 

Last night we watched The Boys from Brazil, which holds up beautifully after all these years.  Laurence Olivier, Gregory Peck, James Mason, Bruno Ganz and a host of character actors do a great job.  It's still scary, and still plausible.  The music is excellent, and the cinemotography creative.  My husband had a dream about it after, but I blithely dreamed of a Buddhist retreat with my teacher, and serving yogurt to everyone there.  It was kind of like the loaves and fishes from the New Testament, because one cherry yogurt and one and a half pints of plain managed to feed the whole table.  Make of that what you will.

Old Age Day by Day May 13m 2013

Well, despite all my efforts to screw up Mother's Day, I had a great day.  I began by going to meditation and Anam Thubten's dharma talk.  He was focusing on the preciousness of life.  Lovely.  Then I got home and some of the kids came, we made sandwiches and ate then took the dogs on a walk in the hills.  It was hot for our dogs, but they were very happy to be out and our female dog talked to everyone we crossed paths with.  Then we came home, our older son and daughter-in-law arrived, as did my good friend, and it was warm enough to sit outside and have beers and chips and then the kids barbequed an amazing salmon, with quinoa and salad Nicoise, and we had fruit salad and lemon cheesecake my friend had brought.  I never had to put on a sweater and it was so relaxing.  After everyone else had left, our younger son and my husband and I sat in the kitchen and talked some more.  It was perfect.

At the very end of the day I called my best friend, and checked on her day and we promised to talk more later.  Then I went to bed, a happy mom.

Old Age Day by Day May 11, 2013

Today we're going to be gardeners again and sweep up a bit.  It will be good for us.  The weather is perfect so that means incentive to be outside.  I've never been comfortable with people doing my work, so I've never had a housekeeper or window cleaner or gardener until moving here.  I can go back to taking care of these things at least.  I know I need an electrician and plumber and all the big stuff. 

I had fun yesterday shopping with my friends.  And as I told them, discovering looking was more than enough.  I didn't really want anything.  I ended up buying a little sundress for my granddaughter, a pair of turquoise flats to match a dress, and two tubes of hand cream.  But I didn't feel drawn to even the stuff that was high end and quality made.  Who needs it?  I love seeing the colors and textures and arrangement of things.  But they are things.  The best part of yesterday was being with friends and getting a lot of exercise walking.