Old Age Day by Day June 27, 2013

I'm reading "The Swerve", by Goldblatt, and it's fascinating so far.  It's about a book discovered in the Middle Ages by the Roman poet Lucretius, "On the Nature of Things".  It was deeply influential in the time it was written, then lost for centuries until found in a monastery.  I've already learned a great deal about parchments and papers used, what vellum means, and other details of books.  I seem to remember doing a report in World History in high school on Lucretius.  We'll see if this is the same person.  The book is pretty fascinating, and very palatable history.

Today is warm, summery and a good day for using our new leaf blower.  Yes, we are going to sweep up our front walk, and all the leaves which have rained down upon it.  My husband is really getting into gardening, and I myself love weeding these days.  I think the gardener's defection is going to prove healthful and rewarding for us.  I also want to get up to the cabin though.  I'm torn.  The best month of the cabin - July - is around the corner.  I hope we go next week.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to seeing friends, a baseball game and celebrating our younger son's birthday.

Old Age Day by Day June 26m 2013

The crown work in my mouth really has caused soreness.  I always forget how uncomfortable I am for a while after.  I took tylenol all yesterday and may have to today.  I'm taking my granddaughter out to a movie and lunch, and I don't want to be distracted.  I am grateful I'm with a dentist now who knows her stuff and is clearly professional, competent and compassionate.  But still...I hate doing this in the summertime,when I want to be up at the cabin.  It's beautiful today after the rain and warm.  It's a good day to be out and about. 

I look forward to the rest of the week, and a baseball game on Sunday.  My team is doing great, and won 7-3 last night.  Mighty gratifying.

Old Age Day by Day June 25, 2013

We watched a Steven Seagal film last night that I'd gotten for $5.  I have a weakness for the guy, though he can't act and his films are violent and unredeeming.  He always plays someone, in this case a Navy Seal, who kills all the bad guys, pretty much by himself.  He doesn't mess around with romance, though there is always a pretty girl to look at, and he doesn't try to avoid wounding or killing, in fact, he dispatches with no pause whatsoever.  His martial arts skills are amazing, and his hands are super fast.  I think I like the films because they don't pretend to be anything more than they are:  fantasies about a world of good guys and bad guys with no gray area, where the enemies are so bad, their plots so heinous, that it's just logical to get rid of them.  Nothing in real life is like this, therefore it's an escape.  Real life is so complex and blurry that it's hard to know what action to take and how and when.  Seeing his movies give you a break from thinking.  And it doesn't harm your body like alcohol or drugs. 

I had a great phone conversation yesterday with a friend.  And it was complex and interesting, about challenging human relationships.  I guess I was done for the day after that, hence the Seagal movie.  My brain can only take so much these days.

Old Age Day by Day June 24m 2013

I had a nice interaction with the technician who was doing my mammogram.  We discussed cell phones and liking to speak to a person, not text.  We are of the same generation.  She's a virgo, I'm a virgo.  I love serendipity, and these chance encounters, where you connect for a brief time, but you somehow KNOW each other in those few moments. 

I'm reading a terrific book, The Examined Life, by Dr. Grosz.  He's a psychaitrist, and it's a small book with vinettes about patients he's had over the years.  Very wise, gentle, and profound.  I know, I'm finding everything profound these days.  What can I say?  I'm in profound mode.

This so-called rain is fizzling out.  More like a very light drizzle.  My yard needs real rain.  We'll see if something more profound develops this afternoon.

Old Age Day by Day June 23, 2013

The dharma talk today resonated with me profoundly.  Anam Thubten said the dharma was the journey of living this life on earth.  Not transcending our human existence, but living it as beings of 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows.  Transcendence is not escape our fate as humans, but embracing it, by transcending our egos and seeing that there is no there there.  We are divided by our egos, united by our common essence.  Ordinary life, with it's ups and downs is the blessing, the path.  I love that message, and believe it as the core truth for me. 

I then had lunch with my friend, and we enjoyed catching up and witnessing each other's intentions and challenges.  We were both in a mood to be proud of our behavior.  I felt good about my trip and she felt the same about hers. 

It's a drizzly day, with real rain predicted for tomorrow.  I hope so, as we could use it.  For tonight, I'll be happy reading or watching a movie.  Tomorrow morning I have a mammogram and Tuesday 2 1/2 hours in the dentist office for a crown.  Ugh!

Old Age Day by Day June 22, 2013

Two days ago both newspapers had an article on the fact that world wide one in three women will be physically or sexually abused or both.  I can't get it out of my head.  I am going to do something about this, again.  I'm going to write letters to the editors, and think of other actions to take.  All the years I worked in safehouses, I thought the situation was getting better, but it really hasn't.  Yes, police are more informed and proactive, as well as DA offices, and more people are prosecuted, but not enough to be any kind of deterrent.  Girls live in fear.  Women live in fear.  It's the elephant in the room, and no one speaks of it.  Our granddaughters are growing up with the same implicit threat that we faced.  It's not acceptable.  Women's rights ought to be the top priority in all the world.  They are the mothers of us all, and their behavior is modified and altered by fear.  I was a victim, and despite all my efforts in therapy and elsewhere, I cannot honestly say I have overcome the fear.  Because it's so much bigger than the person who abused me.  I don't take risks.  I don't walk out alone at night, ever.  And this country is one of the most liberal, but it is one of the most violent, and often the guns and knives and physical power of men are weapons against us.  It has to stop.  What could we be if we were truly free of this threat hanging over our heads?  We would speak up more, we would teach our children to speak up.  What if we felt safe?  How would that world look?  I'd like to know.

Old Age Day by Day June 21m 2013

I'm feeling less tired and more organized today.  I spoke to my granddaughter on the phone and am dropping by her gifts after my haircut.  She's one booked up little girl, but then, they all are.  I hope to take her to a movie next week.  I'd like to see a movie today, and that may happen.  It's funny, it feels like I need a transition period.  I had a busy, busy life for three weeks.  Now it is slow paced and to do things with other people I have to organize something.  I'm a bit discombobulated. 

My younger son called last night and asked if I'd listened to the CD that was the wedding favor.  He said "Book of Love" was one of the songs my daughter and her now husband sing on it.  I sang it to them at the rehearsal dinner, not knowing they'd already recorded it.  Synchronicity!  There are ways we are in tune with each other that are mysterious.

I'm reading the new Craig Johnson book, and it is funny and delightful.  It's like slipping on a favorite pair of shoes at this point.  My husband is reading older books.  He's hooked as well.  And we just finished seeing the first season of "Longmire".  It hasn't the humor of the books, but is still good about the mysteries.  I will be sorry when this book ends.  I like my time in Wyoming, via a book.  Armchair travel, as they say.