I've had a walk with a friend this morning. It rained lightly part of last night, which was a huge surprise. The plants needed it. The overcast thing is dreary, though. I'll be grateful to get up to the cabin maybe next week or for sure the week after.
I'm reading a pretty funny book about a writer's agent who has a mysterious guy sabotaging the agency. It's a good insider's look at publishing, and the characters are delightful. Good escape fiction. I actually think I'm developing some compassion for literary agents. Or it may be the lingering effects of the flu.
My husband is deeply engrossed in Dan Brown's new book. It is a fun read, and with the setting in Florence, what's not to like? I have persuaded him to read some mysteries, and he especially loves Craig Johnson's, set in Wyoming and very funny and well plotted. I've been waiting for Louise Penny's new book to arrive, as I love her mysteries, set in Quebec. Canadian writers rule. Alice Munro is the best short story writer on the planet, and I've always adored Margaret Atwood. Maybe I'll discover some new writers during our week in Vancouver.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Old Age Day by Day August 6, 2013
I went with my friend last night to laughter yoga, and it was fun. There were about ten people, and it was on the grass by the lake, and it worked out to be healthful and relaxing. Then we went to a tavern and had a beer and burger. I was uncomfortable sleeping, because I'm not used to eating that late and I need a few hours to digest, but it was worth it catching up with my friend, whose daughter was married last month. It was nice to be out at night, the second night in a row. At our age, we have to be super careful about where we go and what we do.
Today I'm picking up another friend after her biopsies. I hope this time her pain is mitigated and she is much more comfortable.
I ate a bunch of lychees for breakfast. I love them. I never remember when the season is, then I go to the store one day and there they are, the little rosy, bumpy skinned fruits, with the juicy white flesh inside and the slippery black seed. I buy them canned the rest of the year. What a treat!
Today I'm picking up another friend after her biopsies. I hope this time her pain is mitigated and she is much more comfortable.
I ate a bunch of lychees for breakfast. I love them. I never remember when the season is, then I go to the store one day and there they are, the little rosy, bumpy skinned fruits, with the juicy white flesh inside and the slippery black seed. I buy them canned the rest of the year. What a treat!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Old Age Day by Day August 5, 2013
Today is the date our lab before the two we have now was born. We always used to celebrate his birthday up at the cabin. His ashes are up there.
It's also the date my best friend in my twenties killed herself. She left two little kids and a hole in my heart. I knew she was thinking of it and begged her husband to get her help, but he didn't like psychiatrists because his brother was one, and he thought it was all a bunch of nonsense and melodrama. She shot herself with her brother's gun and her kids ran in the room and found her. I was not told about it until she was buried. She's in Salt Lake City, but I don't know where. I still talk to her sometimes when I'm in the car alone. I wrote an entire book about it. You don't get over trauma like that. I never forget the date, though it's been 37 years. I miss her still.
It's also the date my best friend in my twenties killed herself. She left two little kids and a hole in my heart. I knew she was thinking of it and begged her husband to get her help, but he didn't like psychiatrists because his brother was one, and he thought it was all a bunch of nonsense and melodrama. She shot herself with her brother's gun and her kids ran in the room and found her. I was not told about it until she was buried. She's in Salt Lake City, but I don't know where. I still talk to her sometimes when I'm in the car alone. I wrote an entire book about it. You don't get over trauma like that. I never forget the date, though it's been 37 years. I miss her still.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Old Age Day by Day August 4, 2013
My baseball team played a very satisfying game yesterday, and it was televised, so I saw the last part of it. They bunted to perfection, and rattled the other pitcher. It was fun to watch. I'm getting a bit sick of being an invalid, but still have the cough and am not over this sucker yet. I'd like to DO something.
I finished a very strange cowboy kind of mystery last night. Not my usual cup of tea, but I got gripped by the plot. It reminded me of old Stephen King like "The Shining". Good versus evil, with good killing a whole lot of bad, which kind of confuses the issue. But it does get you thinking: are there people who are evil, and if there are, is it environment, genetics or an aberation of nature? I don't much believe in black and white, except for acts people perpetrate. People themselves I like to think of us temporarily insane, or so abused they are caught in a cycle, but redeemable, ultimately. But maybe some few people are born without all the components of humanity. Reading the newspapers catches me up sometimes in this line of thinking.
I'd like to go to meditation this morning but it's too unwise, with the cough and the need to blow my nose occasionally. I can listen online, and save innocent people possible exposure. But I miss being there and the energy of the place.
I finished a very strange cowboy kind of mystery last night. Not my usual cup of tea, but I got gripped by the plot. It reminded me of old Stephen King like "The Shining". Good versus evil, with good killing a whole lot of bad, which kind of confuses the issue. But it does get you thinking: are there people who are evil, and if there are, is it environment, genetics or an aberation of nature? I don't much believe in black and white, except for acts people perpetrate. People themselves I like to think of us temporarily insane, or so abused they are caught in a cycle, but redeemable, ultimately. But maybe some few people are born without all the components of humanity. Reading the newspapers catches me up sometimes in this line of thinking.
I'd like to go to meditation this morning but it's too unwise, with the cough and the need to blow my nose occasionally. I can listen online, and save innocent people possible exposure. But I miss being there and the energy of the place.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Old Age Day by Day July 3, 2013
Another gloomy morning, and the paper says it will continue all next week. It's hard to start the morning without a little sunshine. But I've had my fruit shake, V-8 and tea, and I'm ready to vacuum or do something useful. I'm not 100% yet, but I think I ought to move a bit more, or I'll just turn into a slug.
I had a good long talk with my friend last night. We're both a bit under the weather, and it helps to have a buddy to complain to. Two of my other friends have birthdays next week, and I've got to get out enough to find cards and gifts. Many of my friends are in the same quadrant of the year as myself, so it's kind of strange. We're all shifting around the same time to a new reality of a year older. I generally feel two things: amazed I have made it this long and grateful and celebratory. My husband feels low around his birthday. But this year he has planned a trip for us and that is a lovely change. He may even be coming around to the gratitude thing, or at least making the best of getting older. His elderly grandparents certainly took him on fabulous trips at our age, so he knows that you can still have fun and see new places. In fact, on our trip we are going to a city he saw first with them, when they were our age. Now he's showing it to me. I think that's a reason for gratitude.
I had a good long talk with my friend last night. We're both a bit under the weather, and it helps to have a buddy to complain to. Two of my other friends have birthdays next week, and I've got to get out enough to find cards and gifts. Many of my friends are in the same quadrant of the year as myself, so it's kind of strange. We're all shifting around the same time to a new reality of a year older. I generally feel two things: amazed I have made it this long and grateful and celebratory. My husband feels low around his birthday. But this year he has planned a trip for us and that is a lovely change. He may even be coming around to the gratitude thing, or at least making the best of getting older. His elderly grandparents certainly took him on fabulous trips at our age, so he knows that you can still have fun and see new places. In fact, on our trip we are going to a city he saw first with them, when they were our age. Now he's showing it to me. I think that's a reason for gratitude.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Old Age Day by Day August 2, 2013
I slept much better last night and think I'm on the mend, and probably no longer contagious. It's just a question of taking care of myself so I don't relapse. This is, of course, self diagnosis, but it's cheap. I really got a flu kind of thing, because it swept through me like a wildfire. And now I promise not to discuss it further.
Last night, my husband and I watched the 70's movie Klute. Jane Fonda really is brilliant in it, though she's not a favorite of mine. She deserved the Oscar she received. Her vulnerability and self destructiveness are palpable. Ironically, in real life she continued to look to others to save her, especially men. Now she's beyond that, but it took a lot of sublimating her true self to some man's desire to reach a point of standing on her own. I don't like her second Oscar, for Coming Home, because she condescended in her acting to the character she portrays. Her politics are emeshed in that acting. But the first one, for Klute, I acknowledge.
The 70's were ridiculous, and the party scenes in Klute are funny from this perspective, but pathetic. That self abuse and neglect were considered cool, and still are, seems sad. I was never a part of such a world, as I had too much common sense, and people who did this looked like losers to me, and stupid as well. I'm lucky I was loved enough and valued myself enough to be able to say no. Most importantly, I had children, and I considered them first, not that I didn't see others with kids being "free". I assume they have a lot of regrets now.
Last night, my husband and I watched the 70's movie Klute. Jane Fonda really is brilliant in it, though she's not a favorite of mine. She deserved the Oscar she received. Her vulnerability and self destructiveness are palpable. Ironically, in real life she continued to look to others to save her, especially men. Now she's beyond that, but it took a lot of sublimating her true self to some man's desire to reach a point of standing on her own. I don't like her second Oscar, for Coming Home, because she condescended in her acting to the character she portrays. Her politics are emeshed in that acting. But the first one, for Klute, I acknowledge.
The 70's were ridiculous, and the party scenes in Klute are funny from this perspective, but pathetic. That self abuse and neglect were considered cool, and still are, seems sad. I was never a part of such a world, as I had too much common sense, and people who did this looked like losers to me, and stupid as well. I'm lucky I was loved enough and valued myself enough to be able to say no. Most importantly, I had children, and I considered them first, not that I didn't see others with kids being "free". I assume they have a lot of regrets now.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Old Age Day by Day August 1, 2013
It's August, already! Wasn't I going to do all kinds of exciting things this summer? Wasn't it supposed to BE summer this summer? Instead, the fog and overcast in the morning, socks and jacket required. If I was at the cabin, it would be summer, but I've got this flu, as if it's midwinter. I am feeling better, thanks to my trusty drops, which my husband says are from geranium plants. If I'd known that, I would have just eaten some on my patio. I have friends who have fun ideas, but I'm not sure I'm well enough. Maybe next week. My zombie state will have to continue a while longer.
My friend brought her little dog home from the vet hospital yesterday. It is to be seen if he will ever use his hind legs again, and he's so young. I'm praying the surgery ultimately has relieved his spine enough that he can heal and walk again. He's such a lively little fellow.
I was reading in the paper about an accident in Mount Lassen Park up north. A wall fell on two children and killed one of them. The rangers knew it was unstable, but had not put a warning out. What a horror for the boy's family, and how easily preventable. Yet we know the parks are underfunded and understaffed, and everywhere are places that should be fixed or closed but aren't. Where our cabin is are so many dangers and so little staff that it's a miracle more people aren't killed. They assume they're in Disneyland, but they are in a space funded or not by them, and the numbers of people are overwhelming, each of them demanding more than ten times the rangers could possibly handle. The rangers contract out to a corporation to get most of the functioning done, and it's amazing they do as well as they do. My heart breaks for the little boy and his family, trusting nature, the park service, and feeling they are protected, until the moment they realize there are holes in the walls, chinks in the armor, no invisible hands waiting to save innocents. I think parks should be closed if they are not kept up. And that would perhaps put pressure to fund and staff these wilderness places adequately to keep such tragedies from occurring.
My friend brought her little dog home from the vet hospital yesterday. It is to be seen if he will ever use his hind legs again, and he's so young. I'm praying the surgery ultimately has relieved his spine enough that he can heal and walk again. He's such a lively little fellow.
I was reading in the paper about an accident in Mount Lassen Park up north. A wall fell on two children and killed one of them. The rangers knew it was unstable, but had not put a warning out. What a horror for the boy's family, and how easily preventable. Yet we know the parks are underfunded and understaffed, and everywhere are places that should be fixed or closed but aren't. Where our cabin is are so many dangers and so little staff that it's a miracle more people aren't killed. They assume they're in Disneyland, but they are in a space funded or not by them, and the numbers of people are overwhelming, each of them demanding more than ten times the rangers could possibly handle. The rangers contract out to a corporation to get most of the functioning done, and it's amazing they do as well as they do. My heart breaks for the little boy and his family, trusting nature, the park service, and feeling they are protected, until the moment they realize there are holes in the walls, chinks in the armor, no invisible hands waiting to save innocents. I think parks should be closed if they are not kept up. And that would perhaps put pressure to fund and staff these wilderness places adequately to keep such tragedies from occurring.
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