Old Age Day by Day October 31, 2010

Halloween. I went to a couple of stores at eleven am today and everyone on the street was in costume - adults and kids. It is a delightful holiday. Except for the teeth. As usual, I bought candy I detest, and no chocolate. Even though I don't have sugar, candy in the house would be torture, if it was anything I remotely liked. So I have lollipops, starbursts, boxed weird candies, and licorice. Those won't haunt my dreams at night causing sleepwalking to the kitchen.

I can have 70% cacao chocolate, and I always keep a supply of that on hand for emergency cravings. Popcorn helps, too, but the dental hygenist found a popcorn piece in my mouth Friday (busted!), so I've sworn off it, at least for a few days. I don't want any broken crowns or worse.

Darn. There's just no more fun in eating. Yeah, I love fruit, but does that remotely compare to a Peppermint Patty? I don't think so. Anyway, for those of you with permission to rot your teeth, eat one for the big guy (me).

Old Age Day by Day October 30, 2010

Yesterday was unbelievably gloomy, and today started out better but is glooming up again. A good day to stay inside and read a mystery. Our female dog has a tube around her neck so she won't eat her butt, and she's as deary as the weather. She has that look that says: I can't believe you listened to that dumb vet and are torturing me this way. Of course, since she's completely untrustable, and we needed badly to sleep last night, torture it is. She sure has a stare that can make you feel like going to confession, even if you're not Catholic.

I'm lucky a friend just called and invited us to soup this evening, and she and I are going to a reading after, so I have something to look forward to, and friends to see. I think everyone has the same impulse in the face of such weather - huddle with friends, watch the World Series, eat fat foods. It's hibernation time, at least for the weekend.

Old Age Day by Day October 29, 2010

When I was hiking with my friend on the first day we were away, I noticed my boots were sticky. They had been sticky in the room, but I wasn't too concerned, but as we walked down a dirt road looking at cows and whit elk, it seemed there were a lot of pebbles wedged in in the grid of my soles. When I stopped and lifted my boot to look, and attempted to pry some debris out, the sole came off in chunks. By the time we'd returned to the room, one sole was gone, with just the black part between my sock and the ground, and the other sole was lumpy and peeling. I carefully took them off outside and sat down on the bed to figure out what to do. I couldn't walk ten miles the next day in my Danskos, They haven't the ankle support and the heel can make me wobbly. I put the problem out of my mind and enjoyed the evening, and the next morning, a beautiful morning it was, I said to my friend I was going to buy some boots, so our plan wasn't derailed, if there was any shoe store close. I asked the desk person, and sure enough, five miles away there was a general store that carried some shoes. After breakfast we drove over, I picked two styles, they were out of my size in the first and I bought the second, changed into them in the store, and walked out with the problem solved.

The boots worked great on the hike, which was glorious, and without wasting more than fifteen minutes I have new boots, and the price wasn't even unreasonable. What I'm proud of is not letting the boots upset or spoil my mini-vacation. And not soldiering through with the wrong shoes and my feet hurting. And not giving up on the walk we were looking forward to. And not thinking about it all night. And not feeling sorry for myself or generalizing. Just looking at life's little surprise and rolling with the punches.

This sounds trivial, I know, but for me, it signals a new calmness and fluidity I've worked hard to experience. Hopefully, eventually it will be a skill I can use for the big surprises as well.

Old Age Day by Day October 28, 2010

I had a terrific time away overnight with my friend, and we had a glorious long hike yesterday, even sharing our snack above the ocean with a land gull she named Hugo and I named Alphonso. Then last night I got a cold, probably from my foster granddaughter or daughter, both of whom have been around me with colds. So I'm canceling commitments and trying to head the cold off at the pass. One of our dogs has ear infections and has eaten her butt and is suffering with the cone around her neck. I feel so guilty I can hardly stand it. I may have to take off the cone soon. She just lies there looking disgusted.

So reentry into the everyday world was swift and chaotic, with my husband's back and leg worse and me under the weather. But I have the memories of a great get-away and nothing is dire, just annoying. I watched baseball last night, and that was fun and distracting from any sore throat or runny nose. Today I will make some calls and hope that rest and lots of tea and soup will fix me up. I'll baby myself, as only I know how to do.

Old Age Day by Day October 26, 2010

Last night, in Spanish class, we read "stories" and had more realistic conversations. I hadn't realized we had reached that point, but it is thrilling. Next week, I will be in the INTERMEDIATE class. Wow. Without a struggle I have learned some Spanish. I will not be reading Marquez any time soon, but I can converse on a few subjects. It helps that the teacher is funny and teaches us songs and is unfailingly upbeat and supportive. He never makes us feel stupid. And because he is originally from Mexico we are absorbing quite a bit of Chicano culture. I like that. I was born on the border between U.S. and Mexico, and I have an affinity, you might say, for all things Mexican.

Who knows, next year I may learn Italian, and after that, Irish.

Old Age Day by Day October 25, 2010

Yesterday was a high vegetation day. It was pouring rain, and though we did manage to go to an art museum, otherwise we were reading, watching a very terrible movie or just plain stumbling around in zombie like fashion. Day of the living dead. Now, today, it is sunny and beautiful, and the earth looks half drowned but in a satisfied way. Leaves are strewn everywhere, and I had to watch my step as I walked the dogs, not to slip on wet leaves. This rain makes it official - fall is here and there is no turning back. Yes, we will have some pretty days, but my sandals are put away, a sweater is a must in the morning, and the jackets are out.

My thoughts are turning to Halloween, Thanksgiving, and the whirlwind that is fall (this includes many birthdays as well). November 10 is the anniversary of my mother's death, and fall was a season in which she excelled. She could sew costumes, make pumpkin cookies with icing, roast a turkey with heavenly stuffing, set a table, make little snack thingies, sew decorative stockings, trim a tree and bring out the perfect pecan pie with whipped cream. She was animated around the holidays, had high expectations, was often disappointed, and then drank too much and listened to Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Her own childhood had been horribly deprived, and she was attempting to make it up to herself, and never quite satisfied. She'd get so excited over the presents under the tree she'd try to open a corner and peek. She was childlike about the holidays, but that wasn't comfortable for me when I was a child. Now my heart goes out to her. One Christmas we went to Hawaii - a huge treat - and she made ornaments out of seashells. I still have some, and when I unwrap them I think of her tenderly, and all that effort to change her story from one of tragedy to one of triumph. I hope she felt she succeeded, but I'm afraid a lot of the time she felt stuck in a place of not being loved enough and being recognized. She was in the middle of 13 children. It's tough to get beyond that sense of being lost in the shuffle of kids and work and struggle. I never understood her until she was gone - she died when I as forty - and I'd like to have said how much I admired her and understood what she made of her life. But I didn't get to. She awoke on a Sunday morning, went in the kitchen and told my father she felt like she was going to up-chuck, leaned over the sink, had a heart attack and was dead in a minute. She died in her kitchen, taking care not to mess up the floor.

Old Age Day by Day October 24, 2010

It is our first heavy rain day of the season. A real soaker, as they say. Last night was the perfect time for a pennant race game, and our younger daughter, her boyfriend and a friend of theirs came over, we watched, we cheered, we ate crackers and cheese and drank beer, we bit our nails, we reminded ourselves it was just a game, that did no good whatsoever, and the luck was with us and the pennant cinched. It was gratifying. We were exhausted, as if we'd been running around the bases instead of sitting like lumps.

So today, we could sit in the kitchen and read the sports page with something akin to ecstasy. I read the same basic facts in two papers. Double your pleasure, double your fun. And part of it is definitely the groupness of the whole thing. Everyone here is happy at the same time about the same thing. I we ALL want to escape the dreadful campaigning and candidates and outrageous spending and lack of decent choices. We normally complain about how much baseball players make. But it's small potatoes next to what candidates spend. And since the Supremes have decided we can let billions go down the toilet in the name of free enterprise or democracy or the right to torture innocent voters with embarrassing images and infantile tactics, there is no stopping this train until it reaches the station.


Don't mind me if I tune out. Otherwise, the shame of what our elections have become would just wipe me out.