Old Age Day by Day December 27, 2010

I was at the dentist promptly at 8 am today to get my crown. It's amazing how thrilling it can be to be able to chew on both sides of my mouth again. It's the little things that count. I'm very excited about my friend coming to visit. Lots of ideas for baby trips are whirling around in my head, and there are kids to see and food to eat and movies we could watch. But the best, of course, is just the talking, checking out our lives with each other. Now we do that once a week by phone, but it's never quite as good, especially with this annoying call waiting which always beeps when I'm on the line, and half the time I pick it up and the other half I don't, but it's phonus interruptus either way.

I know which bed she likes to sleep in, what she wants for breakfast, her favorite wine, what she likes to see. I feel her feelings before she expresses them, and we have the ability to get pissed off at each other and square it almost instantly. We genuinely admire each others children and granddaughters, and love to hear more about them. How many people can you say that about?

So it's a good week for me. I know that already. A great way to start off the new year. And we won't do anything big, just be together, which is, the rarest and biggest deal of all.

Old Age Day by Day December 26, 2010

Christmas is past, in a whirlwind, a delightful one, and though the decorations are still up, I feel the pull of longer days, spring bulbs, new buds on trees and the new year. As much as I love Christmas, it's really a bit much for me to handle. I get overwhelmed, breathe, then think of another person I could call, a project to finish as a last minute gift, an urgent need to buy more eggnog or wonder if we have enough fruit. Now the holiday has landed, and the guests departed and only the photos to document the events.

I think I will enjoy my sewing projects more now that none of them were completed in time. I can work on them at my leisure, and give them for birthdays or just no reason. I like that better. I like the process more also. So the little felt birds which need their sides stitched and their button eyes sewn will fly from the nest, just not as soon as anticipated.

I will listen to my Spanish songs CDs, and read my new books, and pamper my skin with my new beauty products and admire my gifts, now in their appropriate places, and think of the fullness of my life, with generous friends and family so abundant.

Old Age Day by Day December 24, 2010

I've already made cauliflower soup and am about to tackle popovers, before I put the pot roast in the oven. It's another beautiful day, and I look forward to friends and family being here this evening. This has been a relatively easeful build up to the holiday. I take the stresses more calmly, and gratitude is ever present now. I won't always be here in this world and be doing this, and it feels good to have been so blessed in my life and so lucky. I have good friends, healthy and delightful family and good enough health at this moment in time, and I want to take time to feel it fully and appreciate my life.

And when a friend sends a silly UTube of animals singing Deck the Halls, well, it's icing on the cake. I'm going through changes and aging, but I'm not doing it alone. My husband sang Some Enchanted Evening to me as I was stirring soup this morning, and it doesn't get any better than that. Fun, laughter, and food. May all of you get a generous helping of each.

Old Age Day by Day December 23, 2010

It's a gorgeous sunny day today, and I'm hoping to make the most of it. But I have a lingering sadness because of the horses and ponies in Ireland. I had seen an article in the online New York Times, and today it was in the local paper as well. With the economic downturn in Ireland, people are abandoning their horses and letting them out to roam and starve and die. Every time I think about the poor creatures I feel so sad. They have done nothing but love their owners, and now they are sick and dying.

I'm going to try to find out how to help them. There must be a group that is aiding them, as there was one picture of people carrying a minature horse in a blanket to get medical help. I'm worried in general about Ireland, and in particular my relatives there around Dublin and Cork, and now, somehow, all that grief is being channeled for me into these horses. Bankers and brokers play games of risk, and sentient beings pay the price. It is cruel and unfair and unjust. We suffer for the addictions and compulsions of people without moral conscience.

I hope Obama can get some real reforms to rein in these wild animals, so that the innocent animals of the world will not die in the name of capitalism/gambling. I think we should all write a letter to him. And then find an organization which will aid these horses before it's too late.

Old Age Day by Day December 22, 2010

I had a lovely day yesterday. I had brunch at my friend's house, just the two of us, and though we didn't intend it, we talked about the past year and changes in our lives and practices. It put a gentle perspective and overview of what is so subtle that I often forget to notice. We thought our relationships had eased in a good way, we saw our efforts bearing fruit. And we gifted each other with a special book. As well as being Buddhist swim buddies, we are reading buddies, and art buddies.

Then, in the afternoon my younger daughter and I saw "The King's Speech", which was equally gentle and touching, with complex human beings on view , and without judgment. We saw a movie worth seeing, for a change, and felt elevated afterward.

Well, to continue the gentle theme, my husband and I watched "Miracle on 34th Street", just to get in the holiday mood, and the kindliness of Edmund Gwenn, as Santa, was worth watching and emulating. He could see beyond what people said straight into their hearts. I believe in that kind of wisdom, and I know a few people who practice it.

So, all in all, a good day, and today the sun is out after a night of rain, and I'm lucky I can feel the positive effects of the season.

Old Age Day by Day December 21, 2010

Yesterday I had a chauffeur! My husband offered to drive me around to do my errands, and I accepted. I went to the bank, to the post office to buy stamps, to drop off presents at various houses, to buy blank CDs and DVDs, and he patiently waited in the car each time. It wasn't necessary, which made it a luxury. Today I'm meeting with a dear friend for brunch and then going to a movie with my daughter. I love this part of the holidays - the visiting and doing things with friends and family.

This is the shortest day of the year, which means the days will be getting longer! I hold fast to that idea, and it gives comfort during the overcast and rain. I don't know how light sensitive I am, but it affects me as much as the next person, at the least. I look forward to a time when I don't have the impulse to go to bed at six pm, and to eat fat, and hibernate. Right now, the pies and cakes and baked goods are mighty tempting, and I sublimate with grapes and clementines and too many nuts. I'm sick of my squirrel persona, and am ready for my swimming fish splashing in the sea guise. It can't come a moment too soon, if I'm to continue to fit into my jeans.

Old Age Day by Day December 29, 2010

Tonight is a total eclipse of the moon around midnight. I'm a realist, and know I can't possibly stay up that late, but I'm thinking of going to bed, setting the alarm for two hours later and witnessing it. It will be on the Solstice, which seems full of import.

What I should worry about is the symbolism of the basement flooding yesterday, and the age of our house, and the rain predicted for the rest of this week. Mud, retaining walls, roots entwined in pipelines - these are few of my least favorite things.

But I have an almost unbearable lightness of being - why? - because I've wrapped all the presents! I now know what goes to whom and though I'll forget, I believe I've chosen wisely. Later today, I'll drop them off at my various friends' houses, and my teeny tiny world will be organized once again. Okay, it's never that organized, but there is a comforting illusion of order, despite the fact that we decided not to send a gift to my sister-in-law, and she surprised us by sending a lovely box of fruit, so now, the internet search begins. Every holiday, one person bestows an unexpected gift, and I scramble to reciprocate. Surprise is always waiting to see if I'm on my toes.

For today, I have the luxury of looking through cookbooks for an exotic soup for Christmas eve, and wondering how many popovers I can make, and the time required. Such ruminations are soothing, in an often chaotic season.