Old Age Day by Day June 30, 2012

Then end of June already.  So the days are getting shorter again.  Humm.  I have an outing today with my foster granddaughter, and we may swim or we may go to a museum.  I think the later is wiser, but we'll see what she thinks.  I was remembering last night how much I enjoyed a recent visit to a museum with my friend, and the humongous Richard Serra sculpture outside that we walked through like a maze.  It evoked almost every emotion:  awe, fear, claustrophobia, protection, wanting to touch, endlessness.  It is a very powerful piece of art.  And we also saw an Andy Goldsworthy stone wall outside away from the museum, sunken in the earth like a snake in a dry creekbed.  It seemed like an archeological dig, and as if the spine of a large ancient being was revealed.  Those two pieces have really stuck in my mind since.

The one owes nothing to landscape - it makes it's own.  The other owes everything.  The highly artificial, made of steel, and the highly organic.  Each with a special beauty all it's own.  Conceptually, I prefer Goldsworthy, but the daring and imposition of the Serra is admirable, too.  Luckily, both exist in the world.

Old Age Day by Day June 29, 2012

Today we're going out for dinner to celebrate our younger son's birthday, which is Monday.  As usual, it is a compromise date because everyone is so busy.  But that's okay.  Thank god they are all busy, have many friends, activities and a full life in every sense.  I'm grateful they still want to include us, and I truly feel celebratory every year, that they are alive, well and happy.  It's a blessing I am totally aware of.  The joy of watching their young lives unfold is miraculous.  And I see their strength and resilience, and know they can weather the ups and downs that a long life brings. 

I often stay awake at night worrying about some detail of what might come to be, and in the morning, I see that life throws you for a loop, so that kind of worrying is a waste of time.  You cannot prepare ahead for what life brings, in most cases.  You have to work on your inner core, and then you will hold steady when the storm comes.  I see the strong core of my kids and granddaughters, and know they have what they need to keep passionate about life.  For loving the life we're given and being grateful for that blessing is the core. 

Old Age Day by Day June 28, 2012

I had a terrific three days away with our younger daughter on a road trip down south.  We loved our room, the pool, the restaurant, the beaches, the pelicans, the sea otters, the shopping, and seeing a bunch of tiny museums, like the Hans Christian Anderson museum, two mission museums, two history museums.  I found a wonderful tee shirt and scarf, and two pair of shoes, she found a dress and shoes.  We bought stuff for my husband, granddaughter and our younger son.  We ate exactly what we wanted.  We stopped the car on a whim and saw surprising things.  We changed plans, and were very agreeable with each other.  It was pleasant and relaxing.

Now comes an opera tonight, and celebration of our younger son's birthday, a memorial service for a dear friend, another opera and then a few days before my retreat and cabin week.  This must be July!

My childhood best friend sent me a photo album of her Brownie camera snapshots, and boy did it bring the memories back.  She said I could copy the ones I want, and I'm really grateful to her.  There are pictures of us in full petticoats and cinched waists, my first boyfriend, camp pictures from the music camp we attended.  Looking at myself, is like going down a time tunnel.  It's me, but so remote and untouchable.  What was I really like, I'll never truly know.  But I look happy, and I'm happy now.  That's the connection.

Old Age Day by Day June 23, 2012

I had my Buddhist study group this morning, and we're on our sixth month at least of studying Shantideva's chapter on Patience.  So I'm being patient with being on patience.  As Suzuki Roshi used to say, "It takes as long as it takes".  What sounded boring to me in the beginning, now looks like an amazing skill to learn and practice, and I have also noticed that I am more impatient that I previously thought.  All my experience tells me, "What goes around comes around" and "things have a way of working themselves out", but still, sometimes I feel I'm standing still, that no progress has been made, just endless cycles of reactivity.  But that is not true.  I have an ease in my life that I used to not possess, and waiting is no longer the same thing to me as inactivity.  It is an admission that life is not in my control, that others have different needs and agendas, that over time much heals, and talks are possible down the road that are hopeless at the beginning.  I am now more ready to be surprised and notice the outcome I dreaded or attempted to avoid may in fact be the best outcome for everyone. 

So I'm really actively practicing patience, and waiting for other people to be "ready", when I think I'm already ready.  We're all interdependent, and keeping that in mind, let's just see what happens.  Whatever it is, I'll tackle it when I get there.

Old Age Day by Day June 22, 2012

My foster granddaughter and I had a grand time photographing roses, and she was so enthusiastic, it made the outing a double pleasure.  She teaches me the joy of the ordinary every single minute I'm with her.  And I just now received a called from our granddaughter in another state, and we had a long talk together, which made the rest of my day.

So I guess I'll pick up this film I ordered about a novel of Murakami's, and settle in to relax, before a busy weekend.  By the way, when I was telling my granddaughter I was going to an opera this Sunday, and mentioned it was "The Magic Flute", she said, instantly, "Pappageno".  She is one smart four year old. 

Old Age Day by Day June 21, 2012

My friend and I had a fun day yesterday, seeing Spanish gardens and shops and eating outside in the gardens, seeing an art museum and walking the sculpture gardens, with a massive Richard Serra and a wall by Andy Goldsworthy, and shopping for a blouse for her for a memorial service.  I even ended up getting a tee shirt.  It was hot, but we were intrepid, and when I got home my husband told me the happy news that our younger daughter's boyfriend had been promoted to manager of one of the largest cafes in the group, and it's easy access by subway.  So we four went out to dinner and had champagne and a great dinner.  It was delightful to see them so proud and excited.

Today my foster granddaughter and I are going out taking photos with our cameras in a botanical garden, and that will be fun.  She's post baby sister, but her best friend is moving many states away at the end of this week, so I think we'll have stuff to talk about.  We're good at discussing. 

Tomorrow I will do laundry and start packing for my road trip with my daughter.  More fun!

Old Age Day by Day June 20, 2012

Today is my foster granddaughter's birthday.  She's seven.  I'm taking her out tomorrow for the afternoon.  Gosh, it's gone by fast, and she's a girl girl now, not a little girl.  We have serious conversations, and share interests and critique movies.  She's a great pal. 

I'm off to adventures with a friend today.  We are seeing gardens and an art museum, and generally whooping it up.  It's a perfect day to be outside admiring gardens.  Though any day doing that activity is fine with me.