Old Age Day by Day November 30, 2012

Last day of the month!  Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire.  And yes, I did see Jerry Lee Lewis perform in Richmond, Virginia, when I was a teenager.  I am that goofy.  I was a member of the Elvis Presley fan club, and practiced Elvis cheers with other completely idiotic young girls.  I swooned to the Everly Brothers.  I saw the Big Bopper and the Temptations and Little Stevie Wonder.  I still occasionally listen to the Shirelles.  I wish I danced more.  I always do when my granddaughter visits, but that is only every few months. 

We had a deluge last night and it's still going on.  Heavy rain, dark sky, and treachery everywhere you step.  I have my rainboots on just to come out here to my writing hut, and I'm watching carefully where I place my feet.  But part of me still has the urge to splash in puddles and act like a labrador.  Having two such dogs probably exaccerbates the tendency.  Only one of them wants to get wet, the other acts like a kitten. 

I am seeing two friends today, so I'm all set for sociability, and I will get out, Mother Nature or no. 

Old Age Day by Day November 29, 2012

Another leak has been discovered in our refrigerator, and of course, fixing and repairing will take a week and many thousands of dollars.  Boy or boy, what a great time of year for this.  But the worst of it may be waiting for insurance and others to call back.  Of course, it doesn't help that my husband does not have a cell phone.  But really, he has not been out, they have been out to lunch.  I have to take the long view, that the problem will get fixed eventually.  It is discouraging about how the painting will go as well.  Badly, probably, with cost overruns. 

In the meantime, I am meeting a friend for lunch, and all the important stuff is fine.  But I'm getting in the mood to Christmas shop and decorate, I have a passion to be out there with the herd, I guess.  There is a toy my granddaughter and I saw yesterday that I want to pick up before it goes away.  And the most fun will be shopping for both the granddaughters.  But I also like to find stocking surprises and maybe a new snow globe and pots of narcissus and that kind of thing.  We're putting off getting the tree for a while, under the delusion the kitchen might get fixed soon.  But for me, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Old Age Day by Day November 28, 2012

The sky is dark, the forecast rainy.  Now is the time for all good people to read and bake and dust.  The outside world will be blustery the next few days.  I'm trying to think what to do with my granddaughter this afternoon.  I had planned to peruse toy stores and maybe a Christmas ornament place, but we may be playing games and drawing instead.  Oh, well.  The newspaper was dark and dismal:  sofas contain flame retardants that alter DNA, crime of all kinds is way up while the police officer numbers go down.  Two teenage girls shot and killed for no reason.  Very depressing. 

I saw in the Health section the obvious:  seniors are helped greatly cognitively and physically by walking around their neighborhoods.  Yet walking can be dangerous to your health in the wrong neighborhood.  Senior centers are organizing walks, and that sounds so sensible and without cost and helpful that I have to applaud the common sense of some people.  More than talks or crafts, older people want to get out and SEE things, smell the air, look at people passing by, chat a bit with others in the group.  So for some problems, there can be solutions, simple ones, and not all require more budget, just volunteers and the will to help.  Walking - what a concept!

Old Age Day by Day November 27, 2012

My best friend had a nasty fall and seven stitches.  And my childhood best friend's mother had a scary episode, surgery and is in the hospital.  Sudden changes at the last minute, as they say.  You cannot really be prepared for surprise, the slip on the carpet, the adjustment of inner organs, the ordinary changes that are nevertheless dangerous and have repercussions.  We try and try to be prepared, but we never can fully be.  Here we store earthquake supplies, fill water reservoirs, yet a fire from a gas line can make all that a moot point.  We have check ups, and take are meds, but surprise down the line, waiting in a corner in the hallway. 

All I know to do is take deep breaths and acknowledge we have the capacity to handle this new reality, and when we don't that's what friends and family are for.  Reach out.  We're all humans with the same frailties and future.  We need each other.  I'll be offering my support, but praying for their inner strength, which I'm certain is there and available.  It's just sometimes we need a reminder that we are our own protectors.  And we cannot protect ourselves from being human.

Old Age Day by Day November 26, 2012

It's foggy again this morning - very atmospheric and Hitchcockian.  I have totally mundane pursuits in mind, however, including going to the post office and ordering some stuff online.  Since the dogs are outside my door I'd better include walking them.  Our son returned from the cabin last night and evidently had a great time with his friends.  We'd saved him some turkey and trimmings per his request, so he returned home to eat them for dinner.  Our younger daughter leaves this coming week for a wedding back east, and generally things are gearing up for the holidays.  I had a nice walk yesterday with an old friend, and the dharma talk yesterday was still floating around in my head, so it was a peaceful day.

I think it's difficult for us to adjust to being older and not doing so much.  We judge ourselves and don't feel productive, which is the yardstick we've been measuring ourselves by.  My friend is having trouble adjusting, and it's a dilemna for most of us.  How do you slow down?  How do you feel you have a place in the world if you're not out doing something?  And what we have to offer in terms of wisdom and experience is not valued in our culture.  I believe our lives become about the tiny interactions we have with others out in the world, and our gentle support to those of our own generation about what is true and right:  a good heart, compassion, generousity, and good humor, which we have in more abundance than younger people.  We have PERSPECTIVE.  We can listen and see that what is truly important is addressed, in a gentle way, so others don't flounder in shoulds and coulds.  You have to be still sometimes to drink from the well of your own being.  Without the resource of your own beautiful self, well, then you feel lost.  It's our time of life to stop and smell the roses, daffodils, irises and other hidden joys right around us.  And perhaps nudge our friends and family to do likewise.

Old Age Day by Day November 25, 2012

My Buddhist teacher spoke today about silence.  How turning inward can cause one to "know oneself".  I feel that, even before I was a practicing Buddhist, I spent time in silence, especially as my kids got older and we had a cabin where I could go to get away from the hustle and bustle of my life.  I sat on the deck, watched the kids swim, wrote in journals, and if I was up by myself, spoke to no one for days on end, and that solitude gave me a knowledge about myself and my experience in the world that I treasure.  Now I deliberately nurture silence, and I've never been afraid of it, because of the "in the woods" experience, not unlike the Buddha in the forest.

Old Age Day by Day November 24, 2012

We had a peaceful day yesterday walking the dogs along a wooded trail, having lunch out and reading.  Today I may take a walk with a friend and I have already rearranged dish towels, napkins and aprons in a new place, hopefully more organized, but a bit difficult to get to due to a dog crate.  Ah, these are the sacrifices we make for our dogs.  My goal is to have less that one thousand items on my kitchen counters, but I'm not sure there is any real hope for the space.  I've shuffled things around, but it may be a shell game.  Some of this stuff is going to have to go.  I think I'm restless about it because the refrigerator area looks like a bomb hit it, so I'm trying to pretend that my kitchen is an island of calm, when it really is a constant aggrevation recently. 

Well, next week brings a contractor, a roofer to look at the gutters for replacing and the possibility that some repairs might get done.  Tantilizing, if illusory.  We shall see.