Old Age Day by Day January 30, 2013

Well, today my daughter, her fiance and our granddaughter come for a visit.  It's a whirlwind for our daughter, and we won't see much of her, but basically our granddaughter will be around for a week.  Then I'm flying her back and going on to visit a friend.  Speaking of friends, I had a great long phone conversation with my childhood friend yesterday.  She's on the east coast and has had health problems recently.  We laughed and caught up and discussed her plans in regards to her 96 year old mother.  I felt like I'd had a good "visit" after. 

Last night my husband and I watched "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" again.  It's a wonderful movie, and the best argument against testing on animals that could possibly be presented.  Powerful to the point that it makes you treasure all beings, and understand their suffering.  It's metaphorical possibilities are endless.  I dreamed a bit about it last night.  Our humanity rests in our compassion for other beings.  This movie expresses that so well.

Old Age Day by Day January 29, 2013

My goodness, the month is about up!  Time just whizzes along at my age.  I had a great time at the museum yesterday.  I was especially taken by Jay de Feo's show.  I loved her photographs, and the graphite drawings and the collages.  And that girl knew how to slap on the paint.  I've got a soft spot for globs of paint.  I adore Anselm Kiefer and others who build monuments on canvases.  It was inspiring, her show, and eye opening.  I don't think she got enough credit for her art.  The Jasper Johns show was more limited and did contain pieces I love, but I'm not really wild about him.  I see his place in the  pantheon, but he doesn't move me.  Anyway, we had fun, and took a long time in each show.  They had given us free audio, and it was very helpful, except one of the three narrators about the Johns show was pretentious and had to use abstract language instead of showing us detail or history or some insight.  The flowery language made me feel Johns' art was pretentious, which is a bad sign.  But I reminded myself that this was just a curator who was full of himself and thought we couldn't make connections or see the larger issues on our own. 

Last night I finished Junot Diaz's "This is how you lose her", which is so funny, brilliant, sad and full of life that you feel shot through with adrenalin.  Now I'm going to find his earlier books and savor his writing more.  Wow!  What a talent!

Old Age Day by Day January 28, 2013

I'm off to see two art shows with a friend this morning.  We'll get some walking in as well.  It's cold and sunny, so it is a good day for the trek.  I haven't seen any art in quite a while.  But now there are several shows in the city and here I am determined to see.  Hung Liu, Dutch paintings, Jay de Feo, Jasper Johns, many riches are all around me. 

I'm getting all excited to see my daughter, her fiance and my granddaughter.  Two more days!  I keep thinking of groceries and treats and what we might do.  But really, just being in the same room is enough for me.

Old Age Day by Day January 26m 2013

I finished an interesting book last night about the pursuit of happiness and positive thinking, and how the results of affirmations and these motivational seminars are counter-productive.  It's called "The Antidote" and the author of it finds that avoiding the negative does not make a person happier, paradoxically, facing the negative actually eases anxiety.  He describes various philosophers and research looking into this area, and the results are surprising.  One chapter is on Buddhism, and the practice of facing that life is change and death awaits all of us.  I really enjoyed learning about the Stoics, in Greek times, and what they were actually saying.  And he has a chapter on Mexico and Dias de las Muertos.  It turns out that avoidance of the inevitable is more punishing than seeing what is so for us as humans.  I also learned a bit about Eckhart Tolle.  It's a small book, by a British journalist who often writes for The Guardian.  Well worth reading.

Today the sun seems to be out, and walking the dogs seems a good idea.  Beyond that, I know not.

Old Age Day by Day January 25, 2013

Here comes the sun!  I sang while walking the dogs, and am looking forward to lunch with a friend and then a phone interview with my Buddhist teacher.  I still have this elation on Fridays, even though it's been a few years since I worked, and the weekend is not the oasis it once seemed.  I also have the Sunday night dread, as if I was still in school or going to work.  Old patterns die hard.  These rhythms get in the body.

I read how our Governor gave a State of the State address that was received enthusiastically by both parties, and it was optimistic and positive.  I grew up with this man.  He was the son of the Governor, then the Governor and then Mayor of Oakland and now Governor again.  I have never had any doubt he loves this state and thinks of the people's welfare first.  He's of the Jesuit mind for service and contribution to his community.  Although I don't agree with everything he does, I think history will make this man into a legend.  I guess that his faith and his intellect and even his privilege have forged his strength.  He actually makes decisions in a rational, considered deliberation.  He's a grown up.  Not many of those kind of politicians around.  He's in his seventies now, and has battled prostate cancer, so I think we should treasure him while he's alive. 

Old Age Day by Day January 24m 2013

We watched Hitchcock's 'The Lady Vanishes" last night.  As I get older myself, I love seeing the heroine being a lady in her sixties or seventies.  Dame May Whitty is delightful, intrepid, and brilliant.  And every time I see Michael Redgrave, I see Vanessa Redgrave in his face.  He's splendid, and despite the model trains and painted backdrops, the film's tension is wonderful.  Made during World War II, it has the passion and patriotism that created some wonderful films.  And the movie is an object lesson of the danger in assuming that a little old lady is what she seems, and only that.  This little old lady is a super spy, and able to outrun the Nazis.

I don't believe in war or combat, but if we have soldiers, I think they should be men or women.  Women want to do this, for a reason I can't fathom, but I cannot see why they are not able to be as combative as men.  So I'm fine with them being included in an activity I pray feverently to cease.
I know their are men, who, like me, would be terrified and unable to serve in combat, and there clearly are women who are passionate to serve.  I don't think it's about gender.

But let's realize war perpetuates itself, and we must turn to solutions that don't involve drones or combat.  The more diplomatic tools in our arsenal, the better to keep the peace.  Not soldiers, ideas.

Old Age Day by Day January 23, 2013

The gloomy weather has descended again.  However, we probably need the rain, if it comes.  I'm not seeing my granddaughter today as she has the flu.  I'm going to visit her tomorrow if she's better.  So this is an inside day, and perhaps a day to write poems and read.  A reflective day, I hope.  This is a great time of life because I have so much space for being quiet, letting my thoughts wander and go, and seeing what comes up in my body and mind.  It's a luxury.  I'm grateful.