My daughter-in-law's stepdad died this morning. It was expected, in fact he'd refused further treatment and wanted to die at home. For her, it's the first parent to die. It's a huge event, even when she had been out to see him twice and said all her goodbyes. Our older two kids, including her husband, lost their dad when they were 13 and 15. One's life is altered forever. Although, I'm beginning to see that our lives are altered continually, and we change and transform and retransform. Nothing stays. Nothing remains. Except our memories and the ways the person altered us by his/her presence in our lives.
I'm sure she takes comfort in having taken the time and effort to fly our twice to be with him and comfort her mom. Maybe gestures are all we have in the face of enormities, but they are powerful and make us who we are. At such times, words are ineffective, so actions speak more eloquently. I really liked her stepdad. He was sweet and friendly and gentle as a lamb. He had a smile from ear to ear and he radiated kindness. He led a good life. He reminds me it's possible.
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