I didn't feel happy after last night's chorus rehearsal. I felt all my confidence ebb away, when our conductor sent a woman to sing with the tenors (me and now a new woman), because this woman, meaning to be helpful, lectures me and so destroys my concentation I can't sing. I finally stopped, and went to the restroom as an excuse. I just feel hounded. I will have been singing correctly, and when she steps next to me, I am immediately rattled. This makes me believe I should quit, because I can't keep focused. I'm going to think it over for a couple of days. I really just want to enjoy the process, as I've said before. But maybe it is not going to be possible. I wish someone could give me an honest assessment of whether I am singing well enough to be a part of the chorus. I don't believe the conductor will tell me the truth, because we have so few members, and if I leave there will be one tenor, or none. I can't expect to give myself an objective assessment, and I'm up and down about how I think I'm doing. Sometimes I nail it, others I'm fumbling. Like life.
I hope I can sort my feelings out, and maybe talk to the conductor, which is the right thing to do. I cannot just quit without discussing why. But I don't want to talk about another member. It feels awful.
No comments:
Post a Comment