I was really grumpy yesterday. Nothing exactly went WRONG, but I was irritated and had a bright pink face. Then at bedtime, I realized that my neighbor had died Tuesday, and I'd learned that my dear friend's brother was dying, and yet I'd been busy and not really allowed myself to focus on those sad events. I wrote a letter to my friend's brother, and who knows what to say and how to say it. I'm trying to absorb the news, but it seems to mainly be manifesting in paranoia about the skin cancer I had on my arm, and a feeling that I am prey and something is about to jump out at me from behind a bush. If death is the predator, then I am far from alone, but I feel this heightened flight response from deep in my body. It's plain old scary.
I will attempt to have a quiet weekend, and see if my feelings can settle down in my body. I will let myself feel sad. I will remember I don't know what the future holds for myself or anyone else. So all I can do is keep my connections current and healthy, and my mind kind to myself and my fears. I am not alone.
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