Last night we went to a party with my husband's lab at the head's house. It was to celebrate my husband's retirement and the graduation (Phd) of three other students. It was awkward, and we both hate parties, but we went with good will. I was determined to be friendly, but no one spoke to us beyond introductions for the first 45 minutes. It's the ageism thing. They think we are boring and not worth speaking to, and don't give us a chance. Finally, we began talking with a guy from the same state as my husband, and then a couple with a dog. Eventually, we found some people to chat with and made it through the party. We both had headaches when we left. The arrogance of the young is painful when observed through the eyes of people our age, people who have traveled, lived many different interesting lives, and actually know quite a lot. But unless it's a professor that they want a position with, they don't see us as worth their while. I'm sure I was the same. But it is painful. And boring.
We were relieved to leave, and watch Antique Road Show on TV. We're antiques, so it was appropriate. In our culture there generally is no striving for wisdom, and the young see nothing that the old can teach them. We are just not interesting. I am interested in them. Part of it is selfish, in that I can learn about my own kids and their generations that way. Part of it is I'm very social. And part is that I'm a writer, and writers are curious about other people, and how they speak and act and what they experience.
Finally, one woman, hearing I was a writer, actually asked my advice for a friend of hers who had an agent who couldn't find her a publisher. She seemed shocked that I had ideas and was helpful. We had a lively discussion for a while and I think she forgot about my age for a bit. I'm old enough to be some of these people's mother, but not their grandmother. Yet I got assigned the category of OLD AGE. I hate labeling, and kick myself when I find I'm doing it. Let this be a lesson for me yet again, not to assume anything about people but remain open and curious. Because it's tough to be on the receiving end of such superficial typing.
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