I had my Buddhist study group this morning, and we're on our sixth month at least of studying Shantideva's chapter on Patience. So I'm being patient with being on patience. As Suzuki Roshi used to say, "It takes as long as it takes". What sounded boring to me in the beginning, now looks like an amazing skill to learn and practice, and I have also noticed that I am more impatient that I previously thought. All my experience tells me, "What goes around comes around" and "things have a way of working themselves out", but still, sometimes I feel I'm standing still, that no progress has been made, just endless cycles of reactivity. But that is not true. I have an ease in my life that I used to not possess, and waiting is no longer the same thing to me as inactivity. It is an admission that life is not in my control, that others have different needs and agendas, that over time much heals, and talks are possible down the road that are hopeless at the beginning. I am now more ready to be surprised and notice the outcome I dreaded or attempted to avoid may in fact be the best outcome for everyone.
So I'm really actively practicing patience, and waiting for other people to be "ready", when I think I'm already ready. We're all interdependent, and keeping that in mind, let's just see what happens. Whatever it is, I'll tackle it when I get there.
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