Old Age Day by Day August 27, 2012

One good thing to come out of asking my older kids to settle their plans without me in the middle, is that they did settle their plans.  But the second is I realized I'd like to begin a group of women as a support for those of us grappling with grown kids and how to manuever the minefields of interaction.  I think it would be useful and we could pool our knowledge and help each other figure out what is appropriate or not.  I know we are all struggling to be good older parents of older kids, and we don't know the "rules".  Some of us had our parents die so young we never got to figure out how to relate to our parents when we ourselves were first parents.  Some of us were midstream in our own young parenting when a parent died, and some of us have very aged parents so we are caught in between being grown kids and parents of grown kids.

I'm going to send out an email to friends next week and see if anyone is interested. 

Old Age Day by Day August 25, 2012

Yesterday we took our daughter and both granddaughters to a historic house and gardens, and the weather was perfect and the girls had a lot of fun.  Last night our other daughter and her boyfriend, plus our younger son came for dinner.  But there are tensions and anger and as much as I've said I won't be put in the middle, that is what happens.  Our two older kids have a conflict about the cabin next week, and though we asked them to clear up the plans, they basically won't speak to each other about it.  Each feels put upon and angry at the other, and I cannot fix this.  So what I'd hoped would be a good week with my daughter and granddaughter is threatening to be upsetting and awkard, if not a disaster.

I'm going to have to face the fact that the visit I dreamed of will not happen.  I went to my Buddhist study group this morning, and though I felt teary,  managed to appreciate the group and my practice.  Tomorrow I will go to my local meditation and dharma talk, which may ease me further.  Tonight we have a dear friend coming for dinner, which will be good. 

Four kids is a lot of potential conflict, and I'm afraid I've somehow made things worst in my parenting.  I just want to love them all and not take sides, and I pray they can put some effort into resolving their difficulties.  I know I feel punished by this behavior, and powerless to change it without some willingness on their parts.

Old Age Day by Day August 23, 2012

The connection between two current new items is interesting.  There is the Aiken flap, the underbelly of which is controlling women's lives, as well as blaming them for being raped, and the news that autism and schizophrenia is heavily determined by the male parent, and abnormalities in sperm as the person ages.  We've had decades of blaming women for autism - they didn't bond, they didn't eat right, but the determiner is the male exclusively.  The far right is not going to like this science any more than climate change.  Because underneath the varied rhetoric of the right is a biblical blame of women for all the ails of the world.  Oh, most people know how to be politically correct, but there is virilent mysogyny here as in the rest of the world.  Women and children are the slave factory, and like the South, men will fight to the death to keep a good deal.  I don't go around saying or even thinking this except rarely, but I know and all women know that the power is with the male, and it would take an apolcalypse to change societal structures.  There are men who are careful, because they are conscious of women's situation, to not abuse power or add to the negativity heaped upon women.  My husband and sons are aware and sensitive.  But underneath the niceties for most men lies hatred of women.  Maybe, as Dinnerstein has suggested, because we are fortunate to nurture life and give birth, and men are struggling to get out from under the powerful mothers they were dependent on as babies.  I don't know.  But, honey, I worked in battered women's shelters for twelve years, and there is hatred abounding.  One in three women will be raped in her life.  We have no sense of safety, and we are being subtlely or blatantly told that we dressed provocatively or made a bad decision or teased or some such crap.  I'm sick of it, and I wish women would wake up and not take this myth as truth anymore.  I don't look to men, they will never have the incentive to protect women.

As the Buddha said, "I am my own protector".

Old Age Day by Day August 22, 2012

This is the month in which my best friend in my twenties, best friend as in next to me at my wedding, as in promising to take care of each others' kids if anything bad happened, died.  She shot herself with her brother's gun.  She had described to me just how she was going to do it, and I had begged her to get help, went to her husband and begged him, offered to take her two kids for a break, pleaded, and watched them move out of state, when they'd just completed building their dream house nearby me.  I miss her still.  I talk to her in the car alone sometimes.  And I never, ever forget the day she died, and never will.  We would be old ladies now together.  We would be comparing grandchildren's photos.  She would have aged well.  She was a stunner, with pale gold hair, green, green eyes and a sweet oval face.  We would be making things:  we were always sewing, hemming curtains together, stuffing pillows, painting furniture.  She would have gone on to complete her BA in Biology, and taught, and been photographed and held up as a feminist before the wave hit.  She was the first woman I knew who was in a consciousness raising group.  The first woman I knew who built her own furniture.  She had design skills that could have netted her a fortune.  She helped her husband with his pottery, sold and delivered it to galleries.  She meditated.

And I can remember loping down the hill in married student housing and looking in the sliding glass door and there she was in her rocking chair, meditating, and I would tiptoe back home.  I owe her my spiritual life.  She supported me when my husband and I divorced, and when I remarried, and when we had our son she took our two older kids in the middle of the night during a 7 Eleven robbery, with police all around, and she and her husband wrapped them in blankets, and got them safely inside.  She was the first to visit me in the hospital the next morning.  She could save me but I couldn't save her, from her history, family, and the insidious force of depression.  Her two kids are in their forties now.  There are a few of us, missing her terribly, still, and wishing she had been helped the way she helped others.

Old Age Day by Day August 21, 2012

Only a couple of more days until our daughter and granddaughter come to visit.  We haven't seen them since April, and miss them so much.  There will be a week together, and I want everything to go well, and fret about details, when I really know it's out of my hands.  I can only handle what my words and actions are, and trust me, that's more than enough to take care of.  Expectations are super tricky, and feeling like I can orchestrate the visit is a minefield.  So many other family members are involved, and all with the best intentions.  I'm just going to be happy to physically be in the same space as my children.  It's an end to the summer kind of get together, and that makes the visit bittersweet in a way.  The fall season is coming fast upon us, and there are those expectations, the holidays, our daughters' birthdays, the shorter days and stress to handle.  Being up at the cabin is a last hurrah before all that. 

So I need to not let the pull of the fall keep me from enjoying what is happening right now.  A visit.  A chance to connect, laugh and have fun.  The future will take care of itself.

Old Age Day by Day August 20, 2012

My husband and I took two walks up a nearby mountain, and had a nice time.  On the first one I had trouble with the loose gravel and the incline, but the second was easy.  I also have trouble with heights, so there were lookouts I avoided.  Even on the way up or down in the car I struggled mightily with looking out or down.  I get very anxious.  I believe I've always had this problem, but it has gotten worse with age.  My mind goes to over the edge, and I feel as if I'm falling.  Deep breaths help and sometimes closing my eyes.  I fell three times as a kid:  down the basement stairs, on an escalator, and from the iron fireplace screen.  No permanent damage, but I was painfully hurt each time.  When I fell down the basement stairs, I was rushed to the emergency room, and I had to have stitches in my head and was told a quarter inch more I'd have died.  I was only five, but that stuck with me.  "Vertigo" is not a movie I can easily watch. 

All I can say is for me and Jimmy Stewart, falling represents death, and one's own mortality.  The more I get used to the fact I'm going to die, the more I'm afraid of it, on some level.  We can't be completely rational, not all the time, and our body reminds us of this, by getting dizzy, closing the eyes, tensing up.  The body is not ready, and it's not buying any of this intellectual rationalization.  The body says:  "Don't get near any edges or cliffs, you might slip".  Our friend, a few years ago, who was an experienced and inveterate hiker in Colorado, was on an easy walk on the hills above his house, and disappeared.  They found him two days later, fallen, and leaving a mystery as to how it could have happened.  A moment of dizziness, loose gravel, looking at an eagle overhead.  His wife and kids will never know.  Death comes when it comes. 

Old Age Day by Day August 19, 2012

My granddaughter and I visited kitties yesterday.  We first went to the pet store and saw two black kittens and one grown black one.  I could hardly tear her away.  Then I said we could visit my daughter's cats, and we did that.  I could hardly tear her away.  Then she expressed how her parents would never let her have a cat, and it would take her forever to have her own (20) cats.  She next tried to persuade me to get a cat, because then she could visit it once a week and she would be happy.  That was pretty clever of her:  now the guilt was switched from her parents to me.  I countered that when school began she'd meet new friends in her class and maybe they would have cats.  I did not console her.  She is a most determined child.

We found school clothes for her, and tights and shoes, had a lovely lunch out, then came home and sewed a blanket and pillow for the cats and dogs in the shelter we are going to visit with my friend.  Then we watched Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland", after receiving permission from her mom via phone.  She loved it.  I returned her home and we ate cherry tomatoes from her plants.  I came back exhausted but happy.

Old Age Day by Day August 18, 2012

My husband and I watched my favorite movie last night:  "Les Enfants du Paradis".  It's astounding to look at and I still find it compelling.  The cinematography is fresh and delicious, even though it was made in 1945.  Afterward, we had a discussion about it and compared it with "Gone With the Wind".  Why the former is great and the latter just good entertainment.  It was fun.  Today I have an outing with my granddaughter, and we will seek a school outfit for her and have lunch.  She's not into eating actual meals with me, so I have some trepidation about the lunch.  There is a lot of wasted food.  I'm not her parents, and don't want to make a big deal out of it, but lately I try to avoid meals with her, because she doesn't want anything healthy, only starches.  I imagine she eats lots of good snacks, and when we're home I offer fruit and other stuff, but she wants ice cream and chips.  She'll outgrow this phase, but I have no authority to really persuade her to eat right.  Or maybe I do and I'm just getting soft in my old age.  I only see her once a week, so I don't want to argue with her.  She could easily take her place on the judicial bench right now.  A seven year old and and grown woman?  No contest.  The seven year old wins hands down!

Old Age Day by Day August 17, 2012

My husband and I bought a sofa yesterday.  It will not be delivered for a month, but we decided it was worth the wait.  After being lured by leather, and I myself fell in love with a butter yellow leather sofa, I started thinking about the dogs' claws, and scratchy jewelry and spills.  But the yellow was so cheerful.  Instead, we ended up with a fabric just like the sofa we have, but a different structure and the color is orangy red.  It looked like it would go really well with what we have, and was comfy, but it does have some loose pillows which our male dog likes to kick to the floor.  I'm not sure we bought a sofa for ourselves or for the dogs.  It was definitely a compromise.  Now, I'm excited to see, when we get the sofa, if it really cheers up the dark living room, and fits with other stuff.  Who can really tell ahead of time?  Not me.

I think we also bought a sofa, because neither one of us has a huge tolerance for this kind of shopping.  And we had decided we could not buy something so big over the internet.  We are geezers, we needed to SEE the thing in person.  We once bought six black chairs that way, and it was fine, they're sturdy and look good.  But then, from the same online store, we bought a dining room rug, and it was supposed to be red, looked red in the pictures, but is actually a dull coral.  I like it fine, but my husband hates it.  Yes, we could have taken it back, but oh, so much trouble.  We've probably bought several dozen pieces of furniture like that, but most had no color that had to be accurate.  The rug should have been.  So we're skeptical buyers at this point, and color was a big factor for us.  Do you know how many beige, pearl and brown sofas there are?  Too dark or too light?  Do you know how many prints?  Hardly any.  Prints cost triple what a solid does, and then you have to order on trust, because they have to make it.  This is a conspiracy to have all living rooms bland.  I'm not sure why, except when we ruin them, and you do, it's much quicker, and then you have to buy a new sofa, and therefore keep them in business.  I have countered that by having pieces reupolstered, including a sofa, chaise, and two chairs.  But usually, that is costlier than a new piece. 

The antique thing is supremely tricky.  And my husband is not so fond of those rigid, unforgiving styles.  So, anyway, the dogs are going to have a new sofa, and I'm thinking about a butter yellow - tablecloth?

Old Age Day by Day August 16, 2012

We had dinner with our younger son last night and it was relaxed and pleasant, at a restaurant we have loved for years.  It's really nice when we see just one kid at a time, I think.  Maybe, from his part, it's overwhelming to see both of us at once, I don't know.  Having adult kids is a constant attempt at reinvention and sensitivity reinforcement.  There don't seem to be any rules, and we're all respectfully tiptoeing in the dark.  I love hearing about their work and lives, and yet mainly, it's just seeing them, being in their presence that is so wonderful.  And that gives me a pang, because my parents didn't see their parents but once or maybe twice a year.  They lived so far away, and it was not an era when people blithely took airplanes, and I know my mom missed her mother terribly, and then she died so young, when she was sixty.  My dad's relationship with his parents was more problematic, but I could see plainly their pain at seldom seeing any of us and then for only a day or two.  So I am blessed. 

I've come to some funny state where I do feel at times in the presence of one or both of my parents, even though they've been dead twenty six years or more.  They've come back to me.  We don't speak, but it is unnecessary.  I feel their love and pain and the utter complexity of their lives.  I respect them fully now.  Maybe a lot of us are careful not to look too hard at our parents' humanity when they are alive, but it gets us in the end.  And teaches us to look at our kids fully, compassionately, and with respect.

Ols Age Day by Day August 15, 2012

My husband and I are attempting to buy a sofa for our upcoming birthdays, and it's challenging.  The stuff online and in catalogues is hard to figure out - how would it look in real life?  Would the color be lighter or darker in our living room?  And looking in show rooms is an exercise in futility.  Every sofa is white or cream.  I wanted a vintage sofa, but they come in no prints or colors that would work for us.  I like the old mahogany settees, but my husband doesn't.  We've been thinking about leather, but it would have to be a light color, which is difficult to find.  We don't want a bunch of back pillows, been there, done that, so that narrows it down.  Basically, we're going to have to have a lot of luck.  And it's going to take a lot of hours.  I, of course, want something unique, and witty, and gaily colored.  My husband wants comfort and practibility. 

My girlfriend and I saw "Hope Springs" last night.  It's definitely a women's movie, as it's so stacked in favor of Streep's character.  Yet both of us didn't like her character much, and found her boring.  It's a very simplified view of a marriage, and the focus is completely on sex.  Sex is very important, but I kept wanting to know if they had any friends and if she had any interests.  They perhaps made her too ordinary, and it ended up looking distainful.  This is a movie actor's idea of ordinary heartland people.  I was offended for all my relatives in the midwest.  And the music was a blatant attempt at keeping people younger than sixty remotely interested in the film.  It was working hard, too hard.  I love seeing Streep, but this film, like the Thatcher one, is two dimensional.  Not enough complexity.

Old Age Day by Day August 14, 2012

Good lord almighty!  I had an appointment this morning at the DMV to renew my driver's license at eight am, and the computers were down.  After 2 1/2 hours I left, and must redo the appointment and everything.  Nothing accomplished!  Every one was texting so I had no one to talk to and no book, so I meditated.  I gave up so I could come home and walk the dogs.  I was so nervous last night I slept poorly, and the dogs were barking all night long about some animal in the back yard.  I'm exhausted.  To top it all off, my daughter canceled lunch, so I'm on my own.  I am going with a friend to a movie tonight, so the day is not totally a waste. 

What I'm proud of is my patience at the DMV.  I saw a few badly behaved white men, but everyone else was polite and quiet and good natured.  The entire state computer system is down, so there was no one to blame and nothing to do but wait as long as possible and then leave.  I felt generally proud of my fellow humans.  The only time I was irritated a bit was the TV cameraman who was shooting.  I turned my head away each time.  I did not feel like being on the news.  Not until I win the Nobel Prize for Literature, and then I will be supremely gracious.  Though I admit liking Doris Lessing's grumpiness when she won.  She had the nerve to not be very grateful, and act like a man.  Good for her1

Old Age Day by Day August 13, 2012

My husband is up at our cabin and I'm here with the dogs.  In a long marriage, most people need a bit of separation.  We're lucky, we have the cabin to get away from each other, reflect and regroup.  Lately, he's been the one to go up, but in the past, I've spent a month up there by myself.  I'm always tempted, but this week I have appointments and things to do.  He will be back in a couple of days, but in the meantime, we get a break, and come back together appreciating each other more.  I really like being alone, my husband doesn't.  I find plenty to do, he tends to brood.  It's tricky, this marriage business, and requires a lot of adjustments, constantly.  It's a dance, and sometimes we're dancing alone, and sometimes together.  I like dancing all by myself, or with a bunch of girlfriends.  He will only dance with me.  That's fine, as long as we respect each other.

Old Age Day by Day August 12, 2012

I just received photos of my granddaughter at a three different birthday parties and also three snaps of her "wedding" to her boyfriend.  They are irresistably adorable, and she makes a mighty pretty bride.  It's fun to see her dressed up and how grown up she looks.  I'll see her in person in a couple of weeks, but what a treat for me, coming back from meditation.  I had some good talks today with people at the temple, and actually gave my email to one woman, who lives a couple of hours away, but came to hear our teacher.  We clicked, and had a great time talking.  The man on the other side of me was wonderful, too, and we talked about length of meditation and other things, and I felt very comfortable wedged between them.  Our teacher shared and epiphany he had yesterday, and it was sweet to hear his story.  He had a yogi from Tibet with him as a guest, and he was wonderful.  His posture was lovely, and when he stood later, he was tall and big, just completely striking.

My teacher ended with a joke.  He probably laughed the most himself, but we were all delighted.  There was a disaster, a flood, and ten people needed rescuing.  Nine were men and one was a woman.  The helicopter pilot got a rope to them, but it was beginning to fray.  He yelled that one person needed to sacrifice himself so the others could be saved.  A man responded his wife could be the sacrifice, as she was used to it anyway.  The nine men were happy, they all clapped.

Old Age Day by Day August 11, 2012

Yesterday was a feast of trying to catch minnows, making sand castles, playing with kittens and doing what seven year olds like to do.  It was a summery day, and we had fun at a lake and then at my friend's house with her kittens.  Lastly, we went inside for a movie and my granddaughter laughed her head off, so that was successful as well.  Having not seen the first three "Ice Age" s was no detriment whatsoever.  I got the plot instantly.  The silliness is what my granddaughter appreciated.  It even had a good message, which was pointless for a seven year old, since it was more about teens needing to try their wings.  My granddaughter thinks I can get up and leave her while I buy her a water, and I said she must come with me, that I couldn't leave her in the theater, and, in the end, we didn't get the water, but I did tell her parents to help me explain why it was not okay to leave her alone, even for a minute.  So maybe she already has the teen independence, but it's a bit premature.  She also was jumping from escalators, for which I did not rat her out, I just tackled that one myself.  She wanted to go down the up escalator as well, and saw some boys doing it, but I was firm on that.  We also had long discussions about her wanting a cat, and her parents' refusal, and my explaining they had a new baby and enough to deal with was chatter on deaf ears.  SHE would do all the taking care of the pet.  What about driving to the vet?  I asked.  No answer.  We compromised by agreeing to visit my friend's kitties again and me seeing if there is an afterschool program for caring for animals at any local shelter.  I know a friend who volunteers at a shelter and could give her a tour, at least.

So I returned home at seven pm, exhausted, with takeout, and my husband and I watched a movie.  And it was not a cartoon!

Old Age Day by Day August 10, 2012

I'm off soon to pick up my foster granddaughter for a day at the lake.  It's hot and a perfect day for swimming.  Usually, the weather makes my plans change with her, but not today.  The temperature is cooperating nicely.  Soon she'll be back in school, so it's great to have a last fling.  I haven't seen her in a month, as she and her family have been gone, so I've worked up a mighty yearning to spend time with my seven year old sweetie.  And in a week or so I'll see my four year old granddaughter.  An embarassment of little girls.  I love it!

My husband is keeping me up to date on the Olympics, and has actually gotten me in for a few moments at a time to see track races, hurdles and the decatholon.  I would have seen women's soccer, but had an appointment yesterday, so he went over to our daughter's house and watched with her.  The jumping really gets me as well.  So hard to fling one's body like a missle.  It takes a lot of letting go.  It also makes a good image for visualization.

I'm slowly reading a mystery by Tana French, "Broken Harbor", about a murder, a broken family, and the detective who can't quite see how broken he is, and so botches the case.  It's thoroughly Irish, and the underlying theme is about the recent economic collapse, especially housing, over there.  French is a great writer, and takes her time, because her characters have so much depth and we really empathize with them.  It's such a complicated plot that I cannot rush, which is good for me.  So if I'm exhausted after my granddaughter, I can sink into my book.

Old Age Day by Day August 9, 2012

I had a nice dinner last night with a friend.  We caught up and then some.  The time just flies these days, and friends' birthdays pass and I'm on to the next before I know it.  I like to get out of the house.  When I'm home, I'm responsible for dinner, and frankly, dinner is not of much interest to me these days.  Lunch is when I'm hungry, and sometimes late afternoon.  If I was by myself, I'd snack and skip dinner.  My husband still likes dinner and is starved, and in that we are incompatible.  No biggie, but I'd like to eat more when I feel like it, and I might like dinner more if someone else did it.  My husband is great with BLTs and grilled cheese sandwiches.  That's it, end of story.  If I can't face the kitchen, we go out or pick up take out. 

Now you can say I had dinner out last night, and technically, that's true.  But it was at one of those places with four beets the size of peas and a tiny pool of sauce and a couple of greens.  Some items were too small to identify.  We shared a pizza as well, which was visible, but thin and well, the whole thing was about the amount of one regular slice, or less.  I did have a beer.  But we ate light, more like snacking, and the kind of place my husband hates because he's still hungry afterward.  He doesn't understand presentation.  Not a bit. 

For me, it was all about the conversation, and taking a long time to eat a very little, and the surprise of finding out the small little white carrots were actually scallops.  Who knew?  Baby scallops, I guess, young enough that they still should have been accompanied by their mother.  Dear reader, I ate them.  Mea culpa.

Old Age Day by Day August 8, 2012

My husband, younger daughter and I went to see a Man Ray/Lee Miller show at an art museum, and really enjoyed it.  There were lots of gorgeous photographs and interesting material.  Lee Miller was quite talented, and Man Ray a genius.  Surrealism is endlessly fascinating to me, and I bought the catalogue for the show, plus a book about the Farley Farm where Lee Miller and her husband Roland Portesque lived with their son.  I love those art deco/Bloomsbury/surreal rooms with bright walls and goofy clutter.  I love painted furniture.  I'd have made a great Bell daughter. 

Now I'm super sleepy.  I need a nap.  Maybe too much stimulation and now I'm exhausted.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll dream a surrealistic dream and wake up in a room that is tangerine walls and a Magritte over the fireplace. 

Old Age Day by Day August 7, 2012

Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day!  It's so beautiful I cannot figure out exactly in what way I am going to be out in the sunshine and warmth.  I'll get out there somehow right after I finish this blog.  Yesterday was an in the car in traffic kind of day, and I didn't get back home until dark.  I just want to hug this summer weather to me and give it a great big kiss.

I'm feeling the fall creeping up, and I want to enjoy the longer days while we have them, and the sockless season.  I do so hate to wear socks. 

I believe a nice walk is in order, and while I'm walking, I can search for birthday cards and presents for several friends.  What a good idea! 

Old Age Day by Day August 6, 2012

One of my friends lent me the movie "The Vow".  Her point was that Channing Tatum was worth staring at for two hours.  Yes, even at our advanced age, we act like schoolgirl idiots at times.  She was right.  He's pretty cute, though McAdams' dimples got to me after a while.  My husband watched the whole thing with me and opined that Tatum could act, but McAdams was wrong for the role.  See?  Too much dimples.  Now, in one week I've seen three great films at the theaters, and one very interesting one at home:  "Platinum Blonde", with Jean Harlow, Loretta Young, and this guy Paul Williams, who was terrific in it but died four days later of a burst appendix.  I think it's time to get back to reading, as there can't be that many films waiting to dazzle me this week.  My run of luck is bound to run out.

I'm reading a very strange but capivating book by Cheryl Staiyed, "Dear Sugar".  She's an online advice blogger, and these are some of her letters and responses.  It's absolutely riveting, and her advice is transcendantly beautiful and profound.  So I'm shoring up all this advice, at my age, and loving every minute of it.  Maybe the issues are not of current interest to me, but they take me back to various stages of my life, and I end up reflecting on the path my life has taken.  Have I been true to myself?  I get to see when I was and wasn't and affirm the absolute necessity of listening to my heart.  I'll hate when this book ends.

Old Age Day by Day August 5, 2012

Today I saw the third great film for this week "Ai WeiWei I'm so sorry"  a documentary about his life, art and dissident activism.  What an extraordinary man, and his art and courage are amazing.  I fear for his life, but hope that his visibility will keep the Chinese government from detaining him again.  We should all watch out for him and protect him as much as we can.

Before the film, I sat and then listened to a dharma talk by Anam Thubten.  This talk was deeply profound and transparently clear, about awareness as the pathless path to liberation.  As usual, I was touched and inspired.  I'm so lucky to have two teachers who are so wise and helpful.

Tomorrow is a new day of the new week, and I hope to make it a good one.  I'll be with my younger daughter in the afternoon.  I look forward to that.

Old Age Day by Day August 4, 2012

Wow!  I saw an amazing film last night - "Beasts of the Southern Wild".  It is impossible to explain, as it is part allegory, part magic realism, and part political.  It made my hair stand on end.  The acting by the two leads is extraordinary, one of them a six year old girl.  She and the man who plays her dad are dazzling, and neither ever acted before.  The imagry is powerful, and the subject - these marginal people on the absolute fringe of society at the levees in Louisiana, is important and transcends time and place.  It's a terrific film.

I received news from my friend that her brother is dying, and my heart is full with her upcoming loss.  He is a funny, sweet guy, and he's handled his dying so beautifully, so tenderly, that it has affected all of us with his model.  Now it is the end, and friends surround him, and his sister will soon be there.  Her parents are long dead, and now she will be the only survivor, for a while of her nuclear family.  Luckily, she has two daughters, and three grandchildren, and she knows full well life goes on, but it must be strange and disorienting.  I'll be praying for them all.

Old Age Day by Day August 3, 2012

Today is a double girlfriend day.  I'm having lunch with one and movie and dinner with another.  Sweet!  as my son would say.  Both of these friends also have their birthdays next week, but we aren't celebrating that yet.  I don't want to get ahead of the wagon.  The movie we are seeing tonight is "Beast of the Southern Wild" and Sunday, with yet another friend, we're going to the AiWeiWei documentary.  So - three independent quality films in one week (I saw Crazy Wisdom Tuesday) - my cup runneth over.  Two are documentaries, which seem to be really great these days.

And in between, I'm reading a great mystery and have two other interesting books lined up right behind.  Harry Dolan is a terrific writer, and I just bought "Dear Sugar" about an online advice columnist in Portland, Oregon, that looks fascinating.  I heard her interviewed on NPR yesterday, and after that one a mystery set in India.  An embarassment of riches, for sure.

Old Age Day by Day August 2, 2012

I am avoiding the Olympics like the plague.  Several decades ago, one last "Up Close and Personal" feature did me in.  All the jingoism and nationalism and sloppy smaltz just put the last nail in the coffin.  Yes, one picks up some info without any effort, but I, like Rhett Butler, don't really give a damn.  And I resent the baseball news being moved over or below.  But it's only temporary.  And without watching any TV I am insulated from the more inane coverage.  I just have to wait it out and it will be gone, disappeared.

On a happier note, they have nourished, cleaned up and released a bunch of brown pelicans back into the skies.  They still don't know what happened - where they poisoned by bad fish?  But I love those birds and their Olympian efforts to remain a part of nature I can applaud with genuine hope and joy.  In fact, isn't that a gold metal around that one up there?  For bravery and trust of the very species whose actions are doing them in?  Yes, I think,  it could be...

Old Age Day by Day August 1, 2012

Oh, dear.  The baseball game was quite dismal.  Our team played badly, and was beaten by a wide margin.  The highlight was the popcorn chicken.  Perhaps my husband and I had better stay at home for good luck.  We only bring the bad when we are there in person.  I'll have to content myself with reading about it in the newspaper.

I finished a very good mystery yesterday called Very Bad Men.  I'm going to search for his other book - Hogan is his name.  It was intricately plotted and fascinating, with vivid characters and locales.  It's mainly set in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  Now I'm reading a mystery set in India.  Very different.

I'm going to see 'The Life and Times of Chogyam Trungpa" today.  I'm curious about it and it's a couple of blocks away from me.  I met him many years ago when I was in grad school, as the whole Naropa crew used to come to readings at the university, and were famous for eating all the food and drinking all the wine.  I thought they were bizarre at the time, but now I kind of wish I'd gone to Naropa and at least heard some of the dharma talks.  I just did not have a good first impression.  Drunks are not my cup of tea.  But I enjoy his writings, and he must have been quite a complex person.