Yesterday we took our daughter and both granddaughters to a historic house and gardens, and the weather was perfect and the girls had a lot of fun. Last night our other daughter and her boyfriend, plus our younger son came for dinner. But there are tensions and anger and as much as I've said I won't be put in the middle, that is what happens. Our two older kids have a conflict about the cabin next week, and though we asked them to clear up the plans, they basically won't speak to each other about it. Each feels put upon and angry at the other, and I cannot fix this. So what I'd hoped would be a good week with my daughter and granddaughter is threatening to be upsetting and awkard, if not a disaster.
I'm going to have to face the fact that the visit I dreamed of will not happen. I went to my Buddhist study group this morning, and though I felt teary, managed to appreciate the group and my practice. Tomorrow I will go to my local meditation and dharma talk, which may ease me further. Tonight we have a dear friend coming for dinner, which will be good.
Four kids is a lot of potential conflict, and I'm afraid I've somehow made things worst in my parenting. I just want to love them all and not take sides, and I pray they can put some effort into resolving their difficulties. I know I feel punished by this behavior, and powerless to change it without some willingness on their parts.
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