I'm going to meditation this morning, and had study group yesterday, and finished a Buddhist book last night by Adyashanti. So I feel kind of like my strings have been tuned and my guitar is humming. The more the study group focuses on Shantideva's chapter on patience, the more I see the ways in which I get impatient, and try to push myself to "sum up" or categorize or label, instead of staying with "Don't know". I am attempting to sit with contradictory feelings without needing to come to resolution, which always leaves things out. Thus I've had more times recently when I cry and then have a moment of laughter and move on. I'm not clinging to a feeling, and I'm not pushing a feeling away. That's progress.
Maybe in an essay I need to indicate broad trends and have points of argument, but in real life it can just be messy. Really messy.
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