Saturday, August 31, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 31, 2013

My husband hadn't seen the sci-fi film Elysium, so he and I went to a matinee yesterday afternoon.  Again, I cried at the end, for the image of the mother and her daughter, where the med bed can heal her daughter from leukemia.  I'd like a device like that for my daughter, where she is instantly healed, instead of going through all the treatments she is facing.  I love the messages in the movie, both political, about health care and class, and the image of how earth looks from above:  so beautiful and and pristine.   We need to remember life is a beautiful gift, no matter what the struggles.

I finished a book by Benjamin Black last night, Holy Orders.  These mysteries are by the great writer John Banville, and are set in the 1950's in Dublin, with the protagonist being a doctor named Quirke.  This one attacks the Catholic Church, and the unlimited power and influence it wielded.  These books are dark, and psychologically complicated, with wounded characters and no language or information for what they are suffering through. 

Now I'm reading the Canadian writer Louise Penny's new book, "Where the Light Comes In", which is immediately engaging and the characters as comfortable as old friends.  I was waiting for this book for a month.  She is a treat.  I usually give away mysteries, but I've kept all Black's and Penny's.  Rereading them will be a treat.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 30, 2013

We had lunch with our younger son yesterday, then he and I shopped for books and found a couple, as usual.  When have I ever gone into a bookstore and not bought a book?  Never happened.  Yesterday was real summer weather and I love it but am conflicted, as warmer temperatures must not be good for putting out the fire.  They say it may be contained by Sept 10, but that seems like a long time away. 
Yesterday I put out clothes for our trip.  Yes, my husband's as well.  I pick out what I want to see him in, because his choices can be weird, as well as strange for the weather.  I pack pretty efficiently now.  My model is my older daughter, who can pack a small bag and make it work.  All the kids are better than we are.  I think it is a generational thing.  So anyway, I lay the clothes out on the spare bed, thinking it over a couple of days, then I get down the suitcases, then check my list and finally, a day before, pack and see if it all fits.  We have fairly small rolling bags, so sometimes it doesn't, and the culling process begins.  My weak points are shoes and jackets.  This time I'm attempting to get by with a  shell raincoat, a sweater jacket, and a cotton unlined car coat.  We shall see. 

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 29, 2013

I had a nice afternoon with my foster granddaughter.  First she bungled around the schoolyard for twenty minutes, then we went to the library and she found some books.  We were looking for dog training books, because she is getting a dog Friday.  It is a beagle/terrier mix.  Then we went to a pet store to check out the kittens and bunnies.  I fell in love with a white cockatoo who was really social and responsive.  She was white with yellow under her wings and tail, and could fluff up her "do" and was listening attentively to everything I said.  That's the first time I've been so attracted to a bird.  We bought some treats and two toys for the new dog and two toys for my dogs.  Then we checked out the toy store and the book store.  We found a dog training book and a chapter book for her about being a vet, and I bought the new Louise Penny mystery.  Then we headed home and played a 45 minute game of UNO - she won - and she collected snails from my front porch for her snail collection - I was happy to lend her some of mine, and we watched part of one of our favorite films "Ramona and Beezus" and then I drove her home, where her baby sister yelled "Mom!" loudly, her new achievement. 

Then my husband and I had salads and watched the Obama interview on PBS.  I retired to our bedroom to read my mystery and relax.  A nice day.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 28, 2013

Today I pick up my foster granddaughter from school.  I haven't seen her in a while, as she had a busy summer and I did as well.  It will be great to catch up and hear about third grade and her summer.  This means Fall has definitely arrived.  Labor Day weekend is looming and after that le deluge.  This morning is overcast, but I assume the sun will come out later.  I had a bunch of phone calls yesterday with friends and family, which always feels good.  I'm grateful for my network.  My gratitude journal has become a comforting habit right before bedtime, giving me perspective.  It eases me to not tell "story" and keep my life as multifaceted as it truly is.  All these lovely beings in my life are treasures.  To keep attached requires empathy and pain, but it's worth it, and it is what being alive is all about.


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 27, 2013

I had a nice time taking my friend for her first outing after surgery.  She wanted to see the film "Blue Jasmine", so I picked her up and we really enjoyed it.  As usual with Woody Allen, the acting is what is watchable, not the story.  Cate Blanchet is pretty much the whole enchilada, and she is amazing.  Sally Hawkins is great as well, but there is a condecension in Allen towards females that is always present, and I never like it.  But Blanchet is a complete character, even if somewhat ridiculed by the plot and writing.  Her fate is harrowing, especially because of her and her sister's background, though that may have been a cheap touch.  She may very well get the Oscar this year.

Our dogs were horrible last night, as a result we got no sleep and it's going to be a bumpy ride today, as Margo Channing would say.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 26, 2013

It seems to have softly rained last night.  Just a little bit, but enough to wet everything.  It's surprising, but then the whole weather pattern everywhere is unpredictable.  I'm just going to be grateful for any rain.  I feel our yard is looking pretty good, and the apples have stopped falling, so the dogs may enjoy good health for a while, until they figure out something new to get sick on.  I have errands to do and a two hour teeth cleaning, which I dread.  I'm going to do some errands, like finding a new Scrabble game, I'd just brought ours up to the cabin, as the old one there was falling apart.  Ironic, as we may lose the cabin and everything in it.  Life is weird.

I'm also shopping for some school stuff for my granddaughter.  Fall is fast approaching and you can feel it in the air and the stores and magazines are all about Halloween and Thanksgiving already.  It's ridiculous.  But it does have an impact on our thinking.  They are very successful, sad to say.


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 25, 2013

Our daughter called last night and the news was grim.  She's resolved, and I know she'll win this fight, but it's going to be a tough one.  My heart literally hurts.  I want to save her from this battle, and I cannot.  She is facing this alone, except for our love and prayers.

I went to meditation, and listened to a wise dharma talk.  I watch my fear grab hold of me then I embraced it like the old friend it is, and let it go. 

We had dear friends over last night for dinner, and their presence comforted us both, but somehow it exhausted me.  My anxiety wears me down.  I cooked Moroccan food, and it turned out well.  Fish tagine with couscous, and a bunch of chilled side dishes like carrots, beets, cucumbers, tomatoes with onions, navel oranges with black olives.  I adore that food.  The mediterrean diet rules!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Old Age Day by Day July 24, 2013

It looks like our cabin may get consumed in the raging fire nearby.  If the area burns, no one will rebuild.  Without the trees, the rentals, the marina, the ski area, there will not be any reason to do so.  The trees are the place.  I worry about the wildlife being consumed as we speak, unable to outrun the fire.  I think even birds are massively dying, as the flames and smoke are so high.  I'm grateful we had the cabin for 26 years, and have been going to that lake for forty years.  It will always be right there, the same, in my heart. 

This has really not been my most relaxing summer.  A dear friend and then our daughter fighting cancer.  Missing my retreat.  Rushing away early from a week at the lake with friends.  But it will all come round.  Our daughter and my friend will heal.  Over time the lake will heal and new growth begin and flourish.  Patience is the path.  And respect that in good time all will be well again.

I saw the film "Fruitvale Station" by myself yesterday afternoon, and it was beautiful and tender and true.  One boy's tragedy became our tragedy, and the value of an ordinary person's life was honored.  It was short, not preachy, just an ordinary day that became extraordinary, because the value of a life was not respected, and fear ruled the events.  I hope it is a lesson heeded by everyone.  It really is a great film, that transcends time and culture.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 23, 2013

I'm back early from the cabin, due to an out of control fire twenty miles away.  The soot, ash and smoke were too much for us, and we left yesterday afternoon.  It was so beautiful up there too.  Eighty in the day, cooler at night, perfect for swimming and with a full moon (blue moon).  I spent a lot of time meditating, walking the dogs, and speaking to friends on the phone.  I do feel more centered and focused.  Our younger son saw our older daughter and granddaughter and grandsons the first three days of this week, and it was so comforting to know he was there.  He sent two photos of our granddaughter playing with the marble roller coaster I'd sent up. 

I found comforting messages on my email this morning, and a delightful video of my daughter teaching up there as a writer in the schools.  It was thrilling to see her, so beautiful, articulate and wise.  I hope she is able to do the program again, maybe after her treatment this fall.  I am so proud of her.

The fire means our younger son probably won't get to stay up at the cabin next week, unless there is a miracle of containment that so far looks far fetched.  But there are thousands of fire fighters, National Guard, etc battling it out.  I pray none of them is harmed.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 17, 2013

We talked to our daughter by phone yesterday afternoon.  She's woosy, but sounds good.  Now we wait for a week to hear the results and treatment plan, and in the meantime she rests and our younger son is coming to visit, and we are going to the cabin to pull ourselves together.  I need to calm down and pray and rest.  This is a long haul.  The stress needs major management.  I am going to center myself as best I can.  Thank goodness for all my friends and their kindness and support.  And our daughter has the same where she is.  So we are fortunate people.  Gratitude is in order and I'm feeling it mightily.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 16, 2013

I opened my email and discovered that my daughter's surgery was moved up to yesterday and no one told us.  So it's all over, and she was probably having surgery while I was crying at my therapist's and then came out and fell on my face on the sidewalk.  I have a split lip, cheek abrasion and abrasions on my hands and left knee.  No wonder I was out of balance.  Something profound was happening to my daughter and I didn't even know.

She's fine, according to her husband's email.  It went well and no nasty surprises.  She's resting.

I guess I will still go and sit with my friend, to send healing thoughts and prayers her way.  She still has treatment to face, and resting and garnering her strength is essential. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 15, 2013

I bought a gratitude journal yesterday and am going to write every day in it.  In Buddhism, gratitude is the antidote to fear.  And I am grateful for so much in my life, and yesterday I was glad my husband returned to be by my side while we worry our heads off about our daughter.  He can be so sensible and steady, not always, but he's pretty good in a crisis. 

We watched a strange movie with Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn last night, Sea of Grass.  Tracy was wooden and an awful character, but Hepburn was transcendent.  It was very melodramatic, and set in New Mexico.  I don't think I'll be seeing that one again.  But then strange is the state we're in right now, still in shock, knowing our daughter's surgery is tomorrow, not being there by decree, and waiting for news.  I am going to pray and walk with my friend tomorrow morning, and I know my friends will be thinking of her as well.

We will hold her in our hearts, and protect her.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 14, 2013

Our daughter's surgery is scheduled for Friday.  I wish I could be there, but I'd probably only make it  harder on her.  Her husband is very organized and will keep us all well informed.  I hope her discomfort is minimal and I'm sure she will heal quickly, she's so young and strong.

In the meantime, I can only pray and send positive energy her way.

Yesterday I had a nice lunch outside at a cafe with my son, and then dinner with a dear friend, who herself is a survivor of breast cancer.  I'm so fortunate in my family and friends.

I just now got a phone call from our daughter's husband, and we had a long and tender conversation.  He loves her completely, and he so protective with her.  She will be fine, but they will be treating the cancer aggressively.  So she's in for a tough time. 

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 13, 2013

I was anxious all night because my daughter did not call after her appointment with the oncologist, but there was an email this morning.  She's scheduled for surgery at the end of this week.  Then they'll know more.  My friend saw her surgeon yesterday, and I'll call today to find out when her surgery is scheduled.  The 2nd and 3rd biopsies turned out to be cancerous as well, so that was bad news.  I feel so bad for her.

All I know to do is pray and sit and talk with friends.  Waiting is the order of the day.  Waiting for surgery, for the results, for how my daughter feels at each stage, waiting to see if I can be of any use.  In the meantime, I'm plowing through heavy feelings and fears.  This is love. 

Monday, August 12, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 12, 2013

I spoke with friends on the phone most of yesterday.  Everyone has our daughter in their prayers.  I went to my friend's birthday party and that felt good to get out a bit.  Today my daughter and I are going to shop and put together a little care package for our older daughter.  Our younger son is heading up that way this week for a wedding, and he can drop it by.  At least it gets me doing something semi useful. 

I guess my husband's bird walk was a bust.  They didn't see many birds at all.  And the dogs are driving him crazy waking up at night.  But it's still worth it to him for the chance to sit on the deck and stare at the lake and feel the warmth.  We are continuing our winter weather here.  It's disgusting.  At least in the afternoon it gets sunny, but not really warm.  Next week I'll be at the cabin, and I can't wait.  I need a hit of summer.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 11, 2013

I drove to mediation this morning to discover it is the one Sunday in the year when they don't have it, as the retreat is this week.  I've been so distracted by my daughter's news that I completely forgot.  Oh, well, I know how to meditate at home, and bought a book yesterday about Zen master Dogen, so I can read that for a dharma talk.  But I was sad and sorry for myself on the way home.  Then I called a friend, and we're getting together later.  I also have a potluck tonight, so there is plenty to cheer me.

I watched 2 movies last night:  "Man on a Ledge" and "Mud".  The first was boring, and the second interesting and surprising.  In between I had a hot bath.  What a glamorous life I lead!  I had a Trader Joe's salad for dinner and tomatoes.  I'd already splurged for lunch:  chicken vindaloo and naan, my favorite meal.

I hope my husband is enjoying his bird walk up at the cabin.  The rangers only have two each summer, and this is the last.  He's been really enjoying looking at birds, so much so that I bought him a bird book to describe the birds he spots.  My eyesight makes it harder for me, but the birds up there are colorful and interesting.  Lots of woodpeckers and hummingbirds, and tanagers, juncos and and wilson's warblers.  Plus ravens and jays.  Then there are ospreys and bald eagles, so it's never dull.  I hope he sees something truly exciting today.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 10, 2013

I'm waiting to talk to my daughter about her visit with her surgeon yesterday.  It is so hard to be far away, feeling like I'm bugging her but needing to know what he said.  Last night I felt strongly I would take this burden from her if I could, go through the surgery and treatment myself.  She's too young and I don't want her to suffer.  I am powerless.  I know she's strong and brave and fierce.  But I'd rather she was busy being giggly, silly, goofy and having fun.  Hopefully, she'll have some of that too.  And she has her new husband by her side supporting her.  She also has many friends who love and support her. 

There is an air of unreality, like this couldn't be happening.  Probably for her as well.  It is so sudden, so unexpected, and then your life changes.  Surprise and change is the rule, but we block out that fact, even those of us practicing Buddhism daily.  Change is the stuff of life, but we resist, because we don't like the unknown.  But the unknown is just what is about to happen in the next moment.  It is not inherently fearful.  I know my daughter will come out on the other side of this treatment.  I just wish she was already finished with it and on with her life. 

Friday, August 9, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 9, 2013

I saw that my older daughter tried to call me yesterday afternoon when I was gone, so I tried returning the call when I returned.  I thought she was letting me talk to my granddaughter before she was off for two weeks with her daddy and his family.  When she called again last night, it was to say she'd had a biopsy and was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was stunned.  She's young, there is no history in the family, she's the picture of health.  And the coincidence of my supporting my friend through her cancer seemed strange.  I know my daughter will be fine, but as with my friend, only much more powerfully, I feel the agony of such a diagnosis, the uncertainty, the discomfort, and long months ahead.  I saw all this with my own mother, her suffering papable, though neither of her cancers resurfaced or caused her death many years later.  I would spare my daughter this anxiety, if I could.  She's too young, with a young daughter, and a brand new husband.  Today she learns from the surgeon what the plan is, and her treatment will begin.  I've offered to come up, but with her daughter away, she probably feels better with her husband and friends.  I'm available, as is my husband, when we are needed.  In the meantime, I'm praying that the surgery goes smoothly, the treatments kindly, and the experience of the next six months or so goes past as painlessly as possible.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 8, 2013

Our son called last night and said he'd torn a ligament in his calf.  His friend took him to the emergency room and so far it looks like if he ices it and keeps off it (he has crutches) it will heal, but he was going on his 3 week vacation next week, so I feel bad if it messes up the trip he has been looking forward to.  Only time will tell.  It's one of those things with grown kids that you feel a bit helpless and disoriented because they are not under your wing, in the nest, and you just want to serve them in bed and take care of them.  I will call today and see if I can bring groceries or do anything to make it easier on the resting thing.

When he was in New York, he had to have surgery and said he'd be fine, and I got on a plane and flew out and stayed with him a few days until he was better.  We had fun and I knew he needed someone, but he's a lot older now, and it's hard to know how not to be in his way or bugging him.  There needs to be a rule book!

It rained again last night very lightly, but strangely.  The newspapers haven't acknowledged any percipitation and it's as if it's only raining over our house.  I guess that could be, but why?  What is someone up there trying to tell us?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 7, 2013

I've had a walk with a friend this morning.  It rained lightly part of last night, which was a huge surprise.  The plants needed it.  The overcast thing is dreary, though.  I'll be grateful to get up to the cabin maybe next week or for sure the week after.

I'm reading a pretty funny book about a writer's agent who has a mysterious guy sabotaging the agency.  It's a good insider's look at publishing, and the characters are delightful.  Good escape fiction.  I actually think I'm developing some compassion for literary agents.  Or it may be the lingering effects of the flu. 

My husband is deeply engrossed in Dan Brown's new book.  It is a fun read, and with the setting in Florence, what's not to like?  I have persuaded him to read some mysteries, and he especially loves Craig Johnson's, set in Wyoming and very funny and well plotted.  I've been waiting for Louise Penny's new book to arrive, as I love her mysteries, set in Quebec.  Canadian writers rule.  Alice Munro is the best short story writer on the planet, and I've always adored Margaret Atwood.  Maybe I'll discover some new writers during our week in Vancouver.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 6, 2013

I went with my friend last night to laughter yoga, and it was fun.  There were about ten people, and it was on the grass by the lake, and it worked out to be healthful and relaxing.  Then we went to a tavern and had a beer and burger.  I was uncomfortable sleeping, because I'm not used to eating that late and I need a few hours to digest, but it was worth it catching up with my friend, whose daughter was married last month.  It was nice to be out at night, the second night in a row.  At our age, we have to be super careful about where we go and what we do. 

Today I'm picking up another friend after her biopsies.  I hope this time her pain is mitigated and she is much more comfortable.

I ate a bunch of lychees for breakfast.  I love them.  I never remember when the season is, then I go to the store one day and there they are, the little rosy, bumpy skinned fruits, with the juicy white flesh inside and the slippery black seed.  I buy them canned the rest of the year.  What a treat!

Monday, August 5, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 5, 2013

Today is the date our lab before the two we have now was born.  We always used to celebrate his birthday up at the cabin.  His ashes are up there.
It's also the date my best friend in my twenties killed herself.  She left two little kids and a hole in my heart.  I knew she was thinking of it and begged her husband to get her help, but he didn't like psychiatrists because his brother was one, and he thought it was all a bunch of nonsense and melodrama.  She shot herself with her brother's gun and her kids ran in the room and found her.  I was not told about it until she was buried.  She's in Salt Lake City, but I don't know where.  I still talk to her sometimes when I'm in the car alone.  I wrote an entire book about it.  You don't get over trauma like that.  I never forget the date, though it's been 37 years.  I miss her still. 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 4, 2013

My baseball team played a very satisfying game yesterday, and it was televised, so I saw the last part of it.  They bunted to perfection, and rattled the other pitcher.  It was fun to watch.  I'm getting a bit sick of being an invalid, but still have the cough and am not over this sucker yet.  I'd like to DO something. 

I finished a very strange cowboy kind of mystery last night.  Not my usual cup of tea, but I got gripped by the plot.  It reminded me of old Stephen King like "The Shining".  Good versus evil, with good killing a whole lot of bad, which kind of confuses the issue.  But it does get you thinking:  are there people who are evil, and if there are, is it environment, genetics or an aberation of nature?  I don't much believe in black and white, except for acts people perpetrate.  People themselves I like to think of us temporarily insane, or so abused they are caught in a cycle, but redeemable, ultimately.  But maybe some few people are born without all the components of humanity.  Reading the newspapers catches me up sometimes in this line of thinking. 

I'd like to go to meditation this morning but it's too unwise, with the cough and the need to blow my nose occasionally.  I can listen online, and save innocent people possible exposure.  But I miss being there and the energy of the place.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Old Age Day by Day July 3, 2013

Another gloomy morning, and the paper says it will continue all next week.  It's hard to start the morning without a little sunshine.  But I've had my fruit shake, V-8 and tea, and I'm ready to vacuum or do something useful.  I'm not 100% yet, but I think I ought to move a bit more, or I'll just turn into a slug. 
I had a good long talk with my friend last night.  We're both a bit under the weather, and it helps to have a buddy to complain to.  Two of my other friends have birthdays next week, and I've got to get out enough to find cards and gifts.  Many of my friends are in the same quadrant of the year as myself, so it's kind of strange.  We're all shifting around the same time to a new reality of a year older.  I generally feel two things:  amazed I have made it this long and grateful and celebratory.  My husband feels low around his birthday.  But this year he has planned a trip for us and that is a lovely change.  He may even be coming around to the gratitude thing, or at least making the best of getting older.  His elderly grandparents certainly took him on fabulous trips at our age, so he knows that you can still have fun and see new places.  In fact, on our trip we are going to a city he saw first with them, when they were our age.  Now he's showing it to me.  I think that's a reason for gratitude.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 2, 2013

I slept much better last night and think I'm on the mend, and probably no longer contagious.  It's just a question of taking care of myself so I don't relapse.  This is, of course, self diagnosis, but it's cheap.  I really got a flu kind of thing, because it swept through me like a wildfire.  And now I promise not to discuss it further.

Last night, my husband and I watched the 70's movie Klute.  Jane Fonda really is brilliant in it, though she's not a favorite of mine.  She deserved the Oscar she received.  Her vulnerability and self destructiveness are palpable.  Ironically, in real life she continued to look to others to save her, especially men.  Now she's beyond that, but it took a lot of sublimating her true self to some man's desire to reach a point of standing on her own.  I don't like her second Oscar, for Coming Home, because she condescended in her acting to the character she portrays.  Her politics are emeshed in that acting.  But the first one, for Klute, I acknowledge.

The 70's were ridiculous, and the party scenes in Klute are funny from this perspective, but pathetic.  That self abuse and neglect were considered cool, and still are, seems sad.  I was never a part of such a world, as I had too much common sense, and people who did this looked like losers to me, and stupid as well.  I'm lucky I was loved enough and valued myself enough to be able to say no.  Most importantly, I had children, and I considered them first, not that I didn't see others with kids being "free".  I assume they have a lot of regrets now.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Old Age Day by Day August 1, 2013

It's August, already!  Wasn't I going to do all kinds of exciting things this summer?  Wasn't it supposed to BE summer this summer?  Instead, the fog and overcast in the morning, socks and jacket required.  If I was at the cabin, it would be summer, but I've got this flu, as if it's midwinter.  I am feeling better, thanks to my trusty drops, which my husband says are from geranium plants.  If I'd known that, I would have just eaten some on my patio.  I have friends who have fun ideas, but I'm not sure I'm well enough.  Maybe next week.  My zombie state will have to continue a while longer.

My friend brought her little dog home from the vet hospital yesterday.  It is to be seen if he will ever use his hind legs again, and he's so young.  I'm praying the surgery ultimately has relieved his spine enough that he can heal and walk again.  He's such a lively little fellow.

I was reading in the paper about an accident in Mount Lassen Park up north.  A wall fell on two children and killed one of them.  The rangers knew it was unstable, but had not put a warning out.  What a horror for the boy's family, and how easily preventable.  Yet we know the parks are underfunded and understaffed, and everywhere are places that should be fixed or closed but aren't.  Where our cabin is are so many dangers and so little staff that it's a miracle more people aren't killed.  They assume they're in Disneyland, but they are in a space funded or not by them, and the numbers of people are overwhelming, each of them demanding more than ten times the rangers could possibly handle.  The rangers contract out to a corporation to get most of the functioning done, and it's amazing they do as well as they do.  My heart breaks for the little boy and his family, trusting nature, the park service, and feeling they are protected, until the moment they realize there are holes in the walls, chinks in the armor, no invisible hands waiting to save innocents.  I think parks should be closed if they are not kept up.  And that would perhaps put pressure to fund and staff these wilderness places adequately to keep such tragedies from occurring.