Old Age Day by Day December 22, 2013

Every bone in my body aches today, and it was so worth it!  I loved my own party and had a great time, seeing friends, cooking, feeling festive and lucky in my life.  The food was a success and my husband, son and I were all grins after the last guest left and we had put away leftovers.  No even the daunting array of pots and pans to wash could dampen our spirits.  It was a big effort, and with big rewards.

Of course, today I had to finish putting stuff away, then go to 3 grocery stores to get the stuff for Christmas Eve and Day.  I'm numb with exhaustion, but what a nice feeling it is, in service to friends being together and sharing conversation, food and joy of the season.

Old Age Day by Day December 21, 2013

It's the shortest day of the year - but that means tomorrow the days will be getting longer1  Yeah!  I am ready to roll!  Winter Solstice is when I like to have my party and today is no exception.  I have tons of food to prepare and need to cut my eight batches of Irish Soda Bread into squares.  It's a party, and I'm in the mood.  I love to see my friends and open my house and heart to all.

Old Age Day by Day December 20, 2013

I finished reading Ann Patchett's "This is a Happy Marriage" last night.  It's selections from her magazine articles over the years, and some are more interesting than others, but I did end up with a strong sense of who she is as a person, and her loyalty to friends and family.  It was a good glimpse into a writer's life, and how she manages to write and still be engaged in the world around her.  And I was intrigued by her struggle to not repeat her family's divorce tradition.  She did marry young and then divorce.  Then is avoided marriage a second time.  Then she was involved with someone for eleven years before agreeing to marry him.  Her determination to not have children never faltered.  Did that help her have the time to write?  It does seem very nineteenth century, to give up marriage and children to be able to have a creative life.  But it is also true that having both is challenging, and many of my successful writing friends waited until they had a couple of books under their belt before they had kids.  It's clear Patchett thought the two were incompatible for herself.  Her last piece is about a nun, and one suddenly sees how Catholicism, renunciation, and devotion have shaped her life.  She could have been a nun, she was a kind of writing nun for many years.  She admires the good and the simple, while being neither herself, and needs to believe in the honor of sequestering.  I'm sure I will think quite a bit about the book.

Her formula for a happy marriage?  She said when she was young a woman told her:  Ask yourself if you are a better person with him and he with you.  She has lived by that measure.

Old Age Day by Day December 19, 2013

My foster granddaughter was amazing!  She made quick decisions (no iron on patch on this, the cupcake patch on that), she stuffed pillows, she wrote all the gift tags, she packed, and like Santa, she had a huge plastic bag full of gifts for her family.  One final pillow she wanted to give to my granddaughter, and she labeled it and left it for when my granddaughter arrives.  And she wanted to include me in the "from" of the gift tag.  Very sweet, very mature. I can see her turning nine in six months, she's growing up before my eyes.

We had dinner with our friend last night at her house she just bought, and it was already cosy and inviting, with her dog and cat snuggled on their beds, and the living room set up.  In the dining room were boxes, but she's done so well with the transition.  She hasn't sold her house up north, but it's been watched and taken care of, so hopefully, next spring, there will come a buyer.  We had a comfort food meal of butternut squash, kale and chicken, with rhubarb crisp for dessert.  Her neighborhood was quiet and beautiful.  How happy I felt to see her all settled.

Today begins a lot of hard work for the holiday party, but mixed in with seeing my therapist.  I need my head screwed on straight, and she's just the person to help me.  The mind needs constant fine tuning, or the channels get crossed and static blares out.

Old Age Day by Day December 18, 2013

Yikes!  It's the 18th!  Christmas is coming around the bend like a runaway train.  I hope I'm ready.  Right now I'm concentrating on our holiday party, but it's also my foster granddaughter's piano and voice recital this week and her school choir concert.  Also, we're going to a friend's for dinner tonight, and there is grocery shopping and much cooking to do.  Oh, me, oh, my.

In the spirit of Christmas I watched "Lady in the Water" with my husband last night.  I can't stand the film, but my husband adores it.  This, in a nutshell, explains our marriage.  We are a marriage of opposites.  I like to read, write and see foreign films and eat ethnic food.  He likes to do puzzles, sudoku, watch Disney and Tom Clancy films and eat meat and potatoes.  We practically need an interpreter for conversations and each thing we do together is a negiotiation.  I feel I now have high diplomatic skills.  At least I've learned to be generous.  For instance, I saw "Catching Fire" with him, and he thanked me profusely afterward, knowing how Hunger Games is not my cup of tea.  I have seen a couple of Harry Potter films with him, being of a noble cast.  He has read several of the hundreds of books I've recommended, and even loves Craig Johnson's Longmire books now.  The ethnic food thing:  well, he always claims to have stomach upset after, so I now go out by myself or with friends for that.  He even thinks Chinese food is ethnic.  It makes for a limited palate.

But we've been together over forty years, so Mars and Venus must have some similarities. 

Old Age Day by Day December 17, 2013

What happened to M. Night Shamalayan?  Last night we watched "Signs", my favorite of his movies, and we own "Sixth Sense", "The Village", "Unbreakable" and "Lady in the Water" (my husband's favorite).  But then catastrophe hit.  He made the horrible one my daughter and I saw where everyone is committing suicide because of the trees revenge, then kiddie movies, then a vanity project with Will Smith and his son, which was universally bombed.  I have a theory that he ran out of ideas.  He should have stepped back from the screenplay and concentrated on directing alone.  It's sad.  Maybe too much fame too fast.  All the films depend heavily on the one idea, and perhaps that is dangerous.  For me every one of them seems thin except "Sixth Sense" and "Signs",  is redeemed by large doses of humor, the incredible acting of Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Cherry Jones, and tiny Abigail Breslin. 

Every time I think of Phoenix, Rory Calkin and Abigail Breslin in their aluminum foil hats so the aliens can't read their minds I laugh.  Yet, the film is also about grief and forgiveness and faith.  It's beautiful.  It almost makes the viewer believe that everything has a purpose.  Gibson is now in shadow, and Phoenix has struggled with demons, but Breslin is in her ascendance.  What an array of talent in one movie!

Old Age Day by Day December 16, 2013

My friend and I went to see Judy Collins yesterday, and was she ever terrific!  She's got a huge mane of white hair now, but is still slim and gorgeous, with those ice blue eyes.  Her voice is still excellent, and she gave a very generous show.  We had both seen her when we were young, and it was delightful to see her going strong at seventy plus.  It was also just fun to do something like that on Sunday afternoon, instead of shopping or reading.  My friend is spontaneous and enthusiastic, and it means we do a lot of fun things spur of the moment.  She makes my life more interesting.

Last night we watched a Wes Anderson film, Darjleeng Limited.  I am a huge fan of his movies, and my husband must have been in a goofy mood, because he suggested seeing it, as he never had.  I especially like this movie.  Three brothers, ignored and wounded by their parents, attempt a spiritual journey in India.  Though they do everything possible to create a disaster, in the end, they do heal a bit and learn what they need to learn.  It gives me a kick that their mother, played by Angelica Huston, looks like she would be their mother, maybe except for Jason Swartzman.  Adrian Brody is surprisingly touching in this film, and the center of the power of the acting.

I'm looking forward to the new Wes Anderson coming out, with Ralph Fiennes.  It looks hilarious.

Old Age Day by Day December 15, 2013

In our discussion group yesterday we discussed the effects of aging.  The cognitive effects, the little signs that our memory is not what it was.  This is difficult territory, yet because we have our Buddhist practice, we all are willing to be curious and not close down out of fear.  That is a huge gift.  Sharing our concerns puts us all the the same boat, and though that boat is ultimately the Titanic, it's so comforting to be together going down.  As Anne Morrow Lindbergh said, "Old age is not for sissies".

Slowing down definitely helps with memory and aging, and not multitasking.  Asking for help is wise.  Writing stuff down right when you think of it is good.  Then, when all that doesn't work, forgive yourself, laugh, and move on.

Old Age Day by Day December 14, 2013

I think the tree looks great, mostly because of my husband's efforts.  He does the heavy lifting, the tightening the base and this year most of the decorations.  I'm vertically challenged and with a bum foot this year, he really was the tree guy.  I love the smell of the tree - a Noble Fir - and the garlands (cedar) and the greens on the mantels and elsewhere.  Very woodsy.

Today I have my Buddhist study group, and I always get a lot out of the discussion.  Then I believe it is time to start wrapping, and organize stocking stuffers.  The two bedrooms where stuff is strewn from stem to stern need cleaning up for our older daughter, her husband and our granddaughter arrive. 

My younger son and I had a successful outing at Costco yesterday, and even ordered two cakes at a bakery:  Bueche de Noel and a crazy green Christmas tree cake shaped like a tree.  Fun!

Old Age Day by Day December 13, 2013

Hummm.  Friday the 13th.  And it's a dreary morning, too.  Gray and gloomy, cold and no rain.  I have my space heater in the studio up full tilt.  I do have a room of my own, thank you very much Virginia Woolf.  I first had my own room when I put the two boys in bunk beds and deprived my toddler son of his room.  Then I went through seven years in Colorado without a space, writing in our family room cum bedroom.  Then one year back here before the older son went to college and I appropriated his room, but had my desk in our bedroom.  Then we moved here twenty years ago and I grabbed the tool shed out back.  It had two broken refrigerators in it, was painted six colors and had a dark room.  We hauled my desk out and I set up shop.  About fifteen years ago we had the shed redone, with a half bath, bookshelves lining the walls, and two young guys built me a beautiful desk, so I got rid of the one from a warehouse that my dad had found for me.  I have my own hut, hideaway, studio, shed.  I'm a lucky lady.

I also sew out here, and the table is strewn with material, thread, a sewing machine and all the half done projects with my foster granddaughter.  I love it!  I had to get rid of my mother's cabinet Singer sewing machine, and bought a portable at Target, which sits at the end of my table at all times.  So first Dad's desk, then Mom's sewing machine.  I hope people are using them and enjoying them.  Time moves on, and things move to new lives and stories.  I like that.

Old Age Day by Day Deceember 12m 2013

Today I go to a hardware store for a bulb replacement emergency.  Every year, my husband strings up the lights and discovers which have gone dead.  I also need that cottony stuff that passes for snow and a few other little things to complete our decorating, which is pretty simple but still.  It takes time.

Then I'm going with a friend to shop a bit and I'm happy to go along to have the fun of chatting on the ride.  Tonight we see a play with our friends, so it's a full day, in such a nice way.

I saw in the paper the SAG award nominations are out and "12 Years as a Slave" was up and others I like, but no "Fruitvale Station".  What a pity.  It was a terrific film with a great performance by Michael B Jordan.  I think these summer films just get forgotten, usually, except Cate Blancett's performance this year.  It was a mediocre film, but she was phenomenal.  I love reading about nominations and seeing the awards.  It's utterly trival, but entertaining.  And the dresses!

I did find a couple of heartening stories in the newspaper this morning:  a man wrongly in prison for 30 years got released, a family rescued with all well after two days, the story of the guy submerged in a boat who was surviving in an air pocket until he was rescued.  You've got to search, and ignore the tempting dark stuff, but I've mastered the art.  Also, I always read "Pickles" the comic.  That's my recipe for cheerfulness.

Old Age Day by Day December 11, 2013

Each day a few more holiday tasks get done.  Yesterday I had the pleasure of finding tiny treasures for my granddaughter's stocking, and some for my very grown up kids.  It's one of my favorite things to do.  When my kids were small, I loved designing a treasure hunt on their birthdays as well as hiding eggs at Easter.  I like rhyming the clue cards.  In my era, there were lots of treasure hunts, and we kids did them for each other.  Maybe I've got a pirate mentality, who knows?

I used to love ribbon candy at Christmas, but it's hard to find nowadays.  And the little hard candy discs with flower designs in the middle are gone.  I used to give my kids Life Saver Storybooks, but nobody has that kind any more, and no one much likes lifesavers.  And yes, we did get an orange in our stockings in my day, and I still adore navel oranges and can't wait until they come in the stores.  I have four in my kitchen right now, plus a bunch of tangerines.  I love the color, the smell, the taste.

I'm lucky I can ignore the video games and computer stuff, and just be an extra on the stage of Christmas.  I can find something and buy it on a whim.  When I was the major gift giver I felt I had a responsibility to fulfill their dreams, and buy things they wanted.  I took lists.  I searched stores (no on line in those days) for that one thing they wished for.  It took many hours and much effort and I had the stamina to do it.  Now I'm relaxing and savoring every holiday moment more.

Old Age Day by Day December 10, 2013

My fracture has healed and I can gradually take my boot off for increasing hours each day this week.  Yeah!  The podiatrist gave me a dozen warnings:  it will take a year for the foot to be completely healed, wear Keen boots and don't turn your foot, watch out for ice, etc.  What is it going to be like to have two matching socks and two matching shoes?  Cool.

I shopped after for stocking stuffers and then went out to lunch.  I'm not going to overdo it, but I'm happy to not have to wobble to the car in my boot, take it off, put on the shoe for driving, stop, put on the boot again, then repeat the process when I come back to the car. 

I had fun at the old fashioned toy store I favor looking at puppets, stuffies, games, doll clothes, baby toys (I needed to get one baby gift), and generally just have fun imagining all the delight many small children are about to experience.  I had fun in Whole Foods as well with adult stocking stuffers, as well as fudge and caramel sauces in glass jars. 

When I returned home my husband had brought up all the boxes of decorations, and we worked on that for while before lunch.  I love seeing the stuff again each year.  And I keep a critical eye out for stuff to get rid of.  This year I have extra enthusiasm because our granddaughter will be here.

Old Age Day by Day December 9, 2013

We had a social Sunday, with a brunch at a friend's house and dinner for our younger daughter's birthday.  There were four kids at the brunch including a 3 week old baby, and a great grandmother who is ninety.  I got to see people I seldom see and meet the baby.  It was super cold for us yesterday, and I ended up wearing my coat inside the house for a while before dinner.  I hope our outside plants survive.  It's supposed to be cold all week, but not quite as cold as yesterday.

Today we're getting our tree and begin the long process of dragging up the boxes of decorations, sorting through, and figuring out what's missing.  My poor husband does all the heavy lifting, and this year, with my bad foot, it will be even worse for him.  But we both like the transformation that gradually occurs, and he's especially keen on the tree.  I forget what I have tucked away, so there are usually pleasant surprises and memories triggered.  I keep all of the old pet stockings, which gives me an opportunity to think fondly of them again.

Old Age Day by Day December 8, 2013

Mostly, in the mornings, I have breakfast, read the paper and then tell my husband we're heading out to check my email in my studio.  "We" means me and my female dog.  She goes with me, checks out her pee mail then heads back in.  If I'm cooking, she's right under my feet.  How is it that our house is divided along gender lines?  The male dog watches sports with my husband, the female dog reads with me. Very strange.

Today we're going to a brunch in honor of a friend's mother's visit.  The mother is 90, and up until now has been living on her own, but now will live in my friend's house.  This woman is delightful, sharp, if melancolic, and I've known her twenty some years.  I'm glad she's agreeing to be taken care of, and I know the weather here, versus the east coast, will enable her to get out more.  My mother died so young, but I have a few close friends with parents in their nineties, and I've seen what a struggle it is to make sure they are safe and respect their independence at the same time.  It's tricky.

I'll be glad to see her again, and enjoy the pleasure of a mom who survived.

Then we're off to a restaurant to celebrate our younger daughter's birthday, which is tomorrow.  Lots of joy today.

Old Age Day by Day Deceember 7, 2013

Whoa!  I have been a shopping whirlwind today!  First I shopped with our daughter for boots and a sewing machine for her birthday, then we hit Target and Bev Mo, then we unloaded at home, and my husband and I went to Trader Joe's and the pet food store.  My mind is wired from my separate lists:  birthday, holiday party, Christmas gifts, dinners,  finishing cards, stocking stuffers etc.  It will all get sorted, as it does every year.

Our daughter took pictures of us and the dogs for our holiday cards.  I'm getting closer and closer to the cards being ready to mail out.  On Monday we're getting the tree, which will set off another flurry of activity.  I love it!

Last night we watched "Red Dust", an excellent BBC film about the truth and reconciliation commission in South Africa in 2000.  Chitel Edjefor and Hilary Swank star in it.  We thought it appropriate after Nelson Mandela's death.  The movie is powerful, beautifully acted and educational.  It asks powerful questions about forgiveness and history. 

Old Age Day by Day December 6, 2013

The dogs were restless last night.  My poor husband had to get up twice with them.  I let him sleep in this morning.  I guess a lifetime of small kids has prepared us perfectly for sleep disruption, and the dogs are continuing our tradition.  Unfortunately.

I'm getting a haircut today, overdue as usual.  Evidently, I first have to have my head look like a virtual typoon, then I get down to business and have the haircutter tame it.  I have boingy hair.

I also have a few errands.  I've bought the away gifts, wrapped them and must head to the post office to send them.  One step at a time!

Then I pick up my friend from radiation, drop her at home and meet another friend for lunch. 

It was supposed to rain today, but the sky is blue and the clouds, wherever they are, passed us by.

It is cold for us:  record low temperatures yesterday.  I wasn't warm enough in my down vest and sweater, so today I'll wear my down jacket.  We haven't had frost though.  Not yet.  This is definitely winter weather.  The setting is right for the holidays.

Old Age Day by Day December 5, 2013

We've been watching Frank Capra films to get us in the mood for the holidays.  "You Can't Take it With You", "Mr Deeds Goes to Town", "Mr Smith Goes to Washington" and the like.  I've seen "It's a Wonderful Life" a few too many times to see it again.  But I like Capra's socialist sentiments.  The other day I was talking to my husband about how he got away with being so left leaning, and he looked him up on the internet.  I was wondering if the McCarthy hearings were the reason he didn't seem to make films after the forties.  It turns out he was a conscientious objector in World War II, and the public turned against him for this and would not watch his movies.  It was highly unfair, because he served as a medic in harm's way in the war, he just refused to shoot people.  But his career was over though he lived many more decades.  His idealism and passion for democracy and the constitution are sorely needed now.

My foster granddaughter and I worked away on her presents then took a break and watched Shirley Temple's "The Little Princess".  She was curious about what the book said, as the versions are different (we had seen Cuaron's nineties version the two weeks before), and I'm going to hunt for the book for her today.  My husband and I debated the pros and cons of each version.  But Shirley Temple's acting was amazing.  She easily carried the whole film.  Where did that talent come from?  It was extraordinary!

Old Age Day by Day December 4, 2013

I addressed my holiday cards yesterday - one step at a time.  Next I will try to get a photo or two chosen, and after that write the notes inside.  I was sitting a long time, in my boot, and somehow the foot really hurt afterward.  I have no idea how to heal this fracture, or maybe it's the weirdness of walking in a boot or walking funny all the time.  I hope I'm not doing something wrong.  Patience, patience.

My husband and I bought the gifts for our granddaughter, who will be here after all on Christmas.  I'm plugging away each day now to get everything done in time.  There is a familiar pleasure in these tasks, and the focus is relaxing.  It helps that I love the season overall:  the music, the pine boughs, the tree, the food, the company.  My mother made the holidays special, and was as excited as a child herself.  Something must have gone right in her extremely poor childhood, and she could convey delight to us.  She also brought in many friends and family, always had a party before, and thus we were never four people, but many, many more.

Today I have my foster granddaughter, and we will continue making her gifts for her family.  I've got to get more stuffing for pillows before I pick her up. 

Old Age Day by Day December 3, 2013

My friend's visit was very nice, with lots of talk, two movies, eating out a few times, seeing a great art show, and shopping a bit.  It was great to have her around while making the Thanksgiving meal, and our dinner was so delightful, with all of our kids except our daughter-in-law, our older daughter, her husband and the three grandchildren.  We had our close friends and their younger daughter, her boyfriend, and their friend as well.  The meal was a veritable feast, and we lingered a long time.  I even had a bite of walnut pie and apple pie, though I'm not supposed to.  A couple of nights later my husband, friend and I had leftovers and it tasted even better.

It was my friend's birthday on Sunday, and the two of us went to a movie and a nursery to look at Christmas tree ornaments.  Then my husband and I took her out to a fancy place for dinner, and my food was perfection! 

Now I need to get myself in gear for a few immediate tasks and then the long work of a holiday party and Christmas Eve and Day.  We had happy news that our older daughter, her husband, and our granddaughter are coming for a week then.  We're thrilled.  Our grandsons will be with their mother, so we will miss them.

After my friend left yesterday I finished "The Goldfinch" by Donna Tartt.  It's a huge book, and it's taken me a while, but what a stunner.  So beautifully written and gripping, and profound.  I can't recommend it enough.  It's ironic, too, as I'd just seen the painting last summer, and of all the works in the show, I bought a print of that painting, and have had it in my studio to look at ever since.  It is an amazing work of art.  Modern yet timeless, painted in the 1600's.  It's unforgettable.