I stayed after rehearsal last night with some others to practice more, as our director was unhappy with our progress on the songs. I worked hard, and my back is bothering me today, and in a way, if I leave my ego out of it, I don't really care about our performance at all. I just love learning songs that I can sing to myself or my granddaughter. I like the process, not the product. I also am too old to worry about what the director thinks of me. By my own standards, I've learned a lot, sound good most of the time, and am off book for all but one Spanish song. I love practicing with the recording on my computer, and I adore the people in the chorus. That's it for me.
The director has to worry about how she looks as director of us. She feels she will be mortified. Then she should cancel the concert and wait until June, when we will have mastered the songs. We are grown ups, we can take it. But I think she is afraid of losing some chorus members or us not getting "our money's worth". She's torn, and disappointed and maybe even angry. These are her problems, not mine.
My job is right effort towards the concert, and yet, for me, the middle way in all things. I am not clinging to the concert, with nebulous expectations. I am in the present, grateful for learning these songs, the camraderie of the chorus members, the passion of the director, the daily pleasure of practicing and singing. In our culture, that is a bad attitude, but in my life, it leads to equanimity.
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