I've already had a brisk walk with one friend, and am about to have tea with another, and lunch with a third. How fortunate am I? Yes, I know girls can be mean, but my women friends have been the rock upon which my life has been built. And when a friend and I drifted apart, it was usually mutual, or a gentle disentanglement from an unhealthy situation. Sometimes we remind others of a person they have difficulty with, and that plays out and then we realize it (through therapy or gradual insight) and we disengage. I used to hang onto friends out of loyalty - whether they were good for me or not. I treat myself better now. I apply the scale. On balance - is this relationship good for me or miserable? With long time friends, I tend to tuck in, roll with the punches and wait it out. Newer people, I make decisions. I trust my feelings more.
But the biggest change is being kinder to myself; being my own advocate. I have decided (fanfare) that not everyone has to like me. I don't need to twist into a pretzel to be entertaining, more loyal, more thoughtful, more wonderful. I can just be who I am. And if it's a one way street in their direction, I quit. I need some energy thrown my way. I've relaxed so much from not needing all that "love" that isn't genuine because I'm not genuine. I laugh more. I don't get my knickers in a twist.
I'm quite a pill to swallow. If it feels good going down, fine. If it doesn't spit me out. I'm waterproof now.
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