In a week I go on retreat. I will be in silence for 10 days, and as much as I am a talkalot, I love the silence, because it means I drop down and all the social anxiety peels away. Even though I am usually unaware of it, social interaction takes its toll, and I am so empathetic that I easily lose myself when I'm around others. I love talking to people, but I'm doing a lot of work at the same time. On retreat, I get to observe what is going through my own mind, not anticipating what is going through another's. Life is simple on retreat - the routine is the same, the food, the weather, it is all deeply familiar, at this point, and there is an ease and relaxation in that. A comfort. The surprises are usually tiny insights while I'm doing walking meditation, or my responses to dharma talks, or how little things show up big.
I love the retreat, and I love my life outside of retreat. But the retreat gets my head screwed on right, so I can be conscious and have right intention in my ordinary world, where most of my living takes place. I am gearing up, do do battle with myself in the world, fighting impulses to counter with thoughtful, careful attention to my actions and how they may hurt or help myself or others. It's a basic training, but for kindness.
No comments:
Post a Comment