My husband and I had an interesting conversation over lunch yesterday. I was explaining that I have never been attracted to "authorities". (We had been talking about the Vatican and the contraception issue) As a child I felt injustice in the arbitrary (sometimes) power of my parents, and I was trained by them to ask questions and think for myself. My husband thought I meant I knew more than anybody else, but I clarified: I know more about MYSELF than anyone else. I ask for expertise, and love being a student, but about myself, I cede no power over to another. Yes, people can hurt me, yes, people can help me, but I am the one choosing to let in their opinions. I check everything I observe against my own feelings and experiences. I definitely have always thought of myself as spiritual, but I do not bow to the authority of any religion. My Buddhist path encourages me to look inside myself and trust me, which accords with my behavior all my life. I let myself learn from my mistakes in judgment and feeling. Life is a risk, and my life is unique. There is no formula that suits me completely. I have freely chosen to make my major intention to not harm myself or others. Because my heart has always pulled that way, and I do not wish to cause suffering to others. But I take all responsibility for this life and my actions, so I cannot rest in an authority or institution. I'm necessarily adversarial to rules and regulations of the conduct of human beings. I respect others choices, and wish for the same.
My husband and I have a long marriage, almost 38 years, but we are always finding new subjects to discuss and explaining each other differently. We are changing, have changed many times, and so we meet in this moment, and it's new and fresh. I love that secret about marriage.
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