Old Age Day by Day May 10, 2012

I'm going to my monthly therapy appointment today, and I still find it helpful to check in with her.  She has my complicated history and is a witness for me in my life.  Sometimes I go in thinking I have nothing to say, sometimes too much, but the experience is always useful.  Lately, I've been having more trouble sleeping, so something is brewing.  I'm sure she will help me get to the bottom of it.  One of the beauties for me of good therapy is that she is not judging me.  I judge myself pretty severely, so I need that model.  She's an antidote self criticism and doubt.  I feel better about myself when I examine an event or action through her eyes.  I may not agreed entirely, but I relax a bit.  This coming weekend is full of big events, including a graduation and Mother's Day.  The latter is ripe for self criticism and angst about how I might have done things differently, or behaviors I'm still not happy about around my kids.  I'm self examining, I guess you might say, and despite my intentions, some habits are still haunting me.  Love is easy, it's what does or doesn't come out of my mouth that I worry about.  The Buddhist goal of Right Speech is foremost in my mind a lot of the time.  It used to be that I was too impulsive, but now sometimes I feel I don't speak up when it would be beneficial.  Each act must be examined carefully for it's possibility to harm unintentionally.  Tricky business.