Old Age Day by Day April 30, 2010

Visiting my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter brought up memories of my hectic life working and taking care of four kids. They both teach, and their daughter has two different play/babysit arrangements, and inevitably you have to jump start a child who just wants to dawdle. She's happy to see her friends, but the stress is on her parents to keep that happiness first and foremost.

It's challenging, to say the least. I, fool that I am, went to graduate school two times, the first in my twenties with a one year old and the three year old, then a second time in my mid thirties, with three kids and at the time of graduation three months pregnant with the fourth. I know, crazy beyond belief. I no longer remember how I did it. I know I wrote my thesis from nine to ten every night, right after the kids were put to bed and right before I collapsed. I know my husband came back from his grad school for dinner and to get the kids to bed, then went back from nine pm to 2 am to do his research in the lab. And somehow we went on hikes to hear the elk mating calls, attended soccer games, bought new boots, cooked dinners and went to parties and poetry readings. We also belonged to a nuclear disarmament network and spent some Saturdays protesting in front of power plants. I have a newspaper photo of all of us, baby in stroller, waving placards and passing out fruit rollups to our kids.

I don't have that kind of energy anymore, but it feels like around our kids, we all just do it, and we just did it before Nike co-opted the rally cry of the beleaguered parent. I remember the strange little house on the prairie dress I wore for my MA reception, which was hiding child number four, and how I was the only one graduating with any kids, much less a herd. They had no idea what I did to get to class, teach two classes, and turn in every single paper on time. I was also trying to rescue my alcoholic brother, write a novel, and make sure our vegetable garden didn't die. I was Grounded. The real world had me in it's embracing, relentless arms, and the academic world was one I put second, but with focus that served me well.

Now I see my kids in two worlds as well, balancing, tipping over, pushing themselves upright, going on. Just do it. Because anything else is not real life.