I'm thinking I want to catch up with people who didn't send a holiday card - because so many of them I only connect with once a year. I accidentally dialed one friend, but couldn't really talk at that point, but tonight I'm going to attempt to reach her. There are a couple more friends I've not heard from as well. This card thing is a good reminder to me to keep up with people. Especially as, like all of us, I've lost addresses and not been able to find out what happened and regretted it. My friend, the one I'm for sure going to call, has had a really hard life, with a lot of blows she didn't deserve, and I know how hard she struggles to keep it all together. She lives two states away, so we don't see each other often - every few years, and yet we're simpatico when we do. I've been luckier. There is no doubt about it. Life is not fair.
I struggle not to feel guilty at my luck, and to be supportive even if the other person is not at her best. I'm not going to run away from a friend because I feel guilty. But it is hard, and I have to constantly examine my own motivation, to see if it's sincere and devoid of pity. I don't want to diminish my friend in any way. This is background work, and it has to happen before the call, so that we are sharing equally and I'm not problem solving or rescuing, as I'm prone to doing. There is a reason my Buddhist teacher makes me keep a toy ambulance on blocks on my altar.
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