Old Age Day by Day October 22, 2011

Last night we watched the DVD of Malick's Tree of Life, and this morning, I thought of how it shows anger moving from generation to generation, without even the barest consciousness of it.  The father is enraged at times, and takes it out on his sons, and the older son, angry at his father in childhood, carries it with him throughout his life.  Ironically, the father seems angry because he has not succeeded in the workplace the way he hoped, and he wants to instill in his sons the need to succeed.  But the son is successful, and the anger is still there.  Because we can pick up the anger habit, and not know we're doing it, or think we're doing it for good reasons.  And it causes so much unnecessary suffering for us and those around us.  I saw my Dad carry anger, and pass it on to his son, and I think my brother ever even knew where his rage was coming from.  My Dad was afraid of being unsuccessful, like his father, and his mother inflamed that disappointment.  But in reality, my grandfather was a sweet and loving man.  That should have counted for more.  My Dad was successful, but fearing the lack of success in his son, he left him with a feeling of being disappointing, a devastating way to feel.  There is plenty of suffering we cannot avoid in this life, but the anger habit is one that can change over time with awareness.  If it doesn't, the wake it leaves is like an undertow.