Old Age Day by Day December 22, 2013

Every bone in my body aches today, and it was so worth it!  I loved my own party and had a great time, seeing friends, cooking, feeling festive and lucky in my life.  The food was a success and my husband, son and I were all grins after the last guest left and we had put away leftovers.  No even the daunting array of pots and pans to wash could dampen our spirits.  It was a big effort, and with big rewards.

Of course, today I had to finish putting stuff away, then go to 3 grocery stores to get the stuff for Christmas Eve and Day.  I'm numb with exhaustion, but what a nice feeling it is, in service to friends being together and sharing conversation, food and joy of the season.

Old Age Day by Day December 21, 2013

It's the shortest day of the year - but that means tomorrow the days will be getting longer1  Yeah!  I am ready to roll!  Winter Solstice is when I like to have my party and today is no exception.  I have tons of food to prepare and need to cut my eight batches of Irish Soda Bread into squares.  It's a party, and I'm in the mood.  I love to see my friends and open my house and heart to all.

Old Age Day by Day December 20, 2013

I finished reading Ann Patchett's "This is a Happy Marriage" last night.  It's selections from her magazine articles over the years, and some are more interesting than others, but I did end up with a strong sense of who she is as a person, and her loyalty to friends and family.  It was a good glimpse into a writer's life, and how she manages to write and still be engaged in the world around her.  And I was intrigued by her struggle to not repeat her family's divorce tradition.  She did marry young and then divorce.  Then is avoided marriage a second time.  Then she was involved with someone for eleven years before agreeing to marry him.  Her determination to not have children never faltered.  Did that help her have the time to write?  It does seem very nineteenth century, to give up marriage and children to be able to have a creative life.  But it is also true that having both is challenging, and many of my successful writing friends waited until they had a couple of books under their belt before they had kids.  It's clear Patchett thought the two were incompatible for herself.  Her last piece is about a nun, and one suddenly sees how Catholicism, renunciation, and devotion have shaped her life.  She could have been a nun, she was a kind of writing nun for many years.  She admires the good and the simple, while being neither herself, and needs to believe in the honor of sequestering.  I'm sure I will think quite a bit about the book.

Her formula for a happy marriage?  She said when she was young a woman told her:  Ask yourself if you are a better person with him and he with you.  She has lived by that measure.

Old Age Day by Day December 19, 2013

My foster granddaughter was amazing!  She made quick decisions (no iron on patch on this, the cupcake patch on that), she stuffed pillows, she wrote all the gift tags, she packed, and like Santa, she had a huge plastic bag full of gifts for her family.  One final pillow she wanted to give to my granddaughter, and she labeled it and left it for when my granddaughter arrives.  And she wanted to include me in the "from" of the gift tag.  Very sweet, very mature. I can see her turning nine in six months, she's growing up before my eyes.

We had dinner with our friend last night at her house she just bought, and it was already cosy and inviting, with her dog and cat snuggled on their beds, and the living room set up.  In the dining room were boxes, but she's done so well with the transition.  She hasn't sold her house up north, but it's been watched and taken care of, so hopefully, next spring, there will come a buyer.  We had a comfort food meal of butternut squash, kale and chicken, with rhubarb crisp for dessert.  Her neighborhood was quiet and beautiful.  How happy I felt to see her all settled.

Today begins a lot of hard work for the holiday party, but mixed in with seeing my therapist.  I need my head screwed on straight, and she's just the person to help me.  The mind needs constant fine tuning, or the channels get crossed and static blares out.

Old Age Day by Day December 18, 2013

Yikes!  It's the 18th!  Christmas is coming around the bend like a runaway train.  I hope I'm ready.  Right now I'm concentrating on our holiday party, but it's also my foster granddaughter's piano and voice recital this week and her school choir concert.  Also, we're going to a friend's for dinner tonight, and there is grocery shopping and much cooking to do.  Oh, me, oh, my.

In the spirit of Christmas I watched "Lady in the Water" with my husband last night.  I can't stand the film, but my husband adores it.  This, in a nutshell, explains our marriage.  We are a marriage of opposites.  I like to read, write and see foreign films and eat ethnic food.  He likes to do puzzles, sudoku, watch Disney and Tom Clancy films and eat meat and potatoes.  We practically need an interpreter for conversations and each thing we do together is a negiotiation.  I feel I now have high diplomatic skills.  At least I've learned to be generous.  For instance, I saw "Catching Fire" with him, and he thanked me profusely afterward, knowing how Hunger Games is not my cup of tea.  I have seen a couple of Harry Potter films with him, being of a noble cast.  He has read several of the hundreds of books I've recommended, and even loves Craig Johnson's Longmire books now.  The ethnic food thing:  well, he always claims to have stomach upset after, so I now go out by myself or with friends for that.  He even thinks Chinese food is ethnic.  It makes for a limited palate.

But we've been together over forty years, so Mars and Venus must have some similarities. 

Old Age Day by Day December 17, 2013

What happened to M. Night Shamalayan?  Last night we watched "Signs", my favorite of his movies, and we own "Sixth Sense", "The Village", "Unbreakable" and "Lady in the Water" (my husband's favorite).  But then catastrophe hit.  He made the horrible one my daughter and I saw where everyone is committing suicide because of the trees revenge, then kiddie movies, then a vanity project with Will Smith and his son, which was universally bombed.  I have a theory that he ran out of ideas.  He should have stepped back from the screenplay and concentrated on directing alone.  It's sad.  Maybe too much fame too fast.  All the films depend heavily on the one idea, and perhaps that is dangerous.  For me every one of them seems thin except "Sixth Sense" and "Signs",  is redeemed by large doses of humor, the incredible acting of Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Cherry Jones, and tiny Abigail Breslin. 

Every time I think of Phoenix, Rory Calkin and Abigail Breslin in their aluminum foil hats so the aliens can't read their minds I laugh.  Yet, the film is also about grief and forgiveness and faith.  It's beautiful.  It almost makes the viewer believe that everything has a purpose.  Gibson is now in shadow, and Phoenix has struggled with demons, but Breslin is in her ascendance.  What an array of talent in one movie!

Old Age Day by Day December 16, 2013

My friend and I went to see Judy Collins yesterday, and was she ever terrific!  She's got a huge mane of white hair now, but is still slim and gorgeous, with those ice blue eyes.  Her voice is still excellent, and she gave a very generous show.  We had both seen her when we were young, and it was delightful to see her going strong at seventy plus.  It was also just fun to do something like that on Sunday afternoon, instead of shopping or reading.  My friend is spontaneous and enthusiastic, and it means we do a lot of fun things spur of the moment.  She makes my life more interesting.

Last night we watched a Wes Anderson film, Darjleeng Limited.  I am a huge fan of his movies, and my husband must have been in a goofy mood, because he suggested seeing it, as he never had.  I especially like this movie.  Three brothers, ignored and wounded by their parents, attempt a spiritual journey in India.  Though they do everything possible to create a disaster, in the end, they do heal a bit and learn what they need to learn.  It gives me a kick that their mother, played by Angelica Huston, looks like she would be their mother, maybe except for Jason Swartzman.  Adrian Brody is surprisingly touching in this film, and the center of the power of the acting.

I'm looking forward to the new Wes Anderson coming out, with Ralph Fiennes.  It looks hilarious.

Old Age Day by Day December 15, 2013

In our discussion group yesterday we discussed the effects of aging.  The cognitive effects, the little signs that our memory is not what it was.  This is difficult territory, yet because we have our Buddhist practice, we all are willing to be curious and not close down out of fear.  That is a huge gift.  Sharing our concerns puts us all the the same boat, and though that boat is ultimately the Titanic, it's so comforting to be together going down.  As Anne Morrow Lindbergh said, "Old age is not for sissies".

Slowing down definitely helps with memory and aging, and not multitasking.  Asking for help is wise.  Writing stuff down right when you think of it is good.  Then, when all that doesn't work, forgive yourself, laugh, and move on.

Old Age Day by Day December 14, 2013

I think the tree looks great, mostly because of my husband's efforts.  He does the heavy lifting, the tightening the base and this year most of the decorations.  I'm vertically challenged and with a bum foot this year, he really was the tree guy.  I love the smell of the tree - a Noble Fir - and the garlands (cedar) and the greens on the mantels and elsewhere.  Very woodsy.

Today I have my Buddhist study group, and I always get a lot out of the discussion.  Then I believe it is time to start wrapping, and organize stocking stuffers.  The two bedrooms where stuff is strewn from stem to stern need cleaning up for our older daughter, her husband and our granddaughter arrive. 

My younger son and I had a successful outing at Costco yesterday, and even ordered two cakes at a bakery:  Bueche de Noel and a crazy green Christmas tree cake shaped like a tree.  Fun!

Old Age Day by Day December 13, 2013

Hummm.  Friday the 13th.  And it's a dreary morning, too.  Gray and gloomy, cold and no rain.  I have my space heater in the studio up full tilt.  I do have a room of my own, thank you very much Virginia Woolf.  I first had my own room when I put the two boys in bunk beds and deprived my toddler son of his room.  Then I went through seven years in Colorado without a space, writing in our family room cum bedroom.  Then one year back here before the older son went to college and I appropriated his room, but had my desk in our bedroom.  Then we moved here twenty years ago and I grabbed the tool shed out back.  It had two broken refrigerators in it, was painted six colors and had a dark room.  We hauled my desk out and I set up shop.  About fifteen years ago we had the shed redone, with a half bath, bookshelves lining the walls, and two young guys built me a beautiful desk, so I got rid of the one from a warehouse that my dad had found for me.  I have my own hut, hideaway, studio, shed.  I'm a lucky lady.

I also sew out here, and the table is strewn with material, thread, a sewing machine and all the half done projects with my foster granddaughter.  I love it!  I had to get rid of my mother's cabinet Singer sewing machine, and bought a portable at Target, which sits at the end of my table at all times.  So first Dad's desk, then Mom's sewing machine.  I hope people are using them and enjoying them.  Time moves on, and things move to new lives and stories.  I like that.

Old Age Day by Day Deceember 12m 2013

Today I go to a hardware store for a bulb replacement emergency.  Every year, my husband strings up the lights and discovers which have gone dead.  I also need that cottony stuff that passes for snow and a few other little things to complete our decorating, which is pretty simple but still.  It takes time.

Then I'm going with a friend to shop a bit and I'm happy to go along to have the fun of chatting on the ride.  Tonight we see a play with our friends, so it's a full day, in such a nice way.

I saw in the paper the SAG award nominations are out and "12 Years as a Slave" was up and others I like, but no "Fruitvale Station".  What a pity.  It was a terrific film with a great performance by Michael B Jordan.  I think these summer films just get forgotten, usually, except Cate Blancett's performance this year.  It was a mediocre film, but she was phenomenal.  I love reading about nominations and seeing the awards.  It's utterly trival, but entertaining.  And the dresses!

I did find a couple of heartening stories in the newspaper this morning:  a man wrongly in prison for 30 years got released, a family rescued with all well after two days, the story of the guy submerged in a boat who was surviving in an air pocket until he was rescued.  You've got to search, and ignore the tempting dark stuff, but I've mastered the art.  Also, I always read "Pickles" the comic.  That's my recipe for cheerfulness.

Old Age Day by Day December 11, 2013

Each day a few more holiday tasks get done.  Yesterday I had the pleasure of finding tiny treasures for my granddaughter's stocking, and some for my very grown up kids.  It's one of my favorite things to do.  When my kids were small, I loved designing a treasure hunt on their birthdays as well as hiding eggs at Easter.  I like rhyming the clue cards.  In my era, there were lots of treasure hunts, and we kids did them for each other.  Maybe I've got a pirate mentality, who knows?

I used to love ribbon candy at Christmas, but it's hard to find nowadays.  And the little hard candy discs with flower designs in the middle are gone.  I used to give my kids Life Saver Storybooks, but nobody has that kind any more, and no one much likes lifesavers.  And yes, we did get an orange in our stockings in my day, and I still adore navel oranges and can't wait until they come in the stores.  I have four in my kitchen right now, plus a bunch of tangerines.  I love the color, the smell, the taste.

I'm lucky I can ignore the video games and computer stuff, and just be an extra on the stage of Christmas.  I can find something and buy it on a whim.  When I was the major gift giver I felt I had a responsibility to fulfill their dreams, and buy things they wanted.  I took lists.  I searched stores (no on line in those days) for that one thing they wished for.  It took many hours and much effort and I had the stamina to do it.  Now I'm relaxing and savoring every holiday moment more.

Old Age Day by Day December 10, 2013

My fracture has healed and I can gradually take my boot off for increasing hours each day this week.  Yeah!  The podiatrist gave me a dozen warnings:  it will take a year for the foot to be completely healed, wear Keen boots and don't turn your foot, watch out for ice, etc.  What is it going to be like to have two matching socks and two matching shoes?  Cool.

I shopped after for stocking stuffers and then went out to lunch.  I'm not going to overdo it, but I'm happy to not have to wobble to the car in my boot, take it off, put on the shoe for driving, stop, put on the boot again, then repeat the process when I come back to the car. 

I had fun at the old fashioned toy store I favor looking at puppets, stuffies, games, doll clothes, baby toys (I needed to get one baby gift), and generally just have fun imagining all the delight many small children are about to experience.  I had fun in Whole Foods as well with adult stocking stuffers, as well as fudge and caramel sauces in glass jars. 

When I returned home my husband had brought up all the boxes of decorations, and we worked on that for while before lunch.  I love seeing the stuff again each year.  And I keep a critical eye out for stuff to get rid of.  This year I have extra enthusiasm because our granddaughter will be here.

Old Age Day by Day December 9, 2013

We had a social Sunday, with a brunch at a friend's house and dinner for our younger daughter's birthday.  There were four kids at the brunch including a 3 week old baby, and a great grandmother who is ninety.  I got to see people I seldom see and meet the baby.  It was super cold for us yesterday, and I ended up wearing my coat inside the house for a while before dinner.  I hope our outside plants survive.  It's supposed to be cold all week, but not quite as cold as yesterday.

Today we're getting our tree and begin the long process of dragging up the boxes of decorations, sorting through, and figuring out what's missing.  My poor husband does all the heavy lifting, and this year, with my bad foot, it will be even worse for him.  But we both like the transformation that gradually occurs, and he's especially keen on the tree.  I forget what I have tucked away, so there are usually pleasant surprises and memories triggered.  I keep all of the old pet stockings, which gives me an opportunity to think fondly of them again.

Old Age Day by Day December 8, 2013

Mostly, in the mornings, I have breakfast, read the paper and then tell my husband we're heading out to check my email in my studio.  "We" means me and my female dog.  She goes with me, checks out her pee mail then heads back in.  If I'm cooking, she's right under my feet.  How is it that our house is divided along gender lines?  The male dog watches sports with my husband, the female dog reads with me. Very strange.

Today we're going to a brunch in honor of a friend's mother's visit.  The mother is 90, and up until now has been living on her own, but now will live in my friend's house.  This woman is delightful, sharp, if melancolic, and I've known her twenty some years.  I'm glad she's agreeing to be taken care of, and I know the weather here, versus the east coast, will enable her to get out more.  My mother died so young, but I have a few close friends with parents in their nineties, and I've seen what a struggle it is to make sure they are safe and respect their independence at the same time.  It's tricky.

I'll be glad to see her again, and enjoy the pleasure of a mom who survived.

Then we're off to a restaurant to celebrate our younger daughter's birthday, which is tomorrow.  Lots of joy today.

Old Age Day by Day Deceember 7, 2013

Whoa!  I have been a shopping whirlwind today!  First I shopped with our daughter for boots and a sewing machine for her birthday, then we hit Target and Bev Mo, then we unloaded at home, and my husband and I went to Trader Joe's and the pet food store.  My mind is wired from my separate lists:  birthday, holiday party, Christmas gifts, dinners,  finishing cards, stocking stuffers etc.  It will all get sorted, as it does every year.

Our daughter took pictures of us and the dogs for our holiday cards.  I'm getting closer and closer to the cards being ready to mail out.  On Monday we're getting the tree, which will set off another flurry of activity.  I love it!

Last night we watched "Red Dust", an excellent BBC film about the truth and reconciliation commission in South Africa in 2000.  Chitel Edjefor and Hilary Swank star in it.  We thought it appropriate after Nelson Mandela's death.  The movie is powerful, beautifully acted and educational.  It asks powerful questions about forgiveness and history. 

Old Age Day by Day December 6, 2013

The dogs were restless last night.  My poor husband had to get up twice with them.  I let him sleep in this morning.  I guess a lifetime of small kids has prepared us perfectly for sleep disruption, and the dogs are continuing our tradition.  Unfortunately.

I'm getting a haircut today, overdue as usual.  Evidently, I first have to have my head look like a virtual typoon, then I get down to business and have the haircutter tame it.  I have boingy hair.

I also have a few errands.  I've bought the away gifts, wrapped them and must head to the post office to send them.  One step at a time!

Then I pick up my friend from radiation, drop her at home and meet another friend for lunch. 

It was supposed to rain today, but the sky is blue and the clouds, wherever they are, passed us by.

It is cold for us:  record low temperatures yesterday.  I wasn't warm enough in my down vest and sweater, so today I'll wear my down jacket.  We haven't had frost though.  Not yet.  This is definitely winter weather.  The setting is right for the holidays.

Old Age Day by Day December 5, 2013

We've been watching Frank Capra films to get us in the mood for the holidays.  "You Can't Take it With You", "Mr Deeds Goes to Town", "Mr Smith Goes to Washington" and the like.  I've seen "It's a Wonderful Life" a few too many times to see it again.  But I like Capra's socialist sentiments.  The other day I was talking to my husband about how he got away with being so left leaning, and he looked him up on the internet.  I was wondering if the McCarthy hearings were the reason he didn't seem to make films after the forties.  It turns out he was a conscientious objector in World War II, and the public turned against him for this and would not watch his movies.  It was highly unfair, because he served as a medic in harm's way in the war, he just refused to shoot people.  But his career was over though he lived many more decades.  His idealism and passion for democracy and the constitution are sorely needed now.

My foster granddaughter and I worked away on her presents then took a break and watched Shirley Temple's "The Little Princess".  She was curious about what the book said, as the versions are different (we had seen Cuaron's nineties version the two weeks before), and I'm going to hunt for the book for her today.  My husband and I debated the pros and cons of each version.  But Shirley Temple's acting was amazing.  She easily carried the whole film.  Where did that talent come from?  It was extraordinary!

Old Age Day by Day December 4, 2013

I addressed my holiday cards yesterday - one step at a time.  Next I will try to get a photo or two chosen, and after that write the notes inside.  I was sitting a long time, in my boot, and somehow the foot really hurt afterward.  I have no idea how to heal this fracture, or maybe it's the weirdness of walking in a boot or walking funny all the time.  I hope I'm not doing something wrong.  Patience, patience.

My husband and I bought the gifts for our granddaughter, who will be here after all on Christmas.  I'm plugging away each day now to get everything done in time.  There is a familiar pleasure in these tasks, and the focus is relaxing.  It helps that I love the season overall:  the music, the pine boughs, the tree, the food, the company.  My mother made the holidays special, and was as excited as a child herself.  Something must have gone right in her extremely poor childhood, and she could convey delight to us.  She also brought in many friends and family, always had a party before, and thus we were never four people, but many, many more.

Today I have my foster granddaughter, and we will continue making her gifts for her family.  I've got to get more stuffing for pillows before I pick her up. 

Old Age Day by Day December 3, 2013

My friend's visit was very nice, with lots of talk, two movies, eating out a few times, seeing a great art show, and shopping a bit.  It was great to have her around while making the Thanksgiving meal, and our dinner was so delightful, with all of our kids except our daughter-in-law, our older daughter, her husband and the three grandchildren.  We had our close friends and their younger daughter, her boyfriend, and their friend as well.  The meal was a veritable feast, and we lingered a long time.  I even had a bite of walnut pie and apple pie, though I'm not supposed to.  A couple of nights later my husband, friend and I had leftovers and it tasted even better.

It was my friend's birthday on Sunday, and the two of us went to a movie and a nursery to look at Christmas tree ornaments.  Then my husband and I took her out to a fancy place for dinner, and my food was perfection! 

Now I need to get myself in gear for a few immediate tasks and then the long work of a holiday party and Christmas Eve and Day.  We had happy news that our older daughter, her husband, and our granddaughter are coming for a week then.  We're thrilled.  Our grandsons will be with their mother, so we will miss them.

After my friend left yesterday I finished "The Goldfinch" by Donna Tartt.  It's a huge book, and it's taken me a while, but what a stunner.  So beautifully written and gripping, and profound.  I can't recommend it enough.  It's ironic, too, as I'd just seen the painting last summer, and of all the works in the show, I bought a print of that painting, and have had it in my studio to look at ever since.  It is an amazing work of art.  Modern yet timeless, painted in the 1600's.  It's unforgettable.

Old Age Day by Day November 26, 2013

There is something delightful in looking in a crammed refrigerator, knowing friends and family are coming and a lot of yummy food is about to be consumed.  I went to two grocery stores yesterday to get ingredients, today my dear friend comes, and soon the cooking begins.  Thanksgiving is a nice idea.  I'm keeping a gratitude journal, and I can't imagine a better use of time than giving thanks and appreciating all we have.  It doesn't depend on being religious, just a willingness to see ourselves as interdependent and fortunate.  Somebody tills that field and plants those potatoes and harvests and sells to market.  The back breaking labor of many souls brings us our food. 

It is also a time to think of those without food, and send that check to the Red Cross or whoever for the Phillipines.  Taking a moment to know how lucky we are and share our luck makes a difference to us and others.

Yesterday we saw the neighbors a couple of houses away take down two huge pine trees.  They are still at it today, sawing and probably making logs.  One of the trees lost a lot of branches in the wind storm, and I guess was considered unstable.  We have a lot of trees like that around here, as well as up at the cabin.  There is a pine next door to me that would crush my studio if it fell, and yet they don't do anything.  It's expensive to be preventative, and most of us don't bother to think of what might happen, only react to what has happened.  These people next door are not good neighbors, as they let the yard and house fall apart, and I have no idea what the reason would be.  But they don't feel connected to where they live or others, which is sad.

In a couple of hours, I'll be picking up my friend, and that makes me very happy.

Old Age Day by Day November 25, 2013

My friend and I went to another friend's trunk show at her home an hour's drive away.  We had fun catching up in the car.  We both like our friend's necklaces:  they are witty and fun, bright and unusual.  Since she is an artist and art teacher, she brings a high level of design to the necklaces.  However, they are pricey, and also hard to "carry off".  I'm short with no neck.  I had two necklaces already, one with silver beads and big blobs of red and turquoise "beads" almost the size of eggs, and another red and lime green necklace with interesting big beads.  But neither of us could quite decide yesterday, as we tried on necklaces, looked in the mirror, and commented on each.  The ones I really loved were way too much for little me.  I did buy one in the end, a bunch of paper mache balls on black string that is light and looks very festive, with black and red and silver.  But my friend ended up not really loving any on her, and said as she ages she gets more conservative.  We both love ethnic, but are toning it down.  With gray hair it's easy to end up looking like a bag lady. 

It was awkward as well, because two other artists were there, one with paintings, the other with charming little felt hats, but both were pricey, and the paintings were not that interesting, and the hats REALLY would have made me look like a bag lady.  Everything was too expensive to be kind and buy a hat and small painting as well.

We found a place to have lunch, after we left our friend's, and it seemed like a charming little cafe, and the menu was full of healthy and interesting things.  We both ordered the same small salad and sandwich, and she had a latte and me cafe au lait.  When the drinks came, mine was near cold, but I drank it anyway.  We talked, then talked some more.  Thirty minutes later a waitress brought us our bill.  We protested:  we'd never gotten our order!  They shuffled around, then brought out the plates.  My friend had ordered dressing on the side, but they got that wrong, so took her plate back.  It was returned with no dressing.  Needless to say, we each left a one dollar tip, and that was pure kindness.  The place wasn't crowded, and I suppose they were students and inexperienced, but it was colossally bad service.  I guess we're spoiled at home.

Old Age Day by Day November 23, 2013

Our deeply kind daughter and boyfriend are coming over this morning to walk the dogs and give my husband a break.  I think my husband has about had it being noble.  I feel so helpless.  The dogs won't chase balls or get exercise any other way. 

We had two nights of high winds and gusts:  65 mph where we are.  A ton of trees, branches and other debris has fallen, and we've been picking up stuff from our yard, but don't have any room left for more leaves or sticks.  The howling really disturbed our sleep both nights.  It's calm this morning, finally.  One amazing thing is our big glass globe light out front fell, but directly into a plant in a pot and was unbroken.  The pot was barely bigger than the globe, so it was a miracle.  Now that I said it was calm the wind has kicked up again.  There is a pine tree next door that we worry about falling on my studio, but so far, so good.  There is leafy debris on every block and lots of sawing and tree removal. 

Wind is scary.  I associate it with the Firestorm now, and that is disturbing.  And the Chinooks in Colorado were apt to pull your roof off, smash a tree or destroy anything not nailed down.  We had to make sure all our animals were in so they wouldn't blow away, except for our horse, which had a one horse barn, but it was pretty rickety.  I've seen a lot of damage from wind, and when it shakes the house and the branches screech against your bedroom window, it is not sleep inducing.  It's unsettling.

Old Age Day by Day November 22, 2013

My husband and I like to play Scrabble.  Until recently, I kept the game on the kitchen counter for easy access.  But a few weeks ago, I had such a run of bad luck playing:  having all vowels, even all "i"s, all consonants, getting the "q" at the end of the game, that I part of myself I hate to acknowledge - the BAD LOSER - arose with a vengance. I stopped in the middle of our second game in a row because my husband kept putting a word right where I was about to put it.   I put the game upstairs in the hall closet.  Last night I felt calm and mature.  I brought the game down.  We played neck and neck until on my last draw of letters, I drew the "z".  There was no place to put it, no word to make.  I also had a couple of 4 pt letters left and two "u"s.  Needless to say, the "q" had already been used long before.  I had 15 pts against me as my husband went out.  I lost.  He asked if I wanted to play again.  I refused, and marched the game back upstairs.  Does this prove we're forever young?  I'd hoped for more resilient skin, not bad sportsmanship.  I asked myself why I didn't just enjoy the process?  The answer was ugly. 

Perhaps I can excuse myself a bit because I'm stir crazy from my broken foot.  But still.  It's quite disillusioning to be as ancient as I am and still a baby.  It's not like I would win anything, or be given a plaque or be in the newspaper.  There is no reward. 

But at least I'm still fully human.  With all the issues we humans have.  Annoying as they are.

Old Age Day by Day November 21, 2013

I noticed in the paper today that Gloria Steinem was one of the Medal of Freedom recipients.  I really appreciate her inclusion, because, in my generation at least, she has been a flashpoint for how it is to be a woman in our society here.  Her voice lifted so many others, and her journey, both personal and political, mirrors what it was like to be a woman and want to use your brain and skills and heart in a way that reflected self love and dignity for all of us.  She has been fluid as well, changing when the times changed, opening to women of color, to lesbians, to the whole broad spectrum of what is female.  And like Simone de Beauvoir, she struggled with relationships, and images of beauty and how to be female and sexually active.  For both of them, the professional life was at war with the love life.  I also appreciate Steinem's honesty about her mother's mental illness, and the effect it had on her lifelong.  She spoke at a time when such topics were shrouded in secrecy and shame.  She admitted her own mother was not her source of self valuing, and that the world is much more complicated and feminism must reflect that.  Not everyone had the nurturing mother and absent father.  The struggle to know the female self is sometimes a lonely path in the dark.

Old Age Day by Day November 20, 2013

The rain has continued steadily from yesterday, so we are getting a good soaking.  I love the sound of it.  Surely this will help the vegetation around, and clean the air.  I am picking my friend up from radiation today, and then we're going out to lunch.  After that, I pick up my foster granddaughter and we will work on her gifts some more.  I bought some good iron-on decorations and feel she's going to make really nice presents.

I realize that it is not November 22, and I am already a bit sick of all the hoopla around the 50th anniversary around JFK's assassination.  Somehow, all the attention seems trivalizing not respectful.  And I am even sick of the Gettysburg Address anniversary.  I guess I don't much like the media's manipulation of us.  Maybe it is useful to younger people.  A history lesson.  But I don't really see touchy issues addressed:  like the hatred towards public figures and what that means psychologically (Gabby Giffords, for instance) or how we need our Presidents to remind us why we have government and what it would mean if we didn't (Obama has attempted this on occasion, but we need more framing of who we are, what government does for us, and that there will always be a cost to individual liberty).  Instead, we get the same stale images and cliched reactions, and then we romanticize and idealize these very human figures, and that makes us turn away from the ugliness that we ought to face, at least once in a while.

Why are we afraid to talk about hate?  That is what young people could really use some help with.  We need to admit it in ourselves, and see the causes and conditions of it's dominance over some of us.  We need to know how to counter and name it, so it does not go underground and harm.

Old Age Day by Day November 19, 2013

Well, I have at least three more weeks in my boot.  The break has not healed.  I am discouraged. 

Today it is actually raining.  Not heavily, but pretty steady.  I hope this continues for a while, so the air and trees and bushes can be washed clean.  I love the sound of it.  After seeing the podiatrist, I went to a fabric store to get stuff for my foster granddaughter's sewing projects, then to Target for a bunch of random things.  I just wanted to be out and not go home. 

My friend began radiation yesterday.  She has it five days a week for six weeks, so it will be all through the holidays.  I hope it doesn't get too wearing, and she keeps her spirits up.  I sent her a funny card yesterday.  I will be taking her sometimes for her radiation, and she knows I'm available, but I worry. 

Last night I watched two episodes of Antique Road Show with my husband.  That is how desperate I am.  Before that we watched "Holiday" again, with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn.  Who I really love in that film is Lew Ayers.  He's so funny as the drunk brother, but heartbreaking as well, and just riveting on screen.  He lived a long life and I remember seeing him in a couple of films when he was old, and loving his presence.  "Holiday" is a bubble of a film, perfect for the depression, with it's theme that the poor are so much wiser and happier than the rich.  A lot of people needed to believe that then.  Yet it glamorizes the rich at the same time.  And everybody is playing at being poor, no one really is.  But Grant and Hepburn have some real fire in their scenes.  They were great together in that, in "Bringing up Baby", and in "Philadelphia Story".  Hepburn never had half as much chemistry with Spencer Tracy.  Come to think of it, he just had no sexiness to him.  But he must have had something that attracted her.  Maybe guilt and unavailability.

Old Age Day by Day November 18, 2013

It's been almost three weeks since my fall, and yesterday I was so sick of putting my foot up and wearing the boot and taking it easy.  Part of my mind knew this was nothing in comparison to problems the human race undergoes, but nevertheless, I was disgusted with my options.  Drive and screw up my foot?  Walk and screw up my foot?  Rot my brain and watch TV?  Read?  I'm sick of reading right now, very sick of reading.  I've called and bothered everyone I can think of.  I've knitted until my hands are aching.  I've meditated.  I've been STILL.  I want to move.

Luckily, my daughter rescued me yesterday, by driving us to lunch and a movie.  That got me out and away from the house.  And I haven't really been shut in, to be fair.  I've made myself go out every day and on Saturday I overdid it by driving to study group, then walking from the car to the cafe for lunch, then grocery shopping.  The result was my foot throbbing and keeping me up a lot of the night.  So I guess this means it's not healed yet.  Duh!

I did figure out yesterday a couple of things that aggravated the foot.  I had a sock on top of the ace bandage, and my pants were outside the boot, so my foot kept slipping in the boot.  I switched to skinny jeans, which makes the boot tighter, and no sock.  Tomorrow I see the podiatrist, so maybe he has tips.  Patience, I know.  It takes time to heal.  Well, yesterday I was just plain out of it.  Despite working for three years on that chapter in Shantideva's "The Bodhisatva's Way of Life".  Despite the unreasonableness of my irritation, the lack of gratitude that the foot is such a minor injury, that friends and even my own daughter are undergoing REAL challenges in healing, treatment and recovery.  The mind is a terribly selfish thing, and yes, yesterday I was wasting mine.

Old Age Day by Day November 17, 2013

There is so much in the media right now about JFK's assasination, and while it holds a lot of emotional resonance for me, as I was a freshman in college when it occurred, November 10 is the day my mother died, and it was a shock of a different magnitude.  I had just turned forty, and was head counselor at a safehouse for battered women, and I was seeing the decade of my forties as hopeful and empowering.  I was having brunch with my friend, a girls morning out, as we had toddlers at home, and I remember saying my period was off by a couple of months.  I didn't think I was pregnant, but something was up.  That afternoon my father called.  My mother was dead.  She had been shopping the afternoon before with a friend, returned and had dinner and watched TV with my dad.  The next morning she came into the kitchen, went to the sink, and said she had to "upchuck".  She collapsed in front of the sink, and when the paramedics arrived she was dead.  For so many years she worried about cancer, as she'd had it twice, but she died of a massive heart attack.  That evening, my period began, and I felt as if my body had known all along and tried to warn me. 

I'd last seen my mother in late August, as we lived in another state.  In my last phone conversation with her, she'd joked about my dad painting the house; said she had nowhere to hide to even get dressed.  She smoked like a chimney, and probably had since she was ten (she left school after third grade) and drank too much, self-medicating the dread she felt about cancer.  She'd been told twice she would die of it and both times she refused to cooperate.  The autopsy said her arteries were like cement.  If only there had been a warning, and she'd gotten on heart medication or had an angioplasty or something.  She was sixty one years old. 

I begged my dad to wait for me to see her body, but he and my brother talked me out of it, because of the autopsy.  I wish I hadn't listened to them, and had been able to see and touch her.  She was cremated, gone and absent so suddenly and swiftly.  My kids lost a terrificly devoted grandmother, their only one, and the youngest can't even remember her.  Now it's been almost thirty years.  She and I did not get along at times, but I see myself as more like her than my dad.  And even though I used to look like his spitting image, nowadays I look like my mother.  I see her every time I look in the mirror.  Hi, mom.

Old Age Day by Day November 16, 2013

I was so tired from the dogs barking at various times last night that I found myself yawning occasionally in study group this morning.  I am exhausted.  Our teacher had also gotten very little sleep and this resulted in a meandering discussion after meditation, but, nevertheless, many fruitful threads were grabbed and I can think about them later.  One was memorizing, and what it can do for the brain.  We all remembered having to memorize poems, facts, multiplication tables in school.  We could all still recite poems.  I can do a lot of the Gettysburg Address.  What does it mean to give that up?  What about memorizing pieces of music, or song, or other performance presentations?  We had to know our pieces by heart and sing songs without music.  I love that I can just pop up with nursery rhymes.  The other day my foster granddaughter's mom brought their dog Lucy and I recited:  Lucy Locket lost her pocket, Kitty Fisher found it, nothing in it nothing on it but the binding round it.  My grandaughter was delighted.

We also discussed remembering faces or not, the ethics of assisted suicide, and other broad, hopelessly complicated topics.  Alas, there was no resolution to any of these convoluted subjects, but after all, maybe the most important thing to remember is that they are complicated, and people are passionate about them, and it all comes down to looking inside oneself and seeing what seems true to oneself.

I will never forget how in the film "12 Years as a Slave" Patsy asks Solomon to take her life and he refuses, and later we see she has made peace with her horrible lot in life, not given up her humanity, compassion or love, and in that way triumphed over the brutality inflicted upon her.  And we, as the viewers, know that in less than ten years, the Emancipation Proclamation will be activated, and the amendment to end slavery forever passed.  An irony that reminds us we can never know the future nor should we despair of it.  Actions have consequences, and change is the truth of life.  What a powerful film.

Old Age Day by Day November 15, 2013

I had such a nice time yesterday with my friend.  We had a leisurely lunch with cafe au lait and french food, browsed in a bookstore, then stood out in my back patio admiring the golden leaves fallen from the trees.  As we get older, I believe we treasure these simple moments more than any others.  And it began with a laugh, as I saw her in her car, tapped on her window, and startled her.  It was an accident, but when I got in the passenger side, we began laughing at the thought of a heart attack and how the obituary would read:  Died suddenly of the tap on the window.  I love the fun I have with my friends.

I'm still reading about Red Cloud, and actually my friend and I talked a bit about that warrior culture, which is so hard to understand today.  Well, maybe, if you're a Marine.  It is so violent, so patriarchal, so much about bragging and symbolic triumphs.  Oh, I guess Congressmen carry on the tradition. 

Today is another glorious day in our drought season.  There is no rain on the horizon.  Strange days. 

Old Age Day by Day November 14, 2013

I'm reading a gripping biography of Red Cloud, the great Oglala chief.  In the process I'm learning a lot more about the Lakota and that whole midwest territory.  Red Cloud was an amazing strategian and had the respect of many tribes.  What caused respect is ruthlessness, and fearless guerilla warfare that the U.S. military had not experienced.  The Indians did not play by the rules that the soldiers had experienced in the Civil War.  They didn't follow up victories and certainly weren't about to line up to be shot.  Their cruelty was legendary, and that made them feared and avoided at all costs.  The "treaties" were violated on both sides, so they were shams for show.  One can't help but compare the Lakota to the Commanches, so terrorizing in the south.  It was a violent way of life, and the only honor or goal was counting coup.  The clash with whites was bound to be horrific.

I've been wondering where the boxes labeled for me from Amazon came from.  Now my older daughter tells me they were for her, but somehow she mixed things up.  That answers that mystery.  Now I have to send them to her, so that's annoying.  But I can't really keep her birthday gifts, can I?  Just kidding.

My foster granddaughter and I had fun yesterday working on sewing projects for her to give as holiday gifts.  We're doing felt ornaments, scarves and pillows.  She is so good with the sewing machine now.  How she is growing up!

Old Age Day by Day November 13, 2013

Yesterday I was discouraged, because my foot hurt and no matter what I did with it, my body felt awkward and uncomfortable.  I'm sick of not walking around and stretching myself and trying to keep the foot up.  My body keeps acting up, protesting, creaking and groaning at the old age thing.  I want to move more, but I must be patient.  After all, this injury is a little thing, and I feel guilty complaining, but there, now I've got it off my chest!

I talked to a lot of people on the phone yesterday, and that felt good.  These friends are my lifeline, and I feel anchored when I connect with them.  Today is another beautiful fall day, and perhaps my foster granddaughter and I can get out a bit more.  I also hope to work on some tree ornaments with her, if her focus is steady.  By the time I pick her up she's pretty exhausted from school and choir practice, so I have to play it by ear.  Last week she was happy enough to relax, watch a movie and draw.  The best times are when she has a day off school and we can do something in the morning and have lunch.  From my point of view, just talking with her is the best, but I feel I must be somewhat entertaining as well.  But who am I kidding?  She has a full, exciting life and I'm not really filling any holes.  We have a friendship that's as long as she can remember.  And she trusts me.  That's enough.

Old Age Day by Day November 12, 2013

We indeed had a feast yesterday, for our son's friend's tribe's day.  Amazing chicken enchiladas, pozole, chili, potato salad, mac and cheese, green salad, tortillas, the whole nine yards.  Then there were the desserts:  a chocolate cake, a pumpkin pie, pumpkin cake, bread pudding, and apple crisp.  Since I'm diabetic, I could only admire the desserts, which was just as well.  I like seeing the people there whom I only see once a year.  It was gay, with kids running everywhere.  I had a long discussion with a boy about "Ender's Game", which he has read.  We analysed the movie.  I heard a detailed description of the new gambling casino up north, from two very funny women who seem to be experts on the tribal casino world.  It was truly festive.

This morning I can see that it rained last night, but only a little more than spit.  We are not getting rain, even when we're supposed to.  It's looking ominous.  I may have to do a rain dance, but with my broken foot, it might not produce much. 

Old Age Day by Day November 11, 2013

Yesterday my daughter and I saw "Twelve Years a Slave".  It is even more amazing than I expected.  First of all, the cinematography is beautiful and so unusual.  Secondly, though there are many harsh moments, these are intraspursed with many quiet moments, and the pace is slow and deliberate.  This is NOT an action movie.  The actors performances are superb, and the attempt is more to render the feeling state of Solomon Northrup, rather than any preachiness.  The film reminds me of "Beasts of the Southern Wild", more coherent and crafted, but telling a similar tale of people and situations painful past bearing.  This is the antidote to "Gone With the Wind", where the slave owners are noble and the slaves like family members.  This film tells us what freedom is and what the lack of it does to a person.  The violence, when it's shown, is not glamorized or fetishsized.  Mostly, you can close your eyes because you know what is coming, but it's not the few moments of violence that disturb, it's the waiting, anticipation, constant dread.  The slave owners are sanctimonious and terrifying in their actions.  It's as if their dark side has been allowed dominance through the act of buying another human being.  Thus, the viewer begins to think about the nature of a human being and the cost of harming another to the soul of the perpetrator.  And thoughts of "good" slaveowners seem ludicrous.  There are choices in this movie, and we are made to feel them.  See it.  Then talk about it with others.

Old Age Day by Day November 10, 2013

There was an article in the newspaper travel section today about Morocco.  I found myself happy to see pictures of places I'd seen, and grateful again that my daughter's path encouraged me to follow.  Actually, all four of the kids have gotten me places I might no have gone.  The middle two got me to New York for years, where I saw great art and had great food.  The oldest got me to the midwest and introduced me to the Minneapolis Art Museum, the Detroit Institute, and the best farmer's market I've ever seen.  Our youngest gave us an entree into Philadelphia, where we saw art shows and the liberty bell and constitution hall.  We visited her in Paris.  We visited the other daughter in Spain, then Prague, then Morocco twice.  And our first trip abroad was with all four kids to visit the older two's stepmom and brother, in Ireland.  We saw London, Scotland, a bit of Wales and Ireland, and we've been back to Ireland and England to visit. 

So we owe the kids a lot.  We've done traveling on our own as well, and I usually say my favorite trip was Egypt, but Morocco is right up there.  I loved the medinas, the souks, the riyads, the roman ruins, the storks, the friendliness of the people, the food.  When my best friend and I visited, my daughter set us all up with a cooking class in Fez, and that was truly a feast.  I love every single craft they have in the souks, and the light, the mosaics, the desert, the mountains are spectacular.  My friend and I rode the trains, which are safe and efficient, and our time in Marrakesh was magical.  We'd sit on the rooftop of our riyad and see out over the old city.  It was a maze of streets, but we were off the big plaza and somehow always found our way back.  My daughter and her husband helped us find rugs in the mountains, and I have a Berber blanket straight off a camel in my living room, draped on my sofa.  I have two red leather poufs, and charming ceramics.  Great memories.

Old Age Day by Day November 9, 2013

I have a friend who is 83 today.  She's amazing, and has energy up the wazoo.  She is recovering from a second cornea transplant right now.  She is a hands on grandmother to four, and very active with a singing group and going to concerts and plays.  She clearly treasures being alive and in this world.  She always has a plan.  She was a kindergarten teacher and I think some of that energy rubbed off permanently. 

I'll be taking her a little gift today, and on my way looking at a fabric store for holiday projects and stuff to make for my grandchildren.  I adore looking at material.  It may have everything to do with my parents being in the garment industry.

I had a nice lunch with a friend yesterday and we shopped a bit, but didn't see anything interesting.  We're content to just look, as we both are trying to pare down rather than accumulate more stuff.  I wish you could still browse for DVDs, but that era is over.  If a store even has them, it's severely limited, and just the usual blockbuster stuff.  I'm going to start looking at used DVDs in used bookstores.  I used to like discovering a film I never knew existed, and finding hidden gems.  But now that can't really be done.  Yes, I can look online and yet, that is overwhelming unless you know what you're looking for.  Oh, well, DVDs are a thing of the past.  As is so much in my lifetime.  The landfill aspect is dreary.  Now everything is built to destruct in a couple of years so you can buy it again, or set up, as with the smartphones, so it's lucrative to steal it and the companies have you buying again and again.  Why do people tolerate this?  I've no idea.

Old Age Day by Day November 8, 2013

I received an email from an old friend who lives in Florida.  She was a year ahead of me in school, when we were children, and moved to the west coast after college graduation with her husband.  My parents were mentors to them both, and godparents to their daughter.  When they retired they sold their house here and moved to Florida.  Now they are trapped there and cannot sell to move back here where their daughter still lives.  She has many health problems, and I feel for her dilemma.  It was good to hear from her, but I haven't been out to the east coast in years, and I don't like Florida.  My aunt and uncle retired there, and we visited a few times, but I don't get the allure.  It's hot, buggy, full of malls and traffic, and politically foreign to me.  How horrible to think you are making a savvy decision and discover you have trapped yourself in a place you cannot leave.  After my uncle died, my aunt couldn't wait to sell the house and move.  In two months she had said goodbye forever to Florida and moved to Colorado Springs, where her sisters brother-in-law and niece and nephew lived.  People are more important than place or bargains.  I've never forgotten that lesson.  And if my friend moved back, it would be to a small condo somewhere, as she could never buy back into her neighborhood or with a house as nice as the one she had.  I sure wish them well, and hope someone buys their house, but it's literally been years, and no one has been interested.  It's a nice house with pool and dock.  But it is where a hurricane destroyed a lot of property, and no one dares to be there any more.  It has not come back. 

I see my friend when she visits her daughter, so I'll see her next year, no doubt.  But I wish I could help her out of this mess, and I cannot.  I pray she has a lucky year next year.

Old Age Day by Day November 7, 2013

I had a nice time with my foster granddaughter yesterday.  We "snacked" then I was the audience for her piano and singing practice, and then we watched "Fly Away Home" and then designed costumes for a play she and some other girls are putting on.  Then her mom and toddler sister showed up, and her sister at 16 months is talking up a storm, drawing like a manic and full of the "no"s.  She's adorable.  Both girls, having been redheads all along, are now turning blond.  Only mommy remains a fiery redhead.  I'm partial to the color because my brother is a redhead.  Blond or no, they all have the temperment.  I adore them.

Last night my granddaughter two states away called, and she talked a long time about the weather, our drought, how she could invent an airplane that would go up in the sky and get the rain from over her house, then fly here to dump it on us.  I pronounced it a capital idea, but said in the meantime she could put a bucket out, and next time I drove up there I'd bring the bucket home with me.  She was pleased with her Halloween costume, and fascinated by my broken bone in my foot.  It was so sweet to talk to her.

I'm reading the new John Grisham novel, and it's a follow up on "A Time to Kill".  He has a great way with legal complexities and the small town south.  He knows how to charm.

Today I'm having lunch with a friend and meeting at the metaphysical bookstore, which is as dusty and musty and funky as it sounds, but pretty adorable.  We both try to buy books there to keep it in business.

Old Age Day by Day November 6, 2013

I just finished Dave Eggers' "The Circle", and it is an amazing read.  He tackles the subject of online life and is fearless about his dark view of what it brings.  The Circle is a Google-like company and a young woman, Mae, is hired there due to her college friendship with Annie, who is a star in the company.  It reads like a mystery or Stephen King, but Eggers is serious about his concerns about the commercializing and privacy erasing effects of online culture.  I can't recommend it enough.  I almost didn't buy it because I thought I knew the drawbacks, but I learned a lot and kept seeing hints of these dangers in events today. 

I am such an admirer of Dave Eggers.  He's a terrific writer, and an amazing person doing so much good in the real world for people.  He began a program for children writing that is now all over the world.  "Zeitoun", his non-fiction book about Katrina and Louisiana, brought it all home for me.  I love "Hologram for a King" and "What is the What" and "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" as well.  He runs a publishing company, "McSweeney's", a magazine, and publishes public interest books.  He's a whirlwind of activity.

Today I have my foster granddaughter and we'll be doing stuff around the house, given my foot.  I'm thinking of making tree ornaments out of felt.

Old Age Day by Day November 5, 2013

My husband returned from the cabin yesterday afternoon and we went to a cafe close by for dinner.  Then he watched a marathon of Antique Road Shows on TV, while we waited to pick up our younger daughter and her boyfriend from the subway.  We had a long talk about how often we'd seen anything on the Roadshow that we would actually want - rarely - for both of us.  Some items are fascinating, but I wouldn't pay money to own them.  Last night we saw a midcentury modern black dining table that we both liked, but would not go anywhere in our house.  I sometimes see Native American baskets or artifacts I covet, but I could not afford them.  Once in the blue moon there is a painting I like.  I love rugs, but rarely see one I'd have.  The furniture is mostly impossible, the lamps gaudy, the pottery too this or that.  The jewelry, no, not my thing.  Tapistries - I don't think so!  Civil war or gun anything - no way Jose!  Samplers, those scary antique dolls and the like, who collects those and why?  Silver, no, jade, no, Tiffany anything, no, as they all look like reproductions but if you break them, tragedy. 

Do I think the owners' reactions are sincere?  Only one in a hundred.  Are they all going to treasure their find more?  Most are heading straight to the auction house, give me a break. 

I can see you can tell I'm slightly cynical, which is why mostly I don't watch and my husband does.  What is fascinating is the range of stuff collected and the stories around the find or handing down of the item.  It's a storybook on TV.  And a good way to get some knitting done.

Old Age Day by Day November 4, 2013

The brunch for my friend turned out well.  It was a bright sunny day, and everyone plus a couple more showed up and my friend seemed really pleased.  I got to see some friends and meet new people, and the clean up wasn't even that bad.  I was exhausted last night, but being on my feet too many hours took its toll.  In the afternoon another friend and I went to a small quilt show nearby in a house that turned out to be somebody's I knew from my kid's school.  The quilts were so creative and gorgeous.  The show inspired my friend and I to think of beginning a similar group, and starting small, with something the size of a placemat.  We both decided we might be up for that.  Then we saw an open house on the street above us that my friend was curious about, and it had magnificient views.  The house had interesting bones and a gorgeous dark wood entry and staircase, but the rest had been whitewashed, literally, and staged with super modern super boring furniture.  It would take a huge amount of money to get it back in shape, but undoubtedly somebody with a lot of money will take it on for the views.  I couldn't negotiate the upstairs or downstairs, with my boot on, but got reports from my friend.  She drove me to the quilt show and the house, and then, and I call this above and beyond the call of friendship, put out the garbage and recycling bins for me.  What a pal.

Last night I tried to watch a bit of PBS TV, but it was something called "Paradise" and it was too upstairs downstairs for my taste.  I don't like those series, not the old one or the new, and I'm sick of British class strife and turmoil.  That kind of thing has never gripped me.  It seems to expose what is already vastly overexposed, and I think I have the American revolutionary reaction to the lives of the British.  I read Evelyn Waugh in my time, but that was in my twenties, and living in a British colony took all the romance out of their lives.  I am Scottish and Native American, and the whole thing just appears to be rubbish to me.  I can't do the Tutor movies, or regency dramas or Howard's End.  Not my cup of tea.

Old Age Day by Day November 2m 2013

My friend rescued me last night to pick me up for dinner.  We had meatloaf and mashed potatoes, plus prosecco.  I came home and watched "The Bodyguard", which shows how mentally alert I was.  I have figured out that the boot is actually a total deterrent to walking.  It's as long as my leg and as wide as my butt, doesn't fit on stairs, and chafes my leg.  The whole idea really is to keep me from moving at all, and also, if I do move, to kill me and keep me from noticing.  After I walk on it a while, my knee on my other leg begins hurting, as it gets twisted trying to get the bad foot to move.  It's all quite annoying.  My problem is there are stairs going up to my house, stairs in my house and stairs to go to my studio, where my computer is.  The boot doesn't do stairs.  Yesterday I came around the side of the house to avoid the stairs to the front door.  That helps somewhat.  Today I'm going to attempt to take a shower and wash my hair.  That is my sole goal for today.  Frightening, isn't it?

I'm not as grumpy as I sound.  But close.

Old Age Day by Day November 1, 2013

Well, I've seen the podiatrist and have a boot to wear when I'm walking.  It will take 4-6 weeks to completely heal.  I can drive, and don't have to wear the boot when I'm not walking.  Still, it's not what the cool folks are wearing this season.  We got up at 5:45 am to take our younger daughter and her boyfriend to the airport.  They're going to a wedding in Philadelphia of one of his countless cousins.  I hope they have fun. 

I'm reading a good mystery, and read an even better one right before my fall.  It helps to have engaging material when you've got your leg up and icing it.  We watched "Lincoln" last night, and I still marvel at the acting and beautiful cinematography.  We were only interrupted twice:  we had exactly two groups of trick-or-treaters.  It's sad, but I understand.  Every house on our street has too many steps, and it's just not efficient.  I gave two ziplock bags to my daughter and her boyfriend to take on the plane.  And my husband will eat the rest.  He's looking forward to it.

I got a email with a bunch of lovely photos of our granddaughter last night.  She looked adorable, and she helped make her own costume.  Pretty cute snow princess!

Old Age Day by Day October 31, 2013

Well, I set out yesterday to get some exercise, and decided to go with my husband to the reservoir to walk the dogs.  I did not change out of my dansko shoes, and sure enough, I fell on the uneven pavement.  I thought I could walk out the pain, but by the end of the almost 3 mile walk, I knew I needed ice, and badly.  After looking at my right foot after we returned, my husband thought I should call our doctor, so I got an appointment and lay in the sunroom for three hours with my foot up, icing it.  The doctor then looked at it, sent me for Xrays, and lo and behold, I fractured my fifth metatarsal bone.  I have to see a podiatrist, but no one answered, and we'll see if I get a call back, or end up waiting until next week.  Doctors these days often work only four days with big lunch breaks and close by 4 pm.  My foot feels okay just sitting, but I have to hobble a bit, and have had to cancel everything for the next couple of days.  I usually am so good at changing to the appropriate shoes, and I have twisted my foot a dozen times before in danskos, so I know better.  I was just in a rush and not thinking.

Well, I guess I'll be reading a lot.  Just to top off yesterday's fiasco, we watched the sad end of the Cards hopes for the World Series, with them outclassed in every way and looking like they'd already given up all hope.  Nobody even tried to really run to first base.  So the best team did win, and it wasn't ours.  Oh, well, time to concentrate on the A's again.

Happy Halloween!  I missed seeing my foster granddaughter because of my fall, and now she won't get her goodies until next week.  She's going as a fifties ponytailed girl.  My granddaughter up north is going as a snow princess.  I wish I could see them!

Old Age Day by Day October 30, 2013

I was in the car way too much yesterday and near the end of it there was an accident right in front of me, as I was stopped waiting for a light to turn green in a long line of cars.  A woman came from my right, and barreled through the intersection, hitting a car coming from the opposite direction from me.  I was boxed in, with no time to honk or move out of the way, but she missed me and smashed the other car.  I was stunned driving the rest of the way home.  I keep seeing such scary driving, and most of us are trying to be calm and defense, but with impulsive drivers that hardly matters.  I had a long talk with my husband about whether I should have stopped, but there was nowhere to pull over until after I'd crossed the wide intersection, I didn't have any special skills or abilities, and there were no police.  Nowadays, there is no reason for witnesses, as the drivers are expected to take care of everything themselves, unless there are injuries.  When I got hit from behind, there were cars all around and everyone just went right on by and left us to ourselves in the middle of the street.  And then there is the fear of being in the middle of road rage, and someone pulling a gun.  Driving is pretty scary these days.  And what is the rush?

Last night we watched Jurassic Park, which seemed a little bit like the accident, with cars getting knocked over and chased by T Rexes.  It's a jungle out there.

Old Age Day by Day October 29, 2013

Oh, dear.  The Cards lost and did not look good.  However, I'm proud of them for pitching to Dave Ortiz, and not just walking him.  That takes guts.  Again, the game was super tense, but the Cards are not hitting well, Lester or no Lester.  Can I stand to watch tonight?  I hope so. 

I'm very excited my best friend is coming for Thanksgiving.  We will have a lot of fun together.  We always do.  I'm going to make a list of things to see and do.  It will also be her birthday, so something special is in order.  There are some great art shows around, and we could go to wine country.  Hummm.  This is going to be fun.

I am taking an older friend for her check up after eye surgery today.  I have to go north, then swing back around and head east.  Her seat must be reclined while I drive.  I'm a bit nervous, but happy to help her out.  She is an amazing, bouncy, dynamic woman.  And she has had some health setbacks that would have discouraged a lesser being.  She was my younger daughter's kindergarten and first grade teacher and now my daughter teaches that age kids.  Karma!

Old Age Day by Day October 28, 2013

My younger daughter and I went to a tea and fashion show for Breast Cancer research, and we had a delightful time.  There were little sandwiches (chicken pesto, brie and apple or salmon) and pastries (choc coissants, cheese danish, brownie somethings, strawberry tarts) and champagne and tea.  The models were seven feet tall plus 8 inch heels, but the clothes were simple and lovely.  We had a great time, and had shopped a bit before, so it was a girly, girly afternoon.  I thought of our daughter and her treatment, and felt teary.  So many women going through this scary disease, hoping for remission and fearing bad luck. 

When we watched the World Series game, it was Stand Up for Cancer day, and people held cards with the names of family or friends who had died of cancer or who were struggling with fighting it.  That gesture really touched me as well.  They raised 6 million dollars at the game.  And all of the players on both teams held up cards.  Everyone has been touched by this disease. 

My team lost last night, in a totally frustrating game, but it was tight and exciting every second of the way, and had another dramatic ending, with our guy trying to steal base and getting tagged out.  Game over, as suddenly as the night before.  It looks like this series is going down to the wire.

Old Age Day by Day October 27, 2013

I tried my new waffle maker this morning and it worked really well.  The waffles were light and fluffy.  Waffles were a Sunday night tradition in my family.  My dad made them and sausage or bacon or both, and we all felt it was a big treat and fun to not have "dinner".  My dad was quite a breakfast maker in general, with huge breakfasts to start my brother and I off in the morning.  He would make cream of wheat, add half and half and canned fruit cocktail, then toast and maybe eggs as well.  On the weekends my mom would make biscuits and gravy, and my dad would pile on fried eggs and canadian bacon and cantaloupe and orange juice with a cherry in the glass.   We sometimes had half a grapefruit, or stewed prunes or applesauce.  It's a miracle I could walk to school after breakfast. 

I, of course, didn't appreciate the heavy stuff, and wished I could just have fruit and maybe a piece of toast.  I hated eggs, from the beginning, as it seemed like killing baby chicks and the meats bothered me as much.  I'd seen the animals slaughtered, hung out and cured at my grandma's place, and I was not to be fooled.  But I did occasionally like pancakes or waffles.  Now I don't even like pancakes, though I don't turn down crepes, but when I order in restaurant it's oatmeal and fruit, or scrambled eggs and toast.  But I have my husband representing my midwestern family, and eating as if he were my dad.  Today I had meatless sausage patties with the waffles, and my poor husband had to grin and bear it.  Those who don't cook don't get to decide the menu.

How about that game last night?  That was almost too exciting, and the finale, with Craig getting the run due to obstruction, will be talked about for ages.  I just hope he didn't get reinjured, as he'd just come off the disabled list.  And I really hope that wasn't part of the plan by the obstructor, who shall remain nameless.  So far this world series has been super exciting.  It's mighty satisfying.

Old Age Day by Day October 26, 2013

At my Buddhist study group this morning, we mostly avoided the subject of patience in Shantideva's The Way of the Bodhisatva.  We have been on this chapter for years, so I'd say we win the award for patience in a certain respect, but perhaps this causes us to occasionally, as this morning, ramble on about tangential topics and only rarely manage to tack on the patience theme to what is being discussed.  Were we tired?  Was there an elephant in the room that no one wanted to see?  I cannot know.  For my own part I was tired from my trip and just returning home.  However, I managed to briefly discuss two issues that I thought were right on target, only there was no enthusiasm from the teacher or others about the aspects of patience I thought these examples made obvious.  Sometimes the patience is in not expecting profundity or insight at every turn.  At the least, my mind was stirred in a helpful direction by my noting the meandering nature of the discussion, the lack of focus, my desire to control and direct us back to the topic (utterly hopeless - I need to mind my own mindstream) and my judgment in silently deciding this time was not well spent (who knows what the others thought?). 

Of course, these fellow students and I have known each other for over twenty years, so just being in their presence is valuable.  We are on the same path, we know each other's habits of mind and our histories, we trust each other implicitly.  We also bore each other at times.  It does not discourage us from showing up at great effort each month, and physically being in the same room has a power beyond whatever we discuss.  We are supporting each other.  We trust each other.  We have utter patience with the group process, whatever the particular outcome is on a particular day.  So I am grateful for the group, the falliable, utterly human group that we are.

Old Age Day by Day October 25, 2013

We were gratified the Cardinals won last night, and it was a tense, exciting game.  So the next games will be in St. Louis, which will hopefully help the Cards.  My family is from Missouri, so that's why I'm rooting for them.  Boston is too east coast strange for me.  I'm a westerner and midwesterner through and through.  I read an article about how there should be more razzle-dazzle in the games - more belting homers and drama.  I totally disagree.  This is baseball at its best:  closely matched teams, brilliant pitching, so that all the "little" things show up - a catch near the dirt, a swift play, a small hit that advances the teammate.  The commentator should watch football players crashing into each other and injuring themselves or basketball's hyperactivity.  Baseball and soccer are about rhythmn and serendipity and luck.  The whole mysterious game of chance and change and will and powerlessness.  Brute force doesn't win games in baseball.  The fates control what the players can't will to happen.  A great player has an off night, a newbie becomes a star, a bunt saves the day.  I adore baseball.  Like life, it is surprising and changing constantly and joyous in its exuberance.

Old Age Day by Day October 24, 2013

The season is really changing:  less light, cooler, leaves turning, the whole nine yards.  I hope we have a rainy season soon.

My husband and I settled down to watch the world series last night, but since we're for the Cards, we soon turned it off and watched a movie instead.  Perhaps tonight they will fare better.

My foster granddaughter and I went to the Dias de Los Muertos show at the museum, and loved it.  We put names of our dead on a tree - she put her dad and her dog, and I put my parents' names.  We made a little altar ourselves.  Then we went through the Natural Sciences part and she had a great time, especially after we ran into her friend and her family.  They bungled and had great fun and I talked to the grandpa.  I was so glad I'd taken her, because once she gets there she loves the hands on activities and writes and listens and looks.  She was engrossed in a video of a couple who take plastic washed up from the beaches and recycle it into artworks.  The pieces were beautiful.

Then we went up to the art gallery and she drew a self portrait that is automatically projected onto a wall of portraits, so, as I told her, she had an artwork hanging in a museum!

Old Age Day by Day October 23, 2013

We're back from our visit to our older daughter, and glad to be in our own bed again.  We had perfect weather during the visit and a nice interaction with everyone there.  We got to babysit our granddaughter overnight while our daughter and her husband went to a wedding in Texas.  She slept on the sofabed in our condo, and was thrilled.  Of course, as our daughter said, we took her to her favorite places to eat, had a playdate with her best friend, and were an enthusiastic audience for her soccer class.  We saw her school, got to go to grandparents' day, and walked the neighborhood a bunch.  We also got quite a bit of time with our new grandsons, 7 and 10, and they were fun and very affectionate with us.  Our daughter looks great for being in the middle of chemo, and her wigs are so good you'd never guess that's what they were.  We had a nice celebratory dinner for her birthday, and all in all, it was a good visit.

We came back to fog here, but I don't care.  It's home.  We pick up the dogs this morning and I have my foster granddaughter this afternoon.  I plan to take her to see Dias de las Muertos at the museum.  I think she'll love it.

I'm off to the grocery store, so we can lay in supplies.  I don't feel like eating out for a while.

Old Age Day by Day October 16, 2013

There was a beautiful moon lighting up the night sky last evening.  Somehow it did not translate into calm and peacefulness, because when I went to bed a wave of fear washed over me:  the debt crisis, the 5 earthquakes two miles away from the night before (were they building up to anything and why hadn't I bought lots of gallons of water?), the pain from the flu and shingles shot, the pains in my side and chest, would the visit with my daughter go okay or would I drive her nuts as usual.  I managed to get to sleep despite my very overactive mind, and this morning I feel better.  Nothing has changed about the worries, but it's sunny out and I washed my hair and I feel better.  All this mind stuff is a wave that washes over me, and the transcience of it is beginning to dawn on me.  I have a visualization I do that really helps:  I'm in a plane above the clouds and I can see the earth below the moving and changing clouds.  My thoughts are those clouds, and below is the astoundingly beautiful earth and I stretch one arm down to touch the earth and one arm up beyond the plane to the universe, and the clouds don't matter.  This image comforts me.

Okay, now you think I've really lost it!

Old Age Day by Day October 15, 2013

Yesterday I received an email saying our older two children's stepmom's father had died.  He was such a dear, dear man.  He was 93.  He was funny, brilliant, charming and such a gentleman.  He got to die at home, and with his beloved wife by his side.  It was a lovely way to go, and hospice made it smooth and gentle.  Hospice is such an amazing aid to people.  Their compassion, skills and professionalism are awe inspiring.  This was in Ireland, and yet they are being buddhas everywhere. 

I know I was so grateful my Dad could die at home.  He loved his house, his garden, and he was able to wake up in the morning, and lie on the sofa looking out on the garden he'd designed as he died.  He was eased into that transition in familiar and loved surroundings.  I'm glad this father and grandfather could do so as well.

I've sent flowers and cards.  We won't be flying over, as we are going to see our daughter in two days.  But my heart is there with them.  What a gift it has been to grow to love my first husband's widow and all her delightful family.  I adore her parents and her brother, his wife and kids.  They've widened our circle of love and connection and made my life better and happier.  I'm lucky.

Old Age Day by Day October 14, 2013

I'm up early and it's nippy out, but I actually had a really good sleep, and feel more human today.  I had a bath last night, snuggled in bed, and read a mystery.  Today is brilliant sun, coupled with the crisp air and fall leaves.  I can hear the crows fussing, and it's good to know someone is leading a gay social life.  I'm fascinated by crows:  their intelligence, their social constructs, even their size and glossy black beauty.  I think it's the Indian in me.

My older two children's stepmom's father died yesterday.  I was sad to hear it.  He was an absolutely delightful, witty man, and so gracious.  His three children take after him.  He left behind his wife of his whole life, and it must be so difficult for her.  His sense of adventurousness was wonderful, and he and his wife traveled far and wide, into their nineties.  He was a dear man, and the world is a poorer place without him.

Old Age Day by Day October 13, 2013

I hardly slept last night.  We watched the movie "Amadeus" and perhaps Mozart's music or the story or something disturbed me.  I was amazed I stayed awake at meditation this morning.  Then I shopped for while, all the time running on fumes.  I hope I sleep well tonight.  For the first time (we own the movie, so we've seen it a few times) I got why F. Murray Abraham won the Oscar instead of Tom Hulce.  I could see that it was Abraham's show, really, and he made it work.  Hearing snippets of Don Giovanni, The Marriage of Figaro and The Magic Flute was sublime.  What a complete entertainment1

My husband took the dogs to the cabin for a day or two.  He was back and forth so many times about going that he nearly drove me crazy.  Since we are leaving Thursday to see our daughter, I couldn't imagine why he'd go, when he needed to get a haircut, pack and figure out a few things.  But his mind is a deeply mysterious thing, and living with him for four decades has not illuminated it much.  He had some kind of call to nature, I guess.

Tomorrow I'm getting my flu and shingles shot.  It's time.  I don't want to be caught unprepared.  At least, this way I'll be caught unprepared about something else.

Old Age Day by Day October 12, 2013

My foster granddaughter and I had a lot of fun looking at Halloween decorations and picking out pumpkins.  We each got a sort of bluish pumpkin/gourd and bright white perfect little pumpkins, and I got an orange one with a crazy stem and a squash that looked like a giant acorn.  She got one with green stripes, a couple of tiny orange ones and one more traditional pumpkin.  There were two baby pigs, two baby goats and six ducks as well.  We then went to our favorite ice cream parlour and she had the grilled cheese and onion rings and I the turkey blt.  The highlight there was her scoop of swiss milk chocolate ice cream.

Then in the afternoon we went with our younger daughter to see "Gravity", which was amazingly good, and a beautiful metaphor of life as well.  Sandra Bullock was wonderful.  We then went to a pizza place and discussed the movie and the late lamented A's season. 

In between all this I was reading "Joseph Anton", which is so gripping and well written.  Salman Rushdie exposes himself warts and all, and his courage with this book mirrors his determination not to pretend something to get out of the fatwa.  What an astounding story!

Old Age Day by Day October 11, 2013

Well, our team lost.  No more playoffs, no World Series.  We watched the game at our daughter's house, and it was a glum experience.  As Yogi Berra would say, "Deja vu all over again".  Sigh.  Tonight the three of us are seeing "Gravity".  Something to distract us.  Now comes the movie season where there are grown up films vying for the Oscars, and so lots to see.  I've already liked "Rush", "Museum Hours" and "Enough Said", so I'm off to a good start.  I also want to see "Captain Phillips". 

I'm off this morning to take my foster granddaughter to a pumpkin patch and then lunch.  She has the day off school for some unknown reason.  We will choose pumpkins and also a couple of Halloween decorations, as is our custom.  They also have live animals like chickens, goats and pigs, so we have fun.  Halloween is great holiday, in my book.  Costumes are always a good idea, and pumpkins are amazing.  The goblins, witches and other folk are fascinating to kids, as a representation of the fears we all have and struggle with.  And for one night, we can be the thing we fear.  Very sound psychologically.

Old Age Day by Day October 10, 2013

Another crisp fall day.  How great it is to eat again!  However, I must watch my calories from now on.  The minute I don't the weight creeps up.  I don't have sugar or breads, but for me at my age it takes a lot more abstinence that that.  I virtuously had a yogurt shake this morning, and am having salad for lunch, but gee, can't a girl have any fun? 

My car is getting fixed, so I have to use my husband's car, which makes me nervous and him even more nervous.  Cars are getting a lot of emotional mileage these days, what with road rage rampant and expensive parking tickets and people running people off the road and bicyclists giving the finger and pedestrians glaring and honking the new pastime.  Who knew a metal object could be so stressful?

Of course, today I'm mostly stressed by my team's baseball game, which will determine if they go on in the playoffs.  It's in the back of my mind all the time.  I know it doesn't matter in the important scheme of things, but still.  A girl can't help hoping for a World Series, can she?

Old Age Day by Day October 9, 2013

Well, my roto rooter procedure is over.  Any budding problems have been trimmed away.  It wasn't bad at all.  They presented me with 10 lovely photos of my colon, which I told the nurse I would post next to famous celebrity photos to match up:  Can You Guess Which colon belongs to which Star?!!!
Look for it.

I'm going to attempt to make up for lost sleep last night and now that I've had breakfast, I hope not to dream of blts and milk shakes.  Actually, during the procedure, I was dreaming of lime green growing things, that bright spring color that is so hopeful.

I survived last night by being deeply engaged by a book:  Joseph Anton, the memoir by Salman Rushdie.  It's beyond good, it's just a terrific read, fascinating, informative and gives great background on his conceiving of his novels.  He's very honest, yet very likeable, as well as what I already knew; he's brilliant.  So the book rescued me from my physical discomforts, and how often, in my case, that has happened.  Book as rescuer.  Reading as lifesaving.  Magic as the antidote to a heavy dose of realism.

Old Age Day by Day October 8, 2013

I walked to my doctor's appointment.  I was up in weight and must crack down on my eating and exercise.  I'll come back to him next week to get the flu shot and the shingles vaccine, which I have to pay for as my insurance doesn't cover it.  I'm fasting today, so I'm keeping busy doing errands and and distracting myself.  This afternoon I'll begin the flooding of my gastrointestinal system preparatory to the colonoscopy tomorrow bright and early.  Ah, the joys of agedness.

I ran into two friends walking dogs on my way to the doctor.  A little human touch.  And it helps keep everything in perspective.  Both have lost their husbands to cancer, and are bravely soldiering on with their lives, involved with their kids and grandkids, taking trips together, enjoying life.  We all have our invisible courage, and our hearty choice to live this life we have been given, knowing how precious it is, how fleeting, how challenging.  I see heroism all around me, and it strengthens me.

Old Age Day by Day October 7, 2013

We had a nice time at the cabin, and got a lot of exercise, hauling and stacking the cord of wood for under the cabin.  My lower back was sore, but no real damage.  We came back last night pretty tired.  Tomorrow I have a day of fasting and then the colonoscopy bright and early Wednesday morning.  How I look forward to it all - not!

This morning I was walking the dogs and saw that our former neighbors' house on the street above us badly bashed in by the winds.  It must have been a huge tree, because it crushed the dome part and a lot of the roof.  That house was in the New York Times when it was built, because our friends' architect took a boring stucco bungalow and made it into a casbah kind of Thousand and One Nights dreamscape.  Then furniture was custom made for it and it was like stepping into a house in Fez, Morocco.  Right after they completed it, we went to war with Iraq over the Kuwaiti invasion, and it's been politically correct ever since to have an Arab abode.  Pretty funny.  Our friends sold the house a few years ago and it has had several owners since, each of whom didn't want the furniture, which was given to a nearby museum charity, and each tried to paint over the mosaic tile and garnishes and bright colors.  They washed it down, diluted it, and made it even stranger.  Kind of sad, but one man's dream is another man's nightmare, I guess.

I'm reading an old Josephine Tey I love, "Brat Farrar".  What a jewel of a mystery. 

Old Age Day by Day October 4, 2013

I had an early appointment to get set up for a colonoscopy.  Then I had to go to the lab, and to the pharmacy, and now I have lots of disgusting things to do in the next few days.  But I can't complain, as it's all preventative, and that's good.

Tomorrow we go up to the cabin to get a cord of wood tucked under the cabin before the snow hits.  Winter comes much earlier up there, though often we don't really get snow until December.  But once there is snow, the road is unuseable, and we'd have to wait until spring for wood. 

We had a howling windstorm last night, and tons of debris from the trees is everywhere.  It's just like having a tree service without the cost, though the cleanup is all ours.  It's still windy, so probably our cleanup will have to wait until next week. 

We went to a Charles Durang play last night:  Vanya and Sonya and Masha and Spike.  It was hilarious!  Goofy and silly and a bit sentimental, but a great sendup of Chekov and actors and playwrights.  I've missed seeing plays, and was so grateful to our friends who suggested we share a subscription.  We are so fortunate here, as there is terrific theater, music, opera, dance and whatever else artistic you could wish for. 

Old Age Day by Day October 3, 2013

I was awakened by my sometimes neighbor this morning.  They live in another state and have for many years, but they've kept the house for occasional visits.  She said her son and his wife were going to be living there for a few months and then she and her husband would be moving back here next year.  I don't know which is worse - having a bossy neighbor or no neighbor.  She immediately demanded we trim our trees because they were messing up her gutters.  I mumbled something.  What I wanted to ask is could she just have one conversation without a demand?  All she has to do is trim our trees on her property.  But she wants us to pay for it, and then always criticizes the tree guy and job after.  I'm not going down that road again.  She's unbelievably narcissistic, to the point where she never gets my name right, never knows the names of our kids, or what my husband did for a living. 
Her husband is not so bad, but really, there is no reciprocation.  We do stuff they ask, but they never do anything neighborly for us.  She leaves you feeling like a servant.  I once asked them to take in the mail for us for couple of days, and they said their housekeeper could do it if we asked, and I presumed, paid.  I've had a key for years, and every time she gets locked out she demands to be let into her own house.  I've helped her with her car, her mother, whenever she calls in a panic.

I'm done.  This one way street is closed.

Old Age Day by Day October 2, 2013

We had a busy day yesterday, setting up our trip to see our daughter for her birthday, trying to get a cord of wood for the cabin, getting my car estimate for the bumper.  A lot of things got done, which is satisfying, and I even had time for tea with a friend at her house.  We exchanged titles of books we'd read and liked, she showed me online classes she was taking, and the time flew.  Last night we watched the last two parts of PBS's Latino Americans.  I learned a lot, but I don't think it was as well done as it might have been. 

Today I have my foster granddaughter.  It's a beautiful day out, so we have lots of options.  Now we get warm weather, when the kids are in school and there is little time to enjoy it.  Oh, well.  It's the slight price we pay for living here.  For summer, we must go to the cabin, or just about anywhere else in the U.S.

Old Age Day by Day October 1, 2013

Yesterday was not my best day.  I was coming home from an errand, stopped at a red light, when the car behind me hit me.  I don't know if she was texting or her foot slipped off the brake or what.  I took down her information, and drove home, but was kind of stunned.  I hadn't actually considered I could be hit by someone while we were completely stopped.  Of course, it did damage to my car, and it will probably be expensive, and it will be trouble.  At least she was nice, and immediately asked if I was okay, and didn't put up any defense.  It was her father's car and his insurance, so I hope things go smoothly.

Last night we celebrated the dogs' ninth birthday, and our son came over with his dog, and a good time was had by all.  The three of us played scrabble after dinner, and as usual, our son beat us.  But we lost respectably.  Then we read for a while and got into bed after a challenging yet happy day.

This morning I'm taking the car in to the body shop.  Then I plan to not drive at all the rest of today.  It's a jungle out there, when you can get hit for stopping for a red light.

Old Age Day by Day September 30, 2013

It's our dogs' birthdays today.  They are nine.  Labs don't have long lives, so we're having birthday biscuits and bought them new toys.  Every moment they are with us is precious.  My husband gave them the biggest treat:  a trip to the cabin.  They love it up there, and get to be off leash more. 

It rained last night for a short time, and is overcast, humid and damp today.  We don't get enough rain to complain.  With us, it's a blessing.  But I think of my friends in Colorado.  They had a tough time.

Everything is relative.  Nine doesn't sound old.  Rain sounds benign.  Each and every event has a multitude of reactions and effects.  My point of view is just that.  I speak for no one else, and my listening skills are of paramount importance.

I'm making lasagne tonight.  Just thinking about it makes me happy.  I made pumpkin bread for the study group and that turned out great.  I seem to be getting back into the domestic thing.  Maybe it's Fall, the chill in the air, the sense of holidays around the corner.  I already have Halloween earrings from my friend.  It's time to put out some decorations, perhaps.