Aging Day By Day February 17, 2010

Another beautiful day, and I am having lunch with a dear friend. It's as good as it gets, in my book. A great thing about aging is you have all these friends you've had for what feels like centuries, and they've known you in all your manifestations, and they call you on any nonsense you try to spout. Honesty really does seem to be easier now than ever before. Not hurtful, blunt edged honesty, but a transparency of trust. I allow people to to see me. My defenses are down, as Betty Hutton sings. I used to believe that I was building myself up - I was this structure, immutable and solid, and I was plastering on these additional embellishments to make myself more interesting, educated and fulfilled. Now I see I was like a fluid through which experiences flowed , and there were always so many choices, each one of which would have changed my life, but very few of which would have mattered. Which universe are we in? Does it matter if it's the one we've been taught, or an alternate? Not really. And most people seem to go through such similar stages that it can't matter which life I'm in. No one escapes pain and suffering, doubt and fear, and everyone has moments of transcendent happiness and peace. It only matters to be noticing these moments. And that is achievable by all.

With some friends we pursue art, with others we often see a movie and discuss it, still others we yak. I don't judge any of these experiences any more as high or low. I'm connecting. That's all that counts to me. And connecting doesn't just mean people. When I'm in the mountains it's to the earth,with it's winged and furred creatures. The sun on a rock, heat through my butt (true enough, butts can be sensitive), makes me understand the treasure of the sun that all beings, sentient or not, share. Last summer I was out in a canoe in the middle of a lake, and for two hours I watched the Ospreys dive for fish. I could almost see the lake from a great height, feel the pressure of the dive on my chest, touch the water on my skin. I felt included in their activity, because they allowed me to not disturb their concentration. I was witnessing their prowess, and gaining some relational experience of what such skill might feel like.

So if today it's deciding between tuna salad and grilled cheese, I won't call that trivial. I appreciate the food, the company and the body in which I am still lucky enough to be able to experience these moments. A little laughter, which is sure to occur, doesn't hurt any either.