I know everyone talks about this but the way time flies as you get older is downright dizzying. Now the weekend is gone, and since I have practically no memory left, I don't even know what happened yesterday, much less the day before. I don't wait for anything - instead I'm playing catch up. And I don't really have my heart in any of these holidays any more. Yes, I send cards and gifts to my granddaughter, but all of it seems deja vu. I must show up and be enthusiastic if called upon, but I wish sometimes that holidays like Valentine's Day and President's Weekend and Easter would slip away silently. they ought yo be ashamed of themselves, for causing so much pressure. I never did anything but candy and a card for my kids for Valentine's Day. My husband and I ignored it, with a couple of exceptions, when either he or I gave flowers, a card or a small gift. I had too many memories of my mother furious at my father because he hadn't done enough. I just wanted to avoid the whole thing. Even kids giving cards can get nasty - feelings get hurt and it becomes a parent lecturing the child on not leaving any of the children out of the loop.
President's Weekend can make you feel bad if you aren't off skiing or on a quick trip to Santa Fe or golfing in Phoenix. We've never done anything for the four days, but I admit to feeling jealous when other people relate their adventures. Now that we don't ski anymore and the economy is depressed I feel excused from having to have fun. It's a relief.
Then there is Easter, which used to consist of Easter Egg Hunts and picnics in parks. Now we avoid the whole day. Just do our usual - walk the dogs, read, watch a DVD. Once in a while one of our kids calls and asks what our plans are - but we never have any, and I fight the guilt that I should be making a big ham and have a coconut cake with a dyed green nest and jelly bean eggs. My mom did that, and of course we went to church in the morning, and sometimes I went to sunrise service, but the meaning behind all that is gone for me, and I couldn't duplicate it for my kids. We tried the Unitarian Church for a few months, but it felt insincere and pathetic. But being religious does come in handy on Easter. Spring Solstice is the alternate holiday here, and I love the idea of it, but seldom actually participate in any activity around it.
So these holidays whizzing by me let me escape a bit of the old feeling of responsibility and guilt. I could skip 4th of July and Memorial Day and Labor Day as well, and we often do nothing different at those times. That leaves Thanksgiving and Christmas, which I still enjoy, and four kids birthdays, plus the birthdays of a son-in-law and daughter-in-law, a granddaughter, a foster granddaughter, our birthdays, and our anniversary. I can tell you that's enough celebration for anyone. So we have at least one event every month but May, June, and August. Trust me, I can barely get organized for the crucial dates.
This time of year is when we both worry about our anniversary, which is in March. We've been married so long - 35 years - that we've been everywhere reasonable and economic for our weekend away. A couple of years ago we tried Sacramento, but, trust me, there is not enough to do for a whole weekend. We ended up in Davis walking the path along the river observing the baby ducks. It was cute, but not particularly romantic. This year I've actually considered Chico, but I believe that would be unwise. My husband suggested blowing the budget and going to Hawaii, mainly because we went there for a week last year for our 35th, but I'd only have to hear about the credit card bill for months on end, so I'm not falling into that trap. Death Valley might be nice, but the connotations are just too grim, and Palm Springs and Palm Desert are probably not for us. We don't play golf or have gold jewelry and we both burn severely if out in the sun, so lounging by the pool is sort of like waterboarding for us.
At least Super Bowl Sunday is over. And I read a really good mystery while it was on.
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