My voice teacher suggested that I give a retirement party for my husband in a few months and sing my repetoire then. I was stunned, first because it had not occurred to me to do such a thing - give a party for him - and I felt immediately very guilty. What kind of wife am I, anyway? Well, I know what kind, but did she have to rub it in? And secondly, would I, in my old age, turn out to be one of those people who bores guests with "entertainment"? I might as well be contemplating slides of my granddaughter. Does my teacher think I've sunk so low? Well, obviously.
No, if I need to belt out When I Fall in Love, Brush up Your Shakespeare, I'm Always True to You Darlin in My Fashion and I Hope that I Don't Fall in Love with You - if and irresistable urge overcomes all wisdom and sanity - and I want to expose myself for the talentless Ethel Merman that I am - I'll just sing in the subway. It's way more dignified, and only strangers will witness my degradation.
Now, it's true, that when each of my older two kids was marrying, I sang a little song for them at the groom's dinner, and it's a fact that my clothes were so wet with sweat that I might as well have been belting out "Singing in the Rain", but that was a time of crazy euphoria and it was long ago, and the weddings were within three months of each other, so I feel I can be excused. It was right before and right after 9/11. Need I say more? Something was in the air.
I mean the thing about being older is I can work on something for NO PURPOSE WHATSOEVER. I can just sing, and at least my teacher is being paid to listen, so I don't have to feel too bad. I'm singing with no judgment, no goal, no audience, no future. Right here, right now. It feels great.
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