Old Age Day by Day March 4, 2010

I tried watching the 2012 DVD last night, but I wasn't in the mood for catastrophe, I guess. After Haiti and Chile, it seems just another way for feel anxious, and after all, if I want that feeling I could look at the news or think about my retirement plans. I realized there is no water in the bin in the garage, and anyway I've forgotten how much clorine bleach you're supposed to put in. I have an earthquake bag but it's not complete, and will probably be buried under rubble. For a minute as I was watching, I got fixated on the lack of water bottles in the car. Then I realized there was no John Cusack to drive the car, so probably we'd never be able to weave and bob past falling buildings and overpasses anyway.

The earth's crust seems pretty unstable without the scifi input, and I prefer to live with a certain amount of denial about the uncertainty of our existence and our lifestyle. Yeah, I should be prepared, but no one is ever really prepared for sudden changes. When the 89 earthquake hit, I was without supplies or even the ability to identify the gas meter, and couldn't find my daughter for a couple of panicky minutes. She turned out to be sitting on her dad's motorcycle with her little friend, pretending to be gang members. Miraculously, the bike didn't fall over in the driveway, pinning them to the ground. Since I couldn't even imagine them sneaking out of the house, and riding the bike, which was forbidden, I had not placed padding in the driveway, nor installed bolt locks to keep them from leaving the back deck, and by the time I found them, my son (who had been watching TV upstairs) and the cats, it was too late to stand in the doorway. Did we have a plan to reach each other? Of course not, so it took me a while to reach our older daughter, my husband, and then hours to hear from our son at the epicenter.

All were well, but only because we were lucky. I had maybe better be buying stock in four leaf clovers. In my old age, I feel there is just too much coordinating to be done to be on top of catastrophes. It's exhausting just thinking about it. Besides, if I was all stocked up, the looters would probably take it from me in a nanosecond, and I absolutely refuse to carry weapons or defend my supplies. I'd have locked myself in the bathroom yelling "take what you want". I feel an absolute certainty that I am a coward. I'll cling to that truth. It's reassuring, because it tells me the effort on preparedness is wasted on the old.

These days the only dependents we are responsible for are the dogs. They don't need stockpiled dog food. They are labs, so they eat socks, rocks, acorns, green persimmons, paper from the wastebasket and other delicacies. They're survivors. I think we'll just wander the streets aimlessly, with the rest of our neighbors. They're all about our age, and the last disaster planning meeting was canceled and they never get the email notice to my right address, so I haven't a lot of confidence in them either. If you see a herd of elderly people with cats and dogs wandering in your area, don't worry, we're not out of Night of the Living Dead. We're just still trying to get our cell phones to work, and waiting for someone to come and get us organized.