I had to call my best friend last night. Nothing for me is quite real until we've discussed it. I needed advice, and as usual, hers was excellent. What I find especially charming is how she refrains from calling me an idiot or saying this is the 89th time I've complained about such and such. I find that to be a noble quality in a friend. Of course, there are times when she is forced to say "Are you out of your everlovin mind?!" But those are wake up calls that must be heard. At that point I know I've strayed far from the path of righteousness or even my own nature. We all lose our bearings, and a navigator other than ourselves is a must. Sometimes my husband fulfills that duty, but really, girlfriends are the best course.
It's girlfriends that tell you, when you are thirteen and looking at fashion magazines that your best and only good feature is your eyebrows. This is harsh, but necessary if you are not going to waste time in painful rollers or green face masks. Later, it is the friend, who tells you the guy you are dating is a jerk and you deserve better, even if he is cute. She pumps you up for a job interview and makes you change your outfit three times. So when you march into that office you know you are lookin good. And when you or your kids is sick, she doesn't say it will be fine, she says this totally sucks, you must be scared. So then you know you are not a whiner, you are merely human, and should cry buckets, it'll make you feel better.
So this friend has seen me be a young mommy, making a wide range of choices, some not so smart. She's been there when I've struggled with a failure, a dream dashed, a betrayal of a friend. She doesn't think I'm wonderful, or bad, she thinks I'm strong. She reminds me I'm strong, and that usually I've been in this place before, or close to it, and the world didn't end, and don't take myself too seriously, because you win some and you lose some, and you're not really in control anyway.
This kind of friend must be treasured. She's the faithful witness to your life. You must in turn do your part to be honest and figure out not what you would do, but what is best for your friend. That takes a lot of years of experience, and it's the best secret of aging I know. You've had these friends for so long, that a phrase can get you back on track, and a joke can be enlightening, and actually, just her voice grounds you. No lightening can strike, because there you are, feet in the earth, and she's making sure you hold steady, no matter what.
No comments:
Post a Comment