I had a long phone conversation with an old friend from graduate school last night. It felt good to catch up. I'm always meaning to see her, but she lives in Illinois, and it's not an alluring destination in the winter, and summer seems to be busy and fleeting. I'm going to try, though, this year to get there. She heads a department at the university where she works, and manages to write books, nurture three stepkids and a foster son, and be a great daughter and aunt as well. Having a sense of humor helps, and her background has given her a lot of strength. Her father was an AP reporter and she was born in India, and lived in Japan and London growing up. Then her family settled in Denver, where her father took over his father's toy company. Her mother became an art docent and fund raiser and helped build the Denver art museum. So she knows how to enjoy a place, it's uniqueness, it's culture, it's people. She fits in anywhere.
I appreciate the moving my family did around the U.S. It was hard being the new kid and having to adapt, but it has given me an inner strength that allows me to socialize easily and not be swayed by popularity and comparison. I found my niche everywhere I went, and had confidence there would be new friends in new places. And, though it was hard at the time, being apart from my boyfriend by a continent, and my best friend, caused me to hold fast to who I was, not be tempted to "fit in" or change myself to suit a group. I learned to look for validation inside myself, not outside. Yes, I struggled with people pleasing, but only up to a point. There were boundaries.
So my friend and I know how to take care of ourselves. I admire her achievements, and I know that her struggles have made her stronger and more interesting. She has learned compromise, but wisely, not out of giving away her values. When we connect, I feel stronger for the friendship.
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