So far I'm having a bit of bad luck in the new year. Today I put on the silver beads my husband bought me for Christmas and the clasp broke, after the store insisting that it was sturdy and secure. I'd planned on wearing them for my retreat, to give me strength (they are Native American). Last night I had a terrible time at chorus, and felt angry, jealous and frustrated at my parts, resinging songs I'm kind of tired of and not getting any mini solos, as have most of the others. I lost all my joy and confidence, and ended up leaving ten minutes early in tears. I was a big baby, but underneath, I do have doubts about what I am doing in this chorus. Maybe it's just that I'm ready for something new, and boy, do I hate letting go of anything.
It's at least very fitting that I am going on retreat, where I hope to clear my mind, cling less to attraction and aversion, and feel fresher, newer, in this new year. Right now I feel like the weather - sunny but with bad air quality.
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